It's WHAT...?!

I picked the kiddos up from school yesterday, and DS1 was sooo excited!

"Mom! Guesswhatprojectwe'redoinginschoolit'ssocooldoyouwannaknowwhatitisactuallyit'sprettygrossareyousureyouwannaknow?"

"Uh, do I have a choice?"

"No!"

He then proceeds to show me a ziploc baggie of what looked like dryer lint.

"Guess what this is!"

"Um..."

"Owl vomit!!"

Riiiiiight.

"And look at this!" He holds up a second ziploc bag full of something I wasn't quite sure I actually wanted to look at.

"Guess what this is!"

I don't think so.

"Mouse bones! Look! Here's a skull!"

Okay - driving now! Please put all that away and never bring it out in my presence EVER. AGAIN. Love you okay buh-bye!

So I guess my question is - where would one 'harvest' such a product? I mean, does one wander through the woods and happen to find small piles of dryer lint, and think - hey! I can gather this for distribution to elementary school students! Woo-ha! Cha-ching!

And for the record - yes, owl vomit does in fact smell terrible. Thanks for asking.

"Is there a problem?!" Sheesh!

Can I just say how much I detest when people are inconsiderate, rude, and downright selfish! Especially when it's someone you HAVE to be around! No avoidance! And then that person has the nerve to ask what's wrong!? Ugh! ...breathe in...breathe out... Okay - venting over - for now!

We're anxiously awaiting the results of DS1' s math test today. (Thanks, Kate!) We've been encouraging him to study harder and bring his grades up, because he doesn't have much time left this year. Don't know if he's going to make it in time!

The office manager has been gone the last two days and so I've been covering her work as well as my own, so this won't be very long (or very interesting, for that matter!) Just wanted to check in and say yes I'm still here somewhere - buried under paperwork and phone cords! lol!

Happy Tuesday!

...if I...

Jettybetty has a list of questions to answer 'just fer fun' on her blog today - very bloggable questions...so here goes...

The questions: If I could be a scientist...if I could be a farmer...if I could be a musician...if I could be a doctor...if I could be a painter...if I could be a gardener...if I could be a missionary...if I could be a chef...if I could be an architect...if I could be a linguist...if I could be a psychologist...if I could be a librarian...if I could be an athlete...if I could be a lawyer...if I could be an inn-keeper...if I could be a professor...if I could be a writer...if I could be a llama-rider...if I could be a bonnie pirate...if I could be an astronaut...if I could be a world-famous blogger...if I could be a justice on any one court in the world...if I could be married to any current famous political figure...

So, I guess whatcha do is pick one or two or three of these and speculate away...!

The funny thing is, as I was typing the list, I kept wondering why I couldn't be one of these things. (And I know DH is applauding wildly at the idea of not limiting my thinking...!) I mean, I realize some of these are kinda out there, but some of them aren't. I'm not necessarily an astronaut or an architect, and I never ride my llama or sail my pirate ship in public, but as for the rest, yeah, I think I could or have done them all to some degree.

As a wife and mother.

And no, I don't want this to be one of those cutesy, smarmy, sappy mother's day things that always get forwarded in emails!

• But as a wife and mother, yes, I have been a doctor - and we need to buy stock in band-aids.
• I am a musician - specializing in lullabies.
• I've been known as a pretty mean finger painter in my time.
• Nothing is sweeter in my garden than marigolds presented by a grubby kindergartener.
• Chef? Well, okay, DH is more the chef than I am, but I can make a mean German pancake when the occasion calls for it!
• Anyone who can decipher that a toddler wants a cookie is a master linguist!
• Psychologist and lawyer kind of go hand in hand for anyone with more than one child. "Why did you hit your brother? How do you think that makes him feel? What should your punishment be?"
• Inn-keeper goes along with the chef-thing - somedays it feels like I run a B&B!
• Fourth grade math qualifies ANYONE as a professor these days!
• Athletic? Well, maybe not so much to look at me per se, but let my kids or DH get into trouble and the Flash has nuttin' on me!
• And as for a missionary, well that's pretty obvious. My mission field is in my own backyard.

Maybe not the answers sought, but that's what I got!

Happy weekend!

Yes, Lord

We got our latest catalog/flyer from our local christian bookstore yesterday. I usually peruse it looking for new music or novels - just to see what's out there. They also have lots of inspirational knick-knacks, etc, including pictures. Well, last night, one of the pictures stopped me cold. Not so much for the art, but for the words.

Guidance

I am a woman who walks with the Lord.

His hand guides my steps.

He is the One who goes before me

and makes my way safe.

I am led with gentleness,

kindness and grace.

He sets the perfect pace.

My steps are steps of peace.

He is beside me as my Helper,

ahead of me as my Shield,

and behind me as my Protector.

He is the purpose of my journey,

and the destination I seek.

I read the first line and my heart started pounding and my soul cried out! Even with all the other stuff I've been dealing with, this - THIS - is the prayer and longing of my heart! I just didn't know how to say it.

prayer

Things went MUCH better last night with the kiddos! They worked together on art projects, and nary an argument was heard! Wahoo! I was able to get some rest, and didn't get blamed for it!

I've been talking to God a bit lately, again, whatever. Not too much in depth, but more like those quick 'popcorn' prayers - you know, you hear of someone's need and fire off and quick 'be with them, Lord' prayer. I'm still struggling a bit with getting 'down and dirty' with EVERYTHING in prayer, you know? This is going to sound odd, but I've been looking at the lives of some catholic saints - don't ask me why! And yes, I've been filtering...but it's been really hard for me to imagine the prayer lives of these people! Praying for days on end. I've never been a really strong 'prayer warrior' or anything like that, and to be honest, it concerns me. My attention wanders constantly, and I don't feel like I have any deep meaningful times with the Lord. And this isn't just recently - this has been since I've become a christian. Although if you ask DH, prayer is always my first reponse to him when he's facing difficulty: 'Did you pray about it?' 'Maybe this is something to take to God in prayer.' 'Let's pray. You first.'

Wow - this is so NOT what I was going to write about today!

Anyone else struggle with this?

Brother vs brother

Wow! This bronchitis has just been kicking my tail! I've just been exhausted! I'm barely getting done what absolutely HAS to be done some days. But the biaxin seems to be kicking in, and hope springs eternal for singing Sunday.

I went outside this morning and cut some lilacs to bring into the office - they're at their peak and GORGEOUS! Unfortunately, my only white lilac bush succumbed to a windstorm last year.

It's official! Not only have I blown Mother of the Year - this morning I blew the Lifetime Achievement Award too. I don't know what the deal is with these two creatures living in our home! It's like since I've been sick this week (which, according to DS1 is all my fault!) they've sensed a weakness in the parent herd and are moving in for the kill! Sheesh! This morning's battle was over those silly 'Live Strong'-esque bracelets. Evidently they were discussing a trade, and one changed his mind, and then chaos ensued with the younger going after the elder's throat at the breakfast table - aaarrrrggghhhh! Where are the Walton's when you need them?! So, the bracelets got tossed at DH's command - albeit temporarily - and that launched DS2's lament that nobody likes him. If they're like this at 8 & 10, what the heck am I going to do at 14 & 16?!?

Lord, please restore peace to our home!

prayer request

I've been following Karla Cadeau's pregnancy through her blog www.babycadeau.blogspot.com for awhile now. Unfortunately, Ava died soon after delivery due to a heart condition that the doctors thought was under control. Please pray for Karla and Mark as they are holding Ava's funeral tomorrow.

