Post holiday, part 2

I hope all of you had a wonderful, wonder-filled Christmas. Santa came early for us - he does that for public servants when necessary. Waddaguy!

Now, on to New Year's - anyone have resolutions? Anything anyone would like to see in '08?

Moving into high mode on the retreat, too. Herding cats, in my opinion - *sheesh* - lol!

Just wanted y'all to know I AM still here - just not often...miss you!

Brand new...

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Ryan (my Rybee), original birthdate 07/05; re-birthdate 12/02.



Dad, doing the honors...


Getting some hugs from the dudes...


New in Christ, but still goofy and lovable.

Post-holiday...

I hope you all had a terrific, restful Thanksgiving! We certainly did - well, maybe not restful necessarily, but...

I think Allen and I rediscovered how much fun the other can be. We spent a LOT of time together this weekend: picking out paint colors, applying said paint, cleaning house, law-breaking *ahem*, watching TV - just hangin' out. It was really fun, and something I think we needed.

Now, on to Christmas - and yes, I'm using the C-word! Less than thirty days, people!! I'm looking forward to this weekend's slumbie/decorating session at the church. I really hope we have enough decorations donated to do what I am envisioning...we'll see!

Off to do homework...!

Mojo risin' (not)

I've lost my mojos, I think. I've lost my stitching mojo, my blogging mojo, my music mojo - you name it and I can't seem to find it. Even my *gasp* Christmas mojo - can you imagine?!

I feel okay. I'm excited about the things I AM doing, but the things I mentioned - meh. Maybe I'm just tired today. I dunno...

Tyler is going to go out for the wrestling team. I think it will be really good for him. I don't know why, but I feel very comfortable with this. Guess I'll just go with it! LoL!

Okay - wrists hurting, so I better go...

Have a great week and a wonderful Thanksgiving, Blogville!

Catching up

So, yeah, Thanksgiving is one week away. Can you believe it?! And tomorrow, (Friday) the holiday-which-must-not-yet-be-named will be here in less time than Noah didn't have to water his lawn! (So to speak...)

My supervisor has asked me to mentor/train the new person that will be coming to work with me. Great news! I'm very happy that she has seen something in me that she feels is good enough to train someone else. However, that means my current partner on my floor and former mentor/trainer is moving to another floor. Yeah, NOT so great news! So, I'm trying really hard not to be a pain about being excited, and respecting the fact that she doesn't want to move. I know she's bitter (inside, anyway) and not happy by any stretch of the imagination. But like someone told me today, I can't own her problems.

Soooo...I guess I won't! Lol!

Duh...

Wow - I guess if I actually blogged more often, I would have noticed that my most recent post echoed very closely the one immediately prior - either that or I'm REALLY REALLY boring...

What?

In response to some of the comments left on my previous entry, specifically Maud's, I have to admit (59 days) that I'm not sure to what you are referring. Christmas (59 days people!) is a long way off, and far be it from me (cards ready?) to harp on any sort of subject - especially (lists made!) on that tends to make people unhappy - time after time after time (gifts? check!) until people are ready to kill me! I mean, come on - I'm not a glutton (menu planned) for punishment here! I've learned my lesson in years past! I'm not going to mention ANYTHING about (cookies!!!) the holiday that's coming up! Nuh-uh! Nosirree! Not me!!!

Lol - actually, I've been trying to get things together for the sisterchick lock-in at the end of November - we'll be decorating the church building, so I've been coming up with ideas for that rather than doing anything for the house.

Beyond that, I'm heavily into planning next year's retreat - yay!!! We're making some changes, and I'm really excited about it! Nearly everything is done, and I've still got about four months. (Can you say "over-tweaking"? Lol!)

In work news, I've been given all KINDS of new responsibilities, so either I've really impressed someone, or I've messed up in reverse! But, actually, I'm really enjoying the new things, so that's good!

Have a terrific day, Blogville!

Testing...1...2...3...

