As you may or may not know, we've been, ummmm, concerned about Tyler's grades for quite a while now. Today I got the dreaded letter from the school - our beloved, intelligent, handsome, wonderful son is in real danger of failing this year. Or as the school so PC-ish-ly put it - non-promotion at the end of the school year. We have talked, we have encouraged, we have cajoled, we have bribed, we have scolded, we have yelled, we have grounded - all to no avail.
Tyler is a very sociable child. He loves getting together with friends, and weekends are made to have buddies spend the night playing video games. He really, REALLY enjoys the Friday night programs at church with the youth group.
Here's my dilemma:
A) Do we punish him at all? I just got off the phone with him. He read the letter aloud to me and understands the situation. I have also told him that I will not try to prevent his teachers from failing him if his grades are not good enough.
B) If we punish him - what should the punishment be? Losing privileges such as phone, TV, video games does not seem to have any effect. Grounding also seems to just irritate him as opposed to teaching a lesson.
The only thing I have seen that seems to work is preventing him from attending those beloved Friday evenings. Hence my dilemma. I really don't want to deprive him of activities related to the church/youth group. I know that these relationships will hopefully last him a lifetime. *sigh*
I haven't talked about this with Allen, so this may be a moot point...who knows?
4 comments:
Hmm.... that is a tuff one. Well, only some of the night is "educational" and the rest of the night is "fun" so maybe he would have to come home early?? I don't know - I'm glad I don't have to make decisions like that yet!
If he fails or is non-promoted, it will be punishment enough to be separated from his peers....He should know that your acceptance of him has nothing to do with his school work......however, perhaps an educational "tutoring" or something over the summer (when he is supposed to be having fun) might get his attention..
My kids were the same way. Total social butterflies. Smart as they could be, could have cared less about school work....I feel your pain!
As a school teacher and a parent...do everything you can to avoid non-promotion! It took me years to understand what that kind of failure does to a kid.
Daily involvement, accountability, forced study time, tutoring, positive rewards, negative consequences, and anything else you can think of should be applied now! Quickly! Daily! Don't let him fall behind. Seek the teacher's help.
Now, my disclaimer: I don't know your situation or what he is dealing with. There may be emotional or physical issues that need to be dealt with. Motivation is not easy and you can't make someone learn that doesn't want to learn. I try to do it every day of the week. It doesn't work.
Pray hard! Do all you can to help.
I'll be praying for you guys! I'm not there yet, but Nick does have some of those same social qualities that can become a distraction. Is Tyler just not applying himself & being lazy, or could there be something more serious? Sounds like he could use a little inspiration too, but I don't know what that would be!
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