Thanks.

A report on Sunday...

Well, I made it through singing Sunday - and without my mask. Truthfully, I was far more concentrated on my physical well-being than my spiritual. Turns out I have acute bronchitis. Ugh. So, after lip-synching my way through a good portion of worship leading (thanks Deanie!) I came home and collapsed. Today meant a visit to my favorite Dr at the doc-in-a-box, who surprised me when he told me it not pneumonia - it is spring, after all. So, I'm home, and the kiddos are out of school, and I'm exhausted! Will try to sleep now. Have a good day, everyone...

Friday

Thanks to all of you! You've been so encouraging and understanding! I don't think my funk is quite as deep as it was earlier in the week...

I've not quite gotten to the point where I'm a happy peppy person again, but I'm getting there. I actually listened to some christian music today - something I haven't done in some time - which if you know me at all is waaaay out of character!

No offense, Fireguy, but I'm kinda looking forward to some down time tonight. Peace, quiet, time to think, reflect, and stitch (yes, I found a project that, for all intents and purposes is free!), and maybe even make more than a nodding acquaintance with God. We'll see.

I can't make any predictions or promises as to Sunday morning, and I may have to pull out my happy face mask for singing (I hope not!) but I'll be there.

sorry

I need to apologize for tonight - if you read further, you'll understand why. So, sorry, Kate, Julie, Skip, Deanie, Jeff and Dwight. Just wasn't feelin' it tonight.

To Want To Want To

Sunday, a visiting woman in our class made the comment that sometimes all you can pray is to want to want to. I guess that reflects where I am right now. I'm struggling with just about everything. I've never really had my faith challenged or felt like I've been forced to examine my faith, and it's not a pleasant feeling! I feel like a rebellious child - something I've never been - and I know that God is there, and He loves me and is waiting for me to get my act together, and that is comforting, but right now, the rest of it doesn't feel like it's there, you know? I don't feel like I'm angry at God or anything - nothing has happened, really, that would 'justify' an anger. Maybe I'm just tired. Tired of putting up a front, or putting on a happy face, or...I don't know. I just feel spiritually numb right now. Prayers, when I say them, don't even make it to the ceiling, although I believe I meant them, as well as the ones I wrote here. Study is a chore to mark off my list. I just feel like I'm going through the motions, and while deep down I know this is temporary, and I know that I want to - I don't know - 'get better?', I don't feel an urgency to do that. Is this normal? Well, obviously probably not. Do I just need to stew for awhile, and then get back on track? Do I need to take a break? How would that even be possible? *sigh*

clarifying

Okay, maybe the depression example wasn't the best one to use. How about this? If I say I'm the Queen of England, dress like her (or not - ugh - those hats!), talk like her, believe I am her, that certainly doesn't give me the power to invade the Falklands, does it? I mean, I can say and act and believe all I want, but that don't make it so.

So, if someone is acting like a 'good christian' - saying the right things, promising to pray for your problems, serving the church, etc, and possibly believes they are a 'good christian'...but what if they don't feel it inside? Are they truly a 'gc'?

Baseball - a contact sport?

Well, DS1 has his first black eye. The neighborhood kids tend to gravitate to our back yard for baseball - which is fine perfectly fine with me! Last night, one of the girls was horsing around and started throwing sticks - one of which caught DS1 just below his right eye.

You know, I always pooh-pooh'd those people who said they couldn't handle the sight of their kids' blood. But I gained a new empathy for those people yesterday! He had blood all over his face and hands and was crying so, it would break your heart - mostly out of fear. But within probably ten minutes or so, he was back out talking to his friends, albeit with a cloth held up to his eye. This morning he looked like a young prizefighter - and boy, was he proud!

I'm interested in any opinions: Do you believe that if you act a certain way long enough or often enough that you will start to become that way? For example, if you suffer from depression, but you tell yourself to act happy, will you actually get happy? And can it be considered genuine?

Do you see what I see?

From Donald Miller's Searching for God Knows What:

"In the Gospels, Jesus is always surrounded by the poor, by the marginalized. And, adversely, He is often opposed by the powerful. Not all the powerful, but those who oppose Him are almost always the people who are ahead in the lifeboat. In this way, Jesus disrupted the system by which people were gaining their false redemption."

Miller then goes on to quote Phillip Yancey from The Jesus I Never Knew:

"The more unsavory the characters, the more at ease they seemed to feel around Jesus. People like these found Jesus appealing: a Samaritan social outcast, a military officer of the tyrant Herod, a quisling tax collector, a recent hostess to seven demons. In contrast, Jesus got a chilly response from more respectable types. Pious Pharisees thought him uncouth and worldly, a rich young ruler walked away shaking his head, and even the open-minded Nicodemus sought a meeting under the cover of darkness. I [Yancey] remarked to the class how strange this pattern seemed, since the Christian church now attracts respectable types who closely resemble the people most suspicious of Jesus on earth. What has happened to reverse the pattern of Jesus' day? Why don't sinners like being around us?"

Miller continues:
"...Jesus was offering redemption through a relationship with Himself, and for those who were already being redeemed by a jury of their peers, people like politicians or wealthy people or powerful religious leaders, the redemption Jesus offered must have felt like a step down; but for those who had nothing...Jesus offered everything."

5Q4

Okay - here are my answers to Donna's 5Q4 for me. Evidently the rules are to copy and paste the questions and answers and to challenge you, dear readers, to be interviewed by moi (the first four of you, anyway...)

1. You once mentioned that you used to think you were invisible. When would you like to have the ability to be invisible?
I think currently I would most like to be invisible when it's for my own protection and self-preservation! A really cool defense mechanism, doncha think? Actually, I don't know that I have a good or valid reason for being invisble - at least not a reason that isn't selfish and sneaky...lol!

2. You have talked about your estranged relationship with your mother. What effect, positive or negative, do you think this has had on your relationship with your children?
I have always assured my kids that there is nothing they could do to make me stop loving them. I pray they will never test me on that! We have always been very up front with the kids as to the reasons behind my mother's actions. I hope they can understand the error of her thinking, while at the same time learning forgiveness and ultimately, acceptance of others.

3. You spoke of a friend with whom you had a falling out and later reconciliation. Has your friendship been the same since the "bad times"?
While it's true there was a meeting of the minds and apologies and forgiveness offered and accepted, I'm not sure "reconciliation" is the best word to describe what happened. I think we kinda left things as they are: not a lot of contact, but the knowledge that we'll be there when we seek one another out. Sometimes I regret the distance, but most times I'm at peace.

4. At one time your job was incredible stressful for you. Are your stress levels better? Did the whole incident from December blow over?
"At one time"! HA! Actually, this past Sunday marked my fifth anniversary here, and so far, so good. I think things have blown over for the most part. We're such a small office, and stress around here tends to breed and be contagious! I am looking around for something else - just keeping my options open...!

5. Do you think your posting style or content changed any when your husband began to read your blog?
I don't think changed all that much. I have always tried to be honest and truthful, while respecting feelings and privacy. My husband has been a source of inspiration and encouragement in my blogging. In fact, I feel he's much better at blogging than I am. There are times, however, when I wish I had a completely anonymous blog where I could vent and release the screaming banshee that seems to be my alter ego - yell and vent while being completely - AHA! - invisible!!