Yes, I'm still around. I was just sitting here, playing me some Bingo Luau on Pogo (hit 1 million tokens tonight - woot!) and was listening to my iPod play list when a song by Michael Card came on. Took me back to about 13 years ago...(cue flashback sequence)

...to when Tyler was just a little thing and as a gift, someone made us a tape of Michael Card music, along with some other lullaby-esque tunes. We played that tape EVERY. NIGHT. Sometimes, more than once! Then, we played it for Ryan when he came along. I still have it somewhere around here. I'll always remember rocking each one of them in the dark, listening to that tape. *sniff*

Moving on...so yeah, my job is still going like gangbusters! I'm so thankful I am where I am! Just last week, I was accorded some extra 'sponsibilities, so I must be doing something right, right?

(Wow - it just hit me how pitiful that fact that I'm excited about a million tokens (which, by the way, I'll NEVER use for anything) is, and how much wasted time over the last seven years those tokens represent! Ack!)

Anyway, in other news, I've started (and nearly completed) next year's women's retreat! We're changing some things (a lot of things, actually!) and I'm really getting excited about it! Almost everything is done, like I said, but I still have about four months to go. Great. How much planning is too much??? I also started working on some things a little closer timewise.

As far as my last post goes, the throat is feeling MUCH better, and I even sang with the praise team yesterday. But the weird thing was that I had NO confidence in singing at all. I felt like I couldn't hit a note with a rock. Weird...guess it's a good thing I didn't have a solo, huh?

Just wanted to let people know I'm still around, and have let up on the pressure to post things deep and meaningful all the time (obviously, eh?) Lol!

Have a great week, Blogville! Blugs!

Shhhh!

I am getting over the start-of-school cold that my beloved sons thoughfully brought home. I'm pretty much well, with the occasional minor cough, but I've had a real scare with my throat. For a number of days, it felt like I had some sort of lesion in my throat. It hurt to talk, it hurt to whisper, it hurt to breathe! So, for those few days, I was very quiet - whispering only when necessary - and taking pain medication, etc. to try to recover as soon as possible. Then it started to hurt less to talk. Still cautious, I took another couple of 'quiet' days, just to be sure.

Feeling pretty good, I took the next step - I tried to sing a little something in the car on the way home from work - BAD. IDEA. The pain was excruciating! I was really afraid that I wouldn't be able to sing for a very long time - or even ever again! You must understand that singing is what I do. I can't teach or preach, I'm not very good with socializing - the only thing I do in front of people pretty much is sing. (And to be honest, there are plenty of times when THAT doesn't go to well!)

Singing is how I praise. It's how I feel close to Him. It's my way into the throne room. If I can't sing, how will I get there? I was in crisis mode.

I finally decided just to be quiet for a little longer and listen. I still managed to sneak into the throne room - just not as loudly. Today at church, I just listened to everyone else around me singing. I was just quiet. And I was okay with that.

15 + 1

Well, we had our traditional anniversary meal last night, and it was very nice - the kids were wonderfully behaved and intent upon serving us, the dog was brought us each our slippers, the coolers were frosty cold and tasty...riiiiiight...

Just kidding! Actually, we're both coming down with the annual start-of-school cold/flu thing that our beloved children have brought home along with homework. Blech.

I finally woke up last night around 11:30 to find Allen snoozing at the other end of the couch - you're jealous, I know.

Anyway, we're both looking forward to maybe heading out for a real anniversary dinner this weekend - just the two of us. I can't wait! Especially since we're hosting Ryan's sleepover Friday night. Pray for us...?

I still do...

1 true love

2 boys

3 dogs

4 different jobs for me/addresses for us

5 members in our current family unit

6 different cars

7 years ago - a new millenium! Does that mean our love is for the ages?

8 years ago we partied like it was - oh, wait, it WAS!

9 years ago was our first house-buying adventure - ack!

10 trillion times per day I think of you

11 years of being a family of four

12 months seem to go by too fast and at the same time too slow

13 years of anniversary fried chicken dinners (so we missed a couple of years...)