Thanks, Donna! Anyone else...?

Monday, Monday

Happy Monday! It's the start of another week. Another opportunity to see the beauty around us, to share our lives with someone who needs to know someone cares, to enjoy the life and blessings poured out on us by our benevolent Father.

DH and I spent about an hour with a college class taught by a friend of ours this morning. It's become almost a standing engagement. When he teaches a class on multiculturalism, he invites us to come and speak about our marriage. We really enjoy it. It gives us an opportunity to share some about our faith as well. I will admit that today, though, all these college students looked really young! *sigh*

I recently finished Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz. Wow! LOVED. IT. It really opened my eyes, and led me out of my happy little christian churchy cocoon. The things he writes showed me that I've been wrong about a lot of things, and I want to change. Which is very frightening. And difficult. But we've all gotta start somewhere!

Favorite...?

Are you someone's favorite person?

I read this on one of the blog's I regularly read. It got me to thinking. I hope I'm my husband's favorite person, and maybe even my kids favorite mom. I'm pretty sure I'm at least near the top of the list of grandkids.

And then I wondered about Jesus. Who is His favorite? What would it take to be God's favorite? I don't know that I could do what I think it would take to be Jesus' favorite person.
Although, with as much as God has intervened and helped us and blessed us recently, I feel that I could make that argument!

What do you think?

Thank You Lord for the blessings, and for the good news we just received. Once again You have proved Yourself faithful! You are my favorite!

...talk about a HEADACHE...

I tried to blog yesterday, but I must have irritated the blogger powers that be, because they accepted my post as some sort of atoning sacrifice and consumed it and the altar on which it was offered.

I had to take my younger DS to the local doc in a box Monday for headache with dizziness. This child sometimes has been known to "exaggerate" shall we say, symptoms in order to receive attention. But the dizziness and "foggy eyes" had us concerned, so after the school called me on his behalf, off we went.

We waited for two hours before we needed to go fetch DS1 from school, and there were still people ahead of us in line. I told the nurse we'd be back after 5pm.

So, about 5:10, we all head back to the dr. We finally got into an exam room at around 5:40 - keeping in mind they closed at 6pm. Dr came in around 5:50 and proceeded to give DS a thorough exam, but could find no reason for "the worst headache ever so far." Dr said he wanted to speak to our primary care physician for a consult and asked us to wait. Hmmph. He would periodically return to let us know he was still waiting for the dr to return his call. More waiting. At around 6:30, our dr finally called. Docinabox dr returned to the exam room to tell me that DS2 had a CT scan scheduled for right now. RIGHT NOW.

So off we go to the hospital. The nurse in triage led us to not radiology...but rather ADMISSIONS! More forms, more waiting. And then the admissions lady led us to radiology, but there was no one there. Just a phone and a sign sitting on a counter in front of an empty desk. I follow the instructions on the sign and call someone to let them know we're there and oh, so available for the scan. Finally, someone comes out and takes my paperwork and instructs us to sit and...thaaaaat's right...wait! *sigh*

We were led back to the scan room at around 7:30ish. The scan took literally 8 minutes and we were gone. As we were leaving, DS1 asked if the 'tiragy' stuff where we were when we got to the hospital was contagious. Thank heavens for comic relief!

Of course, don't forget, we have not been home yet. We rushed home, hoping against hope that the dog could hold it. Nope. And would someone please tell me why dogs HAVE to use the carpet instead of the linoleum?!? Oh, and of course Wrigley had an upset tummy...UGH!

Fortunately, DS2's scan was negative. He is still having headaches, but so far, they've been more controllable.

Not exactly how I was hoping to spend my Monday. However, I've determined that I will not let Satan get me down and will keep my head up, searching the skies!

Lord, thank You that the tests results were favorable! Comfort him and help us to help him feel better. You know our needs at this time, and You have ALWAYS come through for us. Lord, we're calling on You again to provide.

Famous Four

Okay, just so DH will stop bugging me, I will answer his 'Famous Four.' Or I'll attempt to, anyway.

I have always wanted to sing. From the time I was a child. I sang in the little bitty cute kids choir as a preschooler - you know the one where the debate rages over whether it's cuter to have your kids wave at you or do the potty dance in front of the church! (I did neither, by the way - too shy to wave and too in control (?!) of myself to feel the need to do urinary ballet!) However, when I was older, I didn't join any other choirs either at church or in school. I think I was still too shy. In college, I shared with a friend that I wanted to sing and that I felt that God wanted me to sing as well. But, again, I really didn't do anything about it.

I was thrilled when I was approached about singing with the praise team at church! Even with my many limitations, I have so enjoyed the experience! The fellowship, the fun, the love, and the SINGING have been incredible!

And then, joy of joys! I actually started seeing a voice coach! Someone who actually had technical knowledge told me that I wasn't delusional and had a halfway decent voice! Huzzah! She has challenged me to step outside my christian niche of music, but that's where I'm happiest - praising in song. I feel closer to Jesus when I sing than almost any other time. Lyrics turn to prayers for me. Melodies are worship.

I don't think I am anywhere nearly good enough to record or anything, so I think I've come as far as I want, and possibly as far as God wants.

So, dear, I don't know if that's what you were hoping to hear, but it's what I feel my answers to your questions are.

"I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord." Psalm 104:33-34 (get it? :D)

Wha' happen...?

I was skimming the Psalms today, searching for an appropriate scripture for a situation, and my eye often caught on underlines and notes I have in my Bible. I so enjoy looking at other people's Bibles, especially those who have walked with Jesus for a long time. I think their notes and underlines are almost as great a testament as the book itself! So, as I'm running through the Psalms, I keep seeing these underlined passages, and most of them were just crying out to the Lord for relief. "Help me...rescue me...absolve me..." I kept running into them, and thought to myself, "Where are the praises I've wanted to pray?!" I mean, there was all this moaning and groaning - which is okay, I guess. I just wondered when I was going to get around to celebrating, and marking those passages as well.

Lord, You alone are worthy of praise! I want to bring my praises to You, as well as my struggles!

Joy

I've tried to take Sunday's sermon to heart - yeah, the same one Skip mentioned in his blog - about finding joy everyday. And what I've discovered is that I've seen the hand of God working and active in my life this week. I've been so aware of it, and it's been amazing! He's been helping us through a low spot and He just keeps pouring out blessings! And not small ones! It's been really neat to watch for these events, and to acknowledge them as they happen, and not just in hindsight.

Lord, You are to be praised, even in the tough spots! Help me to see You this way more! I want to see what You're doing in my life and the lives of others! Thank You for Your abundant blessings!

We put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'!

My grandfather and one of my aunts came to visit last night. These are relatives from my dad's side. And I admit, I haven't exactly been the faithful correspondent that I should be or like I have with my grandmother (from my mother's side.) I never really built a real close relationship with that side of the family since my dad chose not to fully exercise his visitation rights when mom and dad divorced. And now, of course, I regret that. I felt really bad when they couldn't keep the boys' names straight. Ouch! That hurt! Not so much because I was offended or anything, but because they didn't know them well enough to be able to remember. I've vowed to change this. I'm glad that Grampa has such a close relationship with my cousin - she's pretty young - I was the ONLY grandchild for 29 years. And I'm determined to build a better relationship with that side of the family. Not necessarily my father, you understand. It's always very uncomfortable when we talk. His choices have built some pretty thick walls, and I don't feel that I know him well enough yet to try to find a chink in those walls. But, we'll see...

Sorry - still not feeling much like blogging - we're going through a really rough spot right now. We'd appreciate prayers. Blugs!

break

Not a good couple of days - don't really feel much like blogging. Hope to be back to it soon! Blugs.

Of fire trucks and watering things

DH and I watched "Ladder 49" last night. Whew! Wow! Really gets ya right there, know what I mean? The movie sparked all kinds of conversation at our house last night - and no, we didn't let the kiddos watch it. But it really touched on some of the fears we have as a firefighter family. One of the scenes that really got to me was one of the final scenes - if you haven't seen it I won't spoil it, but I just felt like the main character's wife was excluded, shunned almost, in favor of the brotherhood. I don't feel that DH would ever do that, or be involved in any activity that would make me feel that way, but I have seen and heard of some instances where things like that have happened.

I confess! I had no idea what a delicate flower our dog was! We had to get more dog food, and instead of the outrageously overpriced food we had been getting, I went a step down to the next higher outrageously overpriced food. Well, Wrigley was NOT happy! He had bad things coming out of both ends of him - made for a pleasant evening, lemme tell ya! With a pet, you can't send him running to the bathroom when he feels sick, obviously. So I went out and bought the original outrageously overpriced food. I even took him with me to the yuppie pet store here in town - because that's where they sell the outrageously overpriced food. He did fine all through the store to the back where the food is, back to the front to pay for the food, and then he decided to 'bless' the checkout counter! Thaaat's right. 'Annointed' the durn thing right there! I told the clerk, and he assured me it was no problem, but I was pretty embarrassed nonetheless! I guess I should be happy it wasn't one of the kids that did it, huh?

Monday...

I have to admit that when I started blogging, I really wasn't expecting anyone to actually read the durn thing! But things being as they are, I've discovered quite a few people have not only read my random tho'ts, but have linked me as well! (I have to admit - I was thrilled at that!) It's been pretty interesting to find out who has been reading my blog. Some people were a given, some were a surprise, some were a bolt out of the blue!

I've been getting the stitching urge again. I need to find a project, tho', that won't be a hit on the pocketbook - in other words - use some of the floss I have on hand! Unfortunately, when it comes to my embroidery floss, I'm not the most organized person. So finding the right colors and seeing if I have usable fabrice will be a challenge. I've been cruising some stitching blogs and websites, and the bug done bit me! I have some projects in the works now - and this is part of my problem - I want to do something NEW!!! From the beginning! For me, there's nothing like organizing my stitching corner with floss and needle and fabric and notions. I'm missing that a lot recently! But, there are other things that need to be done around the house, so I'll try to exterminate that bug for awhile yet.

My grandmother came to see us this weekend. We got her to start telling stories from her childhood, and we had a blast! She was quite a pistol when she was a girl! She started telling me some of the not so good things that happened to her as a child. I was concerned that she would be really down after remembering some of these events, and then head home alone. But she called me later and told me that she had received a call from a childhood friend that evening, so they reminisced about the good things, and she was fine. She's such a wonderful woman, and I am so incredibly blessed to have had her such a part of my life!

Yesterday's worship was really good, I thought. The message was inspiring, and the fellowship was good. I sang with the praise team yesterday, and I thought that went okay. Well, except for that little hiccup during the opening announcements. We have a LARGE portrait hanging up in the front of the auditorium, and it happens to be right behind the sopranos on the praise team. We stayed onstage while the announcements were being given, and I thought I was farther away from the picture than I was andevidentlyIbumpeditandwellyeahitkindafellonme. But other than that...

Lord, thank You for the ability to laugh at ourselves!

...kamma kamma down doobiedoo down down...

I can't figure out what's going on with me! Yesterday and today, I just seem to be in a funk - at least that's how it looks! I mean, I feel fine - not sad or down or anything, but my face and my demeanor don't seem to have gotten the memo.

I am feeling a little sensitive about comments being made about things here in the office. They're made as 'general' comments about broad topics, but the 'broad topics' are things that I'm responsible for - and not by choice, might I add. *sigh* I don't want to be bothered with anyone at work today. Just let me sit in my little corner of the office and do my work!

Lord, I don't want to bring anyone down, and I don't want to be down myself! I want to be a light and share the joy that You've given me! Lift my head, Lord. Let me be an encouragement.

Dream a little dream...

I had the oddest dream last night - sorry honey! I dreamed I was in a musical production that was being performed in a mall-like setting. The play was almost like the Ice Capades in scale! And I was the lead - with no preparation! No clue what the choreography was, the songs, the lines - nothing! And the male lead was NOT happy with me! (Like I wanted to be in that position!) My fears about my shortcomings were allayed, though, when the bad guys took us all hostage. So, no worries! :D

It's not even eleven and I'm pretty much done with everything I HAVE to do today. There's still some other extra stuff that needs to be done, but I can wait awhile to do that - you know, make it stretch!

Okay, this will sound like a weird statement, but, well, consider the source. I've started driving the posted speed limit. There. I said it. I've never been any sort of speed demon or anything, but you know, 5-10 over was pretty common. Ever since I started going the limit though, I've felt a peace when I'm in the car. I don't have to worry about police cruisers singling me out, or even noticing me. I'm more relaxed in the car and when I get to my destination. If it takes me a little longer than it did a few weeks ago, oh well. Driving has never been one of my favorite things to do, but recently I haven't minded it nearly as much. (I told you it was weird!)

Well, I guess I need to get back to the grindstone. And don't worry - I'll find something to occupy my time! Heheh!

Lord, thank You for my job, and the breaks that I get to enjoy.

Innocence Lost

I think my rose-colored glasses have been lightened just a bit. And I have to admit, I'm mourning that bit of innocence and Pollyanna-ish-ness (?!) that I think I've lost. I hate to think that there are the kind of things I've heard about in the one area of my life where I want to be able to believe the best about people, but there ya go. I guess the church will never be perfect in this world, because as hard as we try, we're all still human.

Please pray for my families - church and home. Come, Lord Jesus!

New kid on the blog...

Yes, that's right - my DH has been assimilated into the BLOG. Fireguy has arrived. Check it out - should be interesting! This also means that my 101st thing is no longer true!

So, this weekend wasn't half bad. I felt very efficient Saturday. I was able to get done the things that needed to be done, both in and out of the house. Such a great feeling!

The kiddos and I watched a movie Saturday evening, and had a really nice time! I'm going to miss these cuddly, snuggly times - and I know they'll be ending all too soon.

Yesterday's worship was great! The songs were rockin' and the message was oh so challenging! With lots of 'Panera' thrown in the mix! (I've got to get over there sometime!)

I met one of our newer neighbors Saturday too. She's a single mom with a 7 year old son. My kiddos really enjoy playing with him so I figured I'd better go over and introduce myself. The funny thing is, we stood outside and talked for probably 10-15 minutes, but she never told me her name! So she's still "Jonathan's mom" at our house. Oh well!

Happy Friday!

Things are kind of surreal around here today - the boss (not so nice) has finally gotten the message that we don't want him to test out his voice mangler on us, so he's calling an answering machine in his office and listening to it repeatedly; one of the 'tile boys' here is insisting on speaking to everyone with a real Southern hick accent; another co-worker has discovered the joys of 'My Yahoo!' - and is telling me about it along with high school memories; and me? well, I'm blogging, and reading blogs, and surfing blogs and thinking about blogs and reading comments on blogs, and dreading laundry. (Gotcha!)