14 million versions of barbecue sauce and/or rub - HA! Finally got it, though!

15 years of loving you and thanking God every day for bringing us together

Happy anniversary, sweetheart! I love you!

Just get over it already!

No, this isn't going to be some sort of political entry, or even about Britney's belly.

My feelings were hurt this weekend, completely unintentionally, but I REALLY struggled to deal with it. It affected my attitude Saturday, it affected my worship on Sunday, it made me grumpy and resentful and altogether unpleasant to be around.

Someone mentioned offhandedly that a bunch of friends were getting together Saturday evening, and wondered if I'd be there. Well, that would be no, because this was the first I'd heard about it.

"Oh. Well, your name was mentioned."

Niiiiiice.

So my attitude was crap.

I really, truly, tried to look on the brighter side - to be encouraged that some of the women were getting together in fellowship and fun (one of my goals for the women at church), and I knew that if I prayed for their evening, my attitude would improve. So I tried to pray.

Yeah. That didn't go so well.

I was pretty far down into my own little pity party to do much prayer-warrior-ing (?) but, I did get over it. Thanks in large part to a well-timed pants-kicking by my beloved hubby.

Then Monday happens along and all my insecurities that nobody likes me were brought to the fore once again, due to some perceived (on my part) anger or SOMEthing with a co-worker. I hated how I felt. I hated that it was happening again. I hated that I had let satan get to me.

I gave myself a mental shake and reached out to the co-worker, who by the way, was FINE - no anger AT. ALL.

Satan is such a nerd!

Blessed

Today I was talking to a friend at work. He wanted to show me the pictures his wife has been taking and posting online. They really were great. But moreso than the pictures, I was taken by the pride and love so evident in what he said and how he said things.

I then thought about Allen, and how he talks about me when I'm not around. I know he loves me, and he always builds me up. I am blessed.

Then it hit me: that's how Jesus talks about me. He's proud of me when I do well, he grieves when I've disappointed him. The love is evident whenever he speaks of me. Thinking about me makes him smile. He knows everything, but forgets the bad and loves the good.

I really am blessed.

13

Thirteen years old. I'm having such a hard time with that. I can't believe my elder son is now a teenager. He's embarking on such an exciting journey through life - everything is ahead of him.

For his thirteenth birthday, we gave him journey-themed gifts. His own Bible, to show him which way he should go on his journey. A cross necklace, to remind him that he's so special that Someone died just for him. A watch to remind him that it's never too late to change. And a video game, to remind him to have fun on the way.

...and I didn't even cry...

Tuesday

Yeah, I probably should post something here, but today, I'm worn out. I'm just plain tired. Of just about everything. Sorry. Maybe I'll write something inspirational or enightening tomorrow...

On being like a teenager...

Actually, I snagged this from another blog I read, and you're only supposed to use one word answers - close enough to being a teen, I guess...

1. Where is your cellphone? Cellphone?
2. Relationship? Married
3. Your hair? Unruly
4. Work? Happy
5. Your sister? None
6. Your favorite thing? Singing
7. Your dream last night? Unremembered
8. Your favorite drink? Soda
9. Your dream car? Paid
10. The room you're in? Office
11. Your shoes? Indoors?!?
12. Your biggest fear? Failure
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Better
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? Friends
15. What are you not good at? Cooking
16. Muffin? Please
17. One of your wish list items? House
18. Where you grew up? Illinois
19. Last thing you did? Logon
20. What are you wearing? Pardon?
21. What aren't you wearing? Shoes
22. Your pet? Spoiled
23. Your computer? PC
24. Your life? Busy
25. Your mood? Okay
26. Missing? Hubby
27. What are you thinking about right now? Answers
28. Your car? Untidy
29. Your kitchen? Tidier
30. Your summer? HOT!
31. Your favorite color? Blue
32. Last time you laughed? Today
33. Last time you cried? Yesterday
34. School? Shopping
35. Love? Family

Your turn...