We've decided that taking some time away from television for awhile. We're going to try other methods of entertainment - dominoes, anyone? Gonna try some directed viewing of 'good' movies occasionally. But I will admit, I will miss American Idol and Survivor terribly! Thank goodness they have the internet on computers now!

So, happy Friday, dear blog family! Enjoy your weekend, rest and refresh, and come back Monday, rarin' to go! (Oh dear, it's only been one day and I'm already annoying myself! Yikes!)

Thursday

101. I don't think my DH has ever read my blog...hmmm

Well, it's been a roller coaster kinda day - you know - good news, bad news, upside down news - the whole gamut! I'm choosing to focus on the good and praise God for His hand in it.

I recently got a posting on the 'other job' from my friend on the inside. It doesn't look like it would be something I could do. Some of the qualifications I simply don't have, and even with the benefits, we couldn't handle that drastic of a pay cut. So, I'll keep my eyes open. Or rather, closed in prayer.

I received the sweetest note yesterday from one of our 'retreaters'! She was thanking me and the committee for all of our hard work. What a rush! I really need to do this same kind of thing for other people more often! Share the joy!

My boss (the not nice one) has been buying products to disguise his voice. It's been really odd - I mean, where does one go to get something like that?! Stalkers 'R' Us? Gosh!

Lord, make our paths straight. Help me to be encouraging and supportive to others, as You encourage me. Thank You for my family and all they do.

100 things part 2

51. I've never gotten a speeding ticket.
52. I once dated a minister and thought that would get me in good with God. Go figure!
53. I've never had braces. (see "dentist-phobic")
54. I once wanted to write the great American novel.
55. I've had a hard time getting this list to this point.
56. I wish my church was less conservative.
57. I've never been to a class reunion.
58. Occasionally, I come up with a good idea.
59. I didn't get my driver's license until I was 17...
60. ...because I failed the test the first time.
61. One of my favorite movies is Gone With the Wind.
62. My only two times in the hospital was for the births of my two children.
63. These were also my only two surgeries.
64. I adore comments on my blog!
65. I prefer autumn to the other seasons.
66. People who drive with their turn signal on irritate me.
67. I used to be able to speak German. I even took notes in college in German - really confused people who borrowed my psych notes!
68. I don't make decisions easily.
69. I have English, Irish, German and Cherokee ancestors.
70. I don't have a green thumb. I killed a plant that had survived longer than I had been alive.
71. I watch too much television.
72. One of my favorite books is Little Women.
73. I tend to have good intentions, but lack a bit on that whole follow-through thingy.
74. I really enjoy antiques and heirlooms, and the stories that go with them.
75. The first time I met DH's oldest brother, he was wearing a purple glitter wig.
76. My DH proposed to me while I had curlers in my hair...
77. ...and before I had brushed my teeth.
78. We've not had a morning date since then...hmmm...
79. Marching bands make me cry - no clue why!
80. I'm so proud of my DH and my kids!
81. I love all things coffee-flavored.
82. Except the drink.
83. I used to think Dracula lived in my bedroom closet.
84. I'm terrified of things that are grossly disproportionate (think Freddy Krueger in the first movie - ugh!)
85. I tend to play everything safe!
86. I usually have a difficult time believing I'm good at anything.
87. When I was a child, I had a number of odd, 'supernatural' experiences.
88. I like Monty Python - indeed, all things British.
89. I've never broken a bone.
90. I can't do a cartwheel - never could.
91. I enjoy organizing events - even though it makes me nuts!
92. I would rather be in the background.
93. I don't always know how to show my family how much I love them.
94. I dislike wearing shoes indoors - blame my hillbilly grandmother!
95. I adore my grandmother!
96. I hate being in traffic - large cities at rush hour will send me into a conniption!
97. When I was a child, I was deathly afraid of sirens - kinda ironic, eh?
98. I'm not logical, nor do I have a whole lotta common sense.
99. I'm concerned that I'm not doing a good job raising my kids.
100. I want to be closer to God.

*whew*

100 things - part one

1. I've been saved.
2. I don't deserve it.
3. I'm a wife.
4. I'm a mom.
5. I've been baptized twice.
6. I was never teacher's pet.
7. I was the principal's pet (much better!)
8. I'm an only child.
9. I'm a good speller.
10. I spelled down my entire grade school when I was in fourth grade.
11. I came in fourth in the next round of competition.
12. I used to collect koala bears, music boxes and unicorns.
13. I love to read.
14. I love music.
15. But, I don't read music well.
16. I sing while I do dishes. Every night.
17. I didn't go to my prom - or any dances in high school.
18. I didn't have my first date until the night I graduated.
19. I was in an accelerated English class in high school.
20. I cannot diagram a sentence.
21. I hated studying wars and battles.
22. I acted in a play (yes, a real one!) when I was in Jr. High.
23. I don't know how I got roped into doing it.
24. I come from a broken home.
25. I was nine days late when I was born.
26. My mother thought my head was on backwards when viewing an early sonogram.
27. I am a sexual abuse survivor.
28. I love weddings.
29. My first experience singing publicly was at a funeral for someone I didn't know.
30. I don't read my Bible or pray nearly as much as I should.
31. I'm related to John Wilkes Booth.
32. I've been to both coasts.
33. I hate to clean floors.
34. I have no desire to visit Las Vegas.
35. Ah...but the United Kingdom is another story...
36. I don't cook very well. Or very often.
37. I like chocolate.
38. I couldn't eat the stuff when I was pregnant.
39. I have a terrific memory for useless information.
40. I'm a great Trivial Pursuit player.
41. I'm named for two aunts.
42. I like Victoriana.
43. I enjoy cross-stitching.
44. But I can't ever finish projects after the stitching is done.
45. Because I can't sew.
46. I'm a Past Honored Queen.
47. I've always lived in the same state.
48. I'm dentist-phobic.
49. I used to work in a carnival.
50. And as a result of that job, I once showered in a tent next to a beer garden.

...on and on and on...

Well, the cupcakes went over big time, in spite of the lack of beverage. And, okay, yes, I'll admit it wasn't that big of a deal to get them. And yes, it made me feel good to do something nice for my kiddo. Could you stop guilting me already? Gosh!

So, I've become like Miss Popularity at work. Crazy things keep ending up on my desk: papers, candles, stamps, things that actually require my attention and/or action...what are people thinking around here?! I actually had a call from a vendor and they referred to me as an administrator - yikes! Doesn't that mean I have some sort of authority? No thanks, I'll pass! Actually, the vendor wanted to walk me through changes on their website and asked if I had about five or ten minutes to do that. Hah! Maybe next April!

I've started working on my 100 things list. I should have all 100 in, oh, about two weeks! Actually, I fell asleep on the couch last night, and DH came upstairs and I woke up to find him reading my list. He had some creative and interesting suggestions to add. (insert sarcasm here) 100 things is tough!

Home again home again, jiggity jog

What am I thinking - no jogging! Although after all the chocolate this weekend - something sure needs to be done! The retreat went very well I thought. We were a crowded, but merry, band of about 35 or so. Our theme was "Speechless" - yeah, I've heard it already - 35 women together for a weekend and "speechless"?! Actually, during the time set aside for personal devotion, it was very quiet! We had lots of positive comments about the study material, the location, the food - it was very gratifying to hear that all the hard work the committee did was appreciated!

Fridays at our retreats are always fun - icebreaker games, singing, and free time/games until all hours.

Saturday we started with breakfast and then sang some songs and went into our video speaker presentation (Liz Curtis Higgs) after which we did personal devotions. We regrouped for lunch and then free time - usually naps after Friday, but games as well, and as we were in a beautiful location with halfway decent February weather, some went for walks. Then came dinner, after which we broke into small groups for one more study. Then we had some personal testimonies, and singing. LOTS of singing. My voice, which was iffy at best Friday morning, completely quit by about 11:30 Saturday night - that last 'there's no God like Jehovah' did me in!

Sunday morning was breakfast and singing, devotional and communion. Then we packed and skedaddled.

Sometimes, the ride home can be the most fun - our travel group of three vans wound up at a 'local' restaurant, where we found three other van loads! Lots of fun!

We studied Liz Curtis Higgs' Bad Girls of the Bible this year, and it seemed to go over well! I believe that based on the response we had at the retreat that we'll be doing the book as a Sunday School class.

I do have to admit that I felt a bit disconnected this year - I'm not sure why. I didn't feel like I could get as deep into my studies or relationships this weekend. I don't know if it was the headaches I suffered from ALL weekend, or the fact that I was really concerned if people would be getting anything out of the studies/weekend, or that I hadn't been sleeping and it was really catching up to me...I don't know...

Regardless, it was good to get home and see my kiddos and DH and dawg. Of course, this morning my elder gets up and reminds me he needs 25 treats of some sort for his 'half-birthday' - ugh! Please! Half-birthday?!?! Why does the teacher think I had kids in the summer in the first place?!? Fortunately (for me, anyway), younger DS's half birthday happens to fall during Christmas break! Mwahaha!

So off I trudge to the store looking for treats. You know what? 25 is not the common number in which cupcakes are sold. Fortunately, I had a sympathetic bakery who threw in an extra cupcake at no charge. But I drew the line at beverages! Just call me the half-birthday scrooge! lol!

Wow

My DH came to me last night and asked for prayers. This may not seem like a big deal to some, but this doesn't happen often. So I sat quietly and listed attentively, while at the same time, I'm jumping for joy inside. He let me know that he has some hard tasks to take care of in the next couple of days and that he needs prayers that things would well. I guess there's good news and bad news here: good that he's asking for prayers, not so good for the things he needs to do. But, I've decided to look at the bad stuff as an opportunity for God to show His power.

The retreat is tomorrow! Darn work is really interfering with the stuff I need to get done...

Next on my list of things I believe/know is that my family loves me. My DH and kids are so wonderful and I'm incredibly blessed. There are some people in my hometown family who are solid as rocks and on my side - and they more than make up for the ones that aren't.

Thank You Lord for my family. Lord, please be with my husband over the next couple of days. Extend Your grace to him as he humbles himself. Please let things work according to Your will and plan. Be with the women at the retreat this weekend. Let us draw close to You and experience Your power.

prayer

Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now
There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniel's den
And I have asked You once or twice if You would part the sea again
But tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky
Just want to know You're gonna hold me if I start to cry
Oh, great God, be small enought to hear me now

Oh, great God, be close enough to feel You now
There have been moments when I could not face Goliath on my own
And how could I forget we've marched around our share of Jerichos
But I will not be setting out a fleece for You tonight
Just want to know that everything will be alright
Oh, great God, be close enought to feel You now

All praise and all honor be
To the God of ancient mysteries
Whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history
But tonight my heart is heavy
And I cannot keep from whispering this prayer
"Are You There?"

And I know You could leave writing on the wall that's just for me
Or send wisdom while I'm sleeping, like in Solomon's sweet dreams
But I don't need the strength of Samson or a chariot in the end
Just want to know that You still know how many hairs are on my head
Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now.
-Nichole Nordeman

Blessings...

Well, another day at work...sigh. But on the bright side, another day closer to the retreat! Woo hoo!

Hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day - and for my single friends - Happy Ferris Wheel Day!

Next on the list of things of which I'm certain...God has blessed me beyond measure. He has given me life. He has given me a wonderful husband and children. He has given me a great measure of health. My church family is out of this world. I have a job, for which I'm grateful. He is constantly providing for me and my family. He's given me talents which I am still discovering through the kind words of others. Even the fact that the sun rose this morning and I could enjoy it is from Him. How marvelous! And it goes on...

Twu Wuv

Saturday, my DH was involved in the planning and execution of the second annual men's ministry Valentine's dinner. Last year, it was a surprise for the wives - which I think they pulled off admirably. This year, we had some new blood in the kitchen (no - no one got hurt!) and although the smoke alarm kept sounding, I think a good time was had by all. DH was called in for overtime and we didn't think he'd be able to make it, but at the last minute, he managed to squeeze a few hours out of work to come help with the preparation and dinner.

I think part of my problem in blog-land is that I read everyone else's before I work on mine - and I think I get intimidated by all those deep thoughts out there: all those rationalizations, and homilies on apologetics and hermaneutics and other 'ics' of which I know only enough to scramble my poor widdle bwain...but let's start with the basics of what I believe.

I believe that there is a Creator who loves me. He has devoted Himself to me and to prove it, He sent a part of Himself to die a terrible, horrible, torturous death. For me. So He and I could be together forever.

Overwhelming! Amazing! Who am I? Why me? What did I do to deserve such sacrifice? How could I ever repay Him?

This, then, is what love is all about.

Hmmm...

I was recently challenged to discover what I believe. About everything. This challenge has been reinforced by some of the topics on some of my regular blog readings. So. I guess I ask for your indulgence for awhile as I discover what the heck makes me tick.

It's ALIVE!!

Well, mostly alive anyway...

I checked out of work last Thursday. The niggling pain in my throat turned into a full blown assault on my entire system. Not pretty. DH was firmly convinced that I started my annual bout of pneumonia early this year, and I have to admit that Saturday I was ready to agree with him. But I'm feeling a bit better today. It's amazing how much work can pile up from being gone just one day. But I'm finally officially caught up! Hooray!

So not much has really been going on that I've been conscious of anyway. I know people came to our house to watch the Super Bowl Sunday evening, and I was really looking forward to it! However, one of our guests said he'd be late, and as he recently had two bouts of major hip surgery, I wanted to make sure he was able to navigate our treacherous front steps. So I remained upstairs while the party headed down to the cave.

Sunday after church the Women's Ministry Group finalized (if I may use that term loosely) the ladies' retreat. I think (hope and pray) that it will be a good time!

Have a pleasant day!

**this space for rent**

Today is not going to be a great day - I can already tell. The cold that's been threatening since early December has hit full-force today. So I feel like dookie. And on top of that, I discovered today that part of my job can, and has been done by an eleven year old. Ouch! Sorry I'm such a downer today!

Lord, help! I'm at a really low point today. I realize my problems aren't that huge in the scale of world events, but I don't feel like I can even lift my head to praise You. Grant me Your patience today. Let me see You. Help me get over and outside of myself today and focus on others. Let me be an encouragement to someone.