It's Here!

Today's the day! The big 0-3! I can hardly believe it! This blog is finally, officially, past the terrible two's! Whodathunkit? Blogville, I just want to thank you for letting me pitch my tent here for as long as you have, and for putting up with me - you guys ROCK!

And...I'm not REALLY hinting about a gift or anything, but my understanding is that leather is the traditional 3rd anniversary gift...



...What? It has leather...


I'm just sayin'...

Categories

Human.
Female.
Daughter.
Wife.
Mother.
Friend.
Sister in Christ.
Clerical.
Soprano.
Left-brained.
Right-handed.

All these categories and others that are supposed to define who I am and what I do and how I do them.

Yesterday, I found a link to an interesting website on another blog. The blogger has an interest in entomology and has a link to a site that will identify insects via pictures and descriptions. And every one of those identifications starts by categorizing the critter. It lists habits, and enemies, and just about anything else you'd like to know. Almost any animal website will do the same thing. Zoos worldwide are also on board that particular bandwagon.

But I've also been observing the local wildlife, as it were. And you know what? Herons don't care. Neither do lightning bugs. Or dogs. Or crabs. Or even flowers. They simply do not care what we, in our quest to pigeonhole our world, have decided that they do or do not do, or what their scientific name is, or what genus they are. They do what they were made to do. Every single one of them. They sing, or glow, or bark, or pinch, or bloom (or not) - whatever - just because it's what they are supposed to do. It's how the Creator made them. It's how they give Him their praise - by doing what He has told them to do.

He has told them to be themselves, and in doing that they honor Him.

Why can't I just do what I've been told to do by my Creator? Why can't I praise Him by being how He made me?

Georgia on my mind

As you may have read in DH's blog, we're going on vacation! Whoot! We are so excited! Our first ever official vacation - and it's to the mountains and the ocean - scree! Not really too much more to say that he hasn't, so...see you on the flip side, I guess - oh, and prayers are ALWAYS appreciated! (After all, we're spending a week in the same hotel room as our children...LOL!)

Recap

A message for my Boo...






Happy Birthday, Allen! Love you!!!!

An update

Well, at first the doctors couldn't find anything on my aunt's CAT scan. They set up an MRI for today. And they found something. Boy, did they find something! She's definitely had a stroke - but it's not her first - huh? Exactly. Evidently this is her fourth stroke - you'd think she would be a pro at them by now, wouldn't you? However, no one was more surprised at the news than she was.

So. Now they're going to do a "procedure" (not a "surgery") to her carotid artery, and hopefully take care of what might be happening in there. That means that she'll be in hospital for a couple more days at least.

She currently lives with and takes care of my grandfather. At this point, we don't really think he 'gets' what her condition will mean. Of course, that could be because no one wants to tell him the entire story.

Thank you for your prayers, and I ask that you continue.

My Aunt

My aunt's function was yesterday - you know - the one I was doing those "blasted angels" for. We went to meet her for her rehearsal Thursday evening in a town about an hour or so away from home. We did the rehearsal thing, and crashed in her suite because there was no possible way I was going to be able to drive home that late at night. My aunt, bless her, was overly stressed and under rested - welcome to Grand Session! She'd been fighting an upper respiratory infection for the past couple of weeks, but had regained her voice, and was feeling better. We (the boys and I) left to see the sights and head home Friday morning.

All of us went back to meet her yesterday afternoon/evening. THIS was what she had been working for during the past two years. Everything would finally come together this night - the room was beautiful, everyone was dressed to the nines! We went to her suite to see if she needed anything, and she told me that she was feeling fine, but that her speech was slurred, and she couldn't speak earlier that morning. When I looked at her, her mouth drooped to one side. She was trying really hard not to let my grandfather know anything might be wrong. I called Allen into her room to give her a quick check. He tested her grip, checked her pupils, and told her that as far as he could tell, she was okay. She ended up telling my grandfather, and assured him that if she didn't feel better Sunday that she would go to a doctor.