My turn

Not so much great news on the new job front...(oooh - my English degree is rolling in its frame!) Looks like it may be a bust - the current person in the position may have botched up the job so badly that management will be sorting and revamping for awhile before offering it to someone new. Shame, 'cuz I can botch with the best of 'em - just ask my boss!

Anyhoo~started working on music for the retreat in earnest, and it seems to be coming together pretty well. I'm always amazed when a plan comes together!

Monday Ramblings...

On the way to church yesterday, I was listening to this song I've mentioned previously that I really want to use for our retreat. My elder son asked me the meaning of the song. So I explained the story, and explained the song to him. Evidently I did a pretty good job, because he told me he understood it. I figure if I can explain it to a ten year old...

I went to my hometown this weekend. I used to be involved in a girl's organization - actually, all of my aunts and my mom were also involved in this organization, and they were having a special visit by the state leaders. My grandfather was there, and he's pretty stoic. I went up and gave him a hug, and he was glad to see me, but it was like he had seen me that morning, instead of 2 years ago! Not exactly the rewarding reunion I was looking for...

So I found my aunt, and went up behind her and touched her on the shoulder. She turned, saw me, threw her arms around me and started crying. "Oh, I'm so glad you're here! I've missed you!" Now THAT made the drive worthwhile...!

My DH still is leery about this group, and is glad we have boys! Too funny! I have to admit, when I show up for one of these meetings, I get all nostalgic and want to get involved again. I feel like I was at a high point when I was in this group. It gave me self confidence and leadership skills, not to mention fun and friends! My aunt will be the state leader in three years, and I'm half hoping she'll ask me to help her in some way - other than cross stitching pin guards...! I know DH would not be thrilled, but I warned him when she got elected that it might happen. It would take up a year's worth of weekends for traveling state wide...so I don't think I'll be able to swing that.

New horizons...?

God is just so amazing! I got an email a couple of days ago from a friend who said there may be an opening where she works, and wanted to know if I'd be interested. Well, duh! She's well aware of my current work/prison. I discussed it with DH, and while he wasn't as enthused as I thought he would be, he was supportive nonetheless. He commented on how blessed he was to have his job - not only to have a good job with decent pay considering he didn't attend college, but that he felt his job made a difference to others. It a necessary position, and he feels good when he's done his job.

On the other hand, I have no great feelings about helping people in my job. I don't usually have the opportunity to 'help' people. Unfortunately, my job is also necessary, but I don't necessarily feel 'good' about it.

This new position would be directly and literally helping people. While I'm sure it would have some uncomfortable moments, I also know I would feel fulfilled and, yes, even proud of a good day's work. Something I don't know that I've ever felt here.

Praise

I've been studying our theme story for the retreat and listening to a particular song related to that story for the last couple of days. This morning, one line of the song really struck home with me. How much does my praise cost me? What do I give up? How can I give more? How much does it cost you?

On the plus side...

I called her. And it went well. Which is good. I feel pretty good about it. It was mostly chit chat - nothing too deep or intense - which I don't know that I could have handled this close to lunchtime - but it was positive.

Now - on to bigger and better things...!

Lord, thank You for her heart and the healing that is beginning here. Please continue to work on her and on me.

It's only Tuesday?!?

I returned from lunch today to a message that my former friend had called. And I will confess that I was (am) less than thrilled. She had written me a while ago telling me that she felt she needed time to let her know what God wanted her to do. Fine. Maybe it's my current mood, or my current stage of life, or my current ___insert term___, but I don't feel like dealing with this again. I did what I know in my heart was right and I feel it was with God's blessing and instruction, and I'm finished with it. I wonder if it was my recent conversation with the third leg of this twisted little triangle that prompted her to call.

So. How many Mondays should I be expecting this week?!?

Speechless

The women's ministry servant group met yesterday to start planning the retreat. I truly believe God was there with us at Chevy's yesterday, helping us plan, inspiring us, laughing with us. We have a theme, a program, a menu, etc - which is more than when we started!

We decided on a 'speechless' theme, incorporating a time of silent study and contemplation during the weekend - which I'm really looking forward to having! So I got home yesterday, and started working on some devotional thoughts ("Deep Thoughts") and started planning some music, when I realized it was too quiet to work! I needed noise! Oh, how I really need this retreat!!!

I spoke to the third party in my friend adventure. I tried to be humble and asked for forgiveness. She assured me she had nothing against me whatsoever, and I didn't need to be apologizing. So, things are better on that front!

blah-g

Not really much happenin' here. Waitin' for the snow...waitin' to pick up the kiddos...waitin' to go home...just waitin'

Felt a little useful today. Worked on the handouts for the valentine's dinner. Hopefully encouraged a friend with some concerns - luv ya Jenn! Actually did some work (I figured as long as I was here...what the heck!)

AND...the boss brought in cookies...

So far not a bad day...

A,B,C,1,2,3

I'm getting the itch to organize something. This happens every once in a while. I get an overwhelming urge to make lists, and put things together - it's really annoying. We're having guests to dinner Saturday so I could make a grocery list, or a list of things I need to do around the house. My DH wants to do another Valentine's dinner at church (heads up, ladies!) so I could start helping with that. Then there's the retreat. I could start listing songs, or icebreakers, or...I'm even wanting to start a new cross-stitch project - you know, list the fabric, and all the floss I need. Holidays - sure! Why not? Get a really early start.

...fighting urge...to alphabetize...spice rack...aarrrgh!

Doggone it

Well, our beloved Wrigley got loose this morning. And lemme tell ya - he's a fast little buggar! Somehow he broke his tie-out and was wandering around the neighborhood. Not good! Our block is surrounded by some pretty busy streets. DH was very philosophical in his anger: "He'll come back. And when he does..." Well, I'm not so sure - he's not been around our home too terribly long, and his breed just follows their noses until they run into an obstacle, look around, and then realize their miles from home. I talked to my DH a little while ago, and Wrigley's back home, but in his crate in disgrace.

I know there's a lesson here - about listening to the Master's call to come home, etc., but I'll let you figure it out. I'm just glad he's home.

Sounding Retreat

The Lord has really put on my heart that I need to talk to the sister whom I believe was talking to my former friend. Especially since we serve on a committee together and have some heavy duty planning coming up for the ladies' retreat. I guess I've decided to go, and if they'll have me, I'll lead worship. I've also been getting icebreaker ideas, and ideas to implement things I wanted to do last year, but ran out of time!

I have this vision of how this conversation will go, and can only pray that it will go as well as I imagine it. I hate being at odds with anyone, and this has really been bothering me lately. So, I'm hoping to grab her for a private talk sometime before our planning meeting next week.

Now that I've decided to go, I'm really getting excited about the retreat. We've been going to a lodge a couple of hours from our home town, and we have really great facilities there. They have a seperate building with a greatroom and hotel rooms, a kitchenette, fireplace - everything we could need (except the jacuzzi - which is at the main building!) The windows of the greatroom look out over a beautiful lake. It's well worth the drive! My DH, in particular, doesn't understand why we need to go so far away for our retreats. Ha! The men go out to a local lake and camp. I don't think so - I'm not really a canvassy-buggy-forage for my own food kinda gal! Gimme access to a pool and room service and I'm set!

Lord, please work on my heart and help me be truly humble when I talk to my sister. And I pray she is forgiving and understanding. Bless our efforts for the retreat, and let it be a great time of drawing close to You.

...words...

"...if the people around you aren't disciples, it means you ain't Jesus..."

I shared this statement (slightly paraphrased) with my husband, and we had two completely different takes on it. His thinking was that it meant simply that you and I aren't Jesus. Having read it in context, my understanding was that it was a bit more convicting: you aren't showing others Jesus through you. Words...

Please keep the Cope family and the families of the others affected by the wreck this weekend in your prayers...

The good news: my basement is clean!

I feel so disconnected - I was away from my computer all day yesterday. Well, I was offline all day. Actually, I was in pretty close physical proximity to the machine, but only because I was slogging through all the water in the basement to rip up the carpet in the office. That's right - the basement was soaked! We had anywhere from 1/2 - 1 inch throughout the basement. (Who knew our basement wasn't exactly level?) So, I made a panicked call to work telling them I'd be in if we got things taken care of before the work day was over. Please stop laughing at me now. I had no idea it would take as long as it did. Call me Pollyanna...

Looks like we mainly lost the carpet in the office and in my DH's cave. He's lost a photo background, but it wasn't in the best shape anyway. We're waiting to see how the other one dries. He also lost all the furniture he made for the cave, but he's not concerned too much about that. Bless his heart, he had such a great attitude about the situation yesterday!

I'm reading a book entitled Bad Ground by W Dale Cramer, and wanted to share a bit of a sermon one of his characters was giving:

He talked softly about how God's voice sent brilliant whiteness firing out of a blackness that had no prior knowledge of light, how He hung the sun and moon with a whisper, painted crimson sunsets and ice-blue oceans, wrought rivers of silver fishes and endless rippling fields of grass, hurricanes and butterflies and elephants and snow, all with nothing more than the sound of His voice.
"In the beginning, He was God the Wordsmith," the speaker said, "and He saw that it was good. But then He came to man. And when He decided to make a man, He did not speak him into being. He picked up a handful of dirt instead."
"He blew into the dirt...and there was a living, breathing man. The first one. It was the first time God ever got His hands dirty, the first time He started with something instead of nothing, and the first time He ever breathed His own life into something like that. It was then, when He made man, that He stopped being God the Wordsmith, and He became God the Father."
"If there is anger in you," he said, "if there is selfishness and lust and strife, that is the voice of the dust. But if there is love and joy and peace, that is the breath of God."


Have a good (dry) day! Blugs!

*Insert Title Here*

As I stated in an earlier blog, I am really enjoying 'The Message.' But I have to admit I have yet to find a translation that really gets my hyped about reading Numbers. I am really REALLY tempted to skip through it. If anyone has any suggestions on that little tidbit, please pass them along...

DH and I watched 'The Village' last night. And I will admit to being quite jumpy early in the movie! But it was pretty good. No deep theological or philosophical thoughts - just a pretty good movie with a happy (for me in terms of the fear thing) resolution. Little disappointed in the 'extra features' on the DVD. I was really hoping for a more in-depth explanation of the symbolism Shymalan (sp?) used, etc. Oh, well. It caused some very weird dreams last night - making sure all the shades were pulled and doors were locked - and there was that really weird part where some friend was dating the late, great (IMHO) Jerry Orbach. Yeah.

I'm reconsidering the women's retreat - now that I know one is possible this year. I think I'd like to go, and am really torn about leading worship. I am getting 'the bug' to do it, but it could be a 'control' issue for me. I'll listen to the Lord's leading.

Thanks!

Bless and thank you all for the prayers! I truly felt covered, and surrounded by your concern and love. I'm MUCH better today. There has been some resolution in the situation, and while there's still much work to do, it's a whole lot better than yesterday!

Lord, thank You for this quirky little family of bloggers with which You have blessed me! Thank You for Your unifying love that draws us together. Show me how I may help others today. Open my eyes and let me see others as You see them.

sorry

I hate that I wear my feelings on my sleeve. If something is wrong, everybody knows. If something is good, everbody knows. I wish that I had the ability to just put on a happy face no matter what the circumstances, and deal with things on the inside. I feel like I'm a sponge when I feel badly, and I want to be more outward focused. But right now, I'm on the verge of tears, and my stomach is in knots, and everybody can tell something is wrong.

Please keep me in your prayers.

...anybody out there...?

Just a quick entry today. Slow day at work, so I visited all my favorite blogs, and my favorite comics, and my favorite new sources, and my favorite blogs again, and my favorite forums, and my favorite blogs yet again, and...still got my work done with LOTS of time to spare.

So. I went back to my first favorite blog and hit that little button up in the right corner that says 'next blog.' Interesting blogs out there. I found quite a few blogs that were brand spankin' new, some that were very dark and disturbing, some that were very junior high-ish - what a riot! And I found some that were about God and the wonderful things He's doing in people's lives. Hallelujah - bright spots in the vast reaches of internet-dom!

"Icy stares on icy stairs"

Sorry - couldn't resist the title! I haven't actually noticed any icy stares on icy stairs since I wrote that line in college - one of my obligatory young adult - angst-ridden poems! (Who didn't write those?!) The weather outside is truly frightful this morning! Lots of ice, black and otherwise on the pavement, cars, etc. Little hairy getting into work this morning! Shoot, I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it down my front steps!

I started on Exodus last night - fastest trip through Genesis I think I've ever had! And I come to the passage where God hears the groaning of the Israelites in Egypt. The Message translation really jumped out at me: "God listened to their groanings. God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw what was going on with Israel. God understood." (italics mine) I froze. I so absolutely needed that reaffirmed to me. God understands. He understands that I'm not perfect. He understands that there are days when I don't even want to be perfect! He understands that there are also days when I kill myself to be perfect, and fail. Again. He understands that I need Him more than anything else. And He's okay with that.

The good in the bad

I received a copy of The Message for Christmas this year, and I've really enjoyed reading it. Not the best for studying necessarily, but great for just reading. In an effort to refresh my study times, I'm going to try to do more lectio divina. So I've been reading Genesis (great place to start, eh?) and it's been much easier going than in my NIV.

In my pondering and reading, I've been thinking about Jacob working for so long for Rachel and his 'escape' from his father in law. Every time his father in law tried to change Jacob's wages, or his working conditions, God was always faithful and made good things happen out of the bad that was attempted. God brought this story to mind today when my boss handed down a decision to change my work today, and, I have to admit, my hackles got raised. So, I will keep my eyes open for the good that God will bring from this situation.

Happy Monday!

Well, my friend pulled it off and surprised his wife New Year's Eve! I don't know how he did it, but he did! They eloped when they got married, so having her parents here on New Year's was such a treat for her. Her hubby also got her a wedding ring set - which she had not had the first time. She was overwhelmed!

I got to sing yesterday, which was great - I really enjoy singing with the praise team. But I really struggled with being outwardly focused. The person whom I believe has been telling my former friend (which I've blogged about before) was sitting very close to the front. Not singing. Not really participating. Now, to be fair, I have never really noticed if this person ordinarily is more involved in worship. I just felt like I was being watched. I don't know. I was just very uncomfortable. Because of this, I've really been debating on going on the women's retreat (provided we have one this year - I haven't heard anything.) I mean, holed up all weekend with this situation...but then again, it may be the perfect time and place for resolution. I dunno. If I do decide to go on the retreat, I don't think I'll lead worship this year. I feel the need to be in the background this time around...

Lord, quiet my soul. Give me peace and guidance.