Allen pulled me aside and told me he thought something was wrong, but if it had happened early this morning, there wasn't much to be done at this moment. We went to her installation, and she just wasn't herself. She definitely raised the concern of more than one person in the room. As soon as the ceremony was over, she was convinced to go to the hospital immediately.

As of right now, they've brought her blood pressure down enough that it doesn't seem to be a huge concern, but they still have her on a stroke protocol. They haven't definitively decided that that is what has happened, but today hasn't been much better - she's still slurring, and now forgetting words.

Please keep her in your prayers. Her name is Joy, and she is very dear to me. Thanks, Blogville...

Today's the *gulp* day...

I'm really doing okay with today being my birthday. Although my planned women's ministry activity was somewhat of a flop, and neither my wonderful hubby nor my sweet kids are home with me, and it's raining, and...oh, heck!

Actually, it was a nice day! I don't really FEEL any older, and the fact that this is THE BIG ONE isn't coming into play too much. I'm looking forward to everyone being home soon, and just enjoying the long weekend. (Older people need more rest, you know...lol!)

Thanks to my great friends who turned something I was planning for someone else into a surprise celebration for me last night! I was so honored! Wait till next year, JL - your turn!!

Hospitality

We are having a cookout for some of Allen's fellow firefighters in a couple of weeks, and I've been trying really hard NOT to get stressed over the house and whether or not it's perfect. I can give you a laundry list of what things need to be done, but not when or how the things are going to get done. Usually, the prospect of guests sends me into some semblance of cleaning/organizing/decorating overdrive. Two houses ago, Allen invited his entire family over to see our then-new home for Easter Sunday. We were up VERY late most of that week, trying to add some color and (eep!) wallpaper to that house. Quite a week, let me tell you!

It's even more nervewracking for me because the guests are not from our church family. I can let some things slide for some people, because they have to love me anyway. Lol! But not so with this crowd, so I'm a little edgy on how things will come together.

At the same time, I'm trying to wrap my head around a hospitality ministry at church. We're trying to determine what that exactly should be, and where it should fit in terms of a pigeonhole - should it fall under the women's ministry? Should it be a ministry all its own?

The more research I'm doing on the topic shows me that there are some very divergent ideas on what hospitality means to some churches. All of them characterize serving others. But that service seems to range from helping with parking places to finding somewhere for someone to live. Quite a range.

I try to pride myself on being hospitable to guests in our home. And I'm becoming convicted that this pride is displaced. I read this:

The Bible suggests several attributes found in a ministry of hospitality. A focus on the needs of others rather than on one’s own is exemplified in the stories of Abraham and the three visitors (Genesis 18), the Shunammite woman (II Kings 4:8-37), and the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). A willingness to share whatever one has, even if it is meager, is demonstrated in the widow of Zarephath (I Kings 17), the little boy with a lunch (John 6:9), and the disciples from Emmaus (Luke 24:13-32).

A loving heart seeking relationship is exemplified by Mary (Luke 10:38) and in Simon’s home (Luke 7:36-50). Courage to risk developing relationships is seen in Abigail (I Samuel 25) and in Rahab (Joshua 2).

Strikingly little is said about skills of cooking, the possession of a beautiful home, or ability in conversation. In fact, the only reference to this is Christ’s gentle remonstrance with Martha not to “fret and fuss” about the details of preparing a meal for Him. He pointed her instead to the priority of being with Him. Thus, simplicity and service characterize the type of hospitality found in the scriptures.

A counterfeit form of hospitality is often confused with true Christian hospitality. This “entertaining” is ego-centered and based on materialistic concepts sold in advertisements and the media which suggest that being a “good” host or hostess demands gourmet cooking ability, a spotless and sparkling home, witty and charming conversations, etc. This form of entertaining can result in bondage, excessive labor, preoccupation with one’s own needs, and reluctance to be spontaneously generous.

(Sorry - I can only find that the quote comes from PlusLine.)

Talk about convicting! Especially that last paragraph - bondage, excessive labor, preoccupation with one's own needs - yep - got 'em all!

Now, I'm not talking about letting the house just kinda be what it is currently - there are things that need to be done to help our guests be comfortable, etc. But I have been convicted that my brand of 'hospitality' is 'show off-tality', you know? Any tips on overcoming this?

Monday

Hope all the mom's out there had a lovely Mother's Day - I know I did! My guys made sure I didn't have to lift a finger all day! Sweet!

To the two people who are still looking for posts from me - sorry! I've really been wrapped up in stuff with family and home (ask me about my wall!) and the women's ministry. I'm just not feeling the whole blog thing right now. I don't know. I'm also not feeling the whole praise team thing right now again either. (?)

We've got plans every weekend through the end of June, so I know I need to get my ducks in a row and get busy getting ready. It's mostly things I'm looking forward to, so that's good.

Any-hoo, life goes on, and I'm continually blessed by God. Blugs!!

Question #2

What ability would you like to wake up with tomorrow?

**Sorry - wasn't thinking right - I meant to ask what QUALITY you'd like to have...

Question...

If you could wake up tomorrow with any ability or gift, what would it be and why?

Miscellania

I was paid a compliment today that I absolutely don't deserve. I have been sending short devotionals out to the women on the women's ministry servant group on Wednesdays. I've really enjoyed finding just the right ones, and rummaging through my files Wednesday mornings in order to send them out. (Yes, paper files - so?) Any-hoo, one of the women emailed me back and paid me a very sweet compliment. I was brought up short, and very convicted about all that I haven't been doing for this ministry. I know that's not at all why she sent it, but God took care of the real message...
__________________________________

Got the boy's progress reports recently. DS2 will be on A-B honor roll again! And - drum roll please! - DS1 is not only passing, he's passing pretty darn well, thankyouverymuch! Has the corner finally been turned?! Wahoo!

___________________________________

My goober of a husband is floating through the house this week. He's finally getting to leave on at least part of his long awaited Blues & BBQ tour. This weekend, he and another brother from church are heading to KCMO for lots of fellowship, lots of music, and lots of RIBS! As I am typing, he started playing Fats Domino's "Going to Kansas City." Albone is SOOO jazzed (no pun intended!) about going! And I'm very excited for him - he needs this trip! He deserves this trip! He's finally going on this trip!
___________________________________

And my plans for the weekend? Hint: two words - a season and an unpleasant activity...guesses? Yep - spring cleaning! I'm sure my boys would appreciate prayers for rescue.

Tingly-feeling

Shhh! I'm listening in on my son's conversations as they're playing a video game - yes, TOGETHER! I know! I'm hoping they've forgotten I'm here. I can't remember when the last time was they played a game together, on the same 'team', and were so complimentary! I've heard so many 'good jobs!' and 'yessss!' and 'way to go!s' spoken to one another - it's almost like they were - *gasp* - FRIENDS!?! Usually I hear the hitting and sniping and insults and eventually the younger one throwing his controller, 'cuz he's not as good as the older one and then stomping upstairs in tears 'cuz he's mad. THIS is SOOO refreshing! Makes me all happy and glowy and tingly...

Hope it lasts...!

Creamed corn, anyone?

I've seen this on some other blogs I read, and thought it could be fun. (And, I needed to post something!)

List five weird things about yourself. Ready? Go.

To be honest, I had a hard time coming up with things that aren't simply pet peeves. But, here goes...

1. Milk MUST be ICE. COLD. No leaving it out on the table for the length of a meal for me! The less time it's out of the fridge, the happier I am. I have a real problem with spoiled milk - blech!

2. I pop my joints - fingers, wrists, elbows, etc. But I can't do just one side. I have to do both.

3. I hate it when people say EYE-talian. Enough said.

4. I can't lay on my back without bending my right leg. It reminds me of someone laying in a coffin, and ever since I was a child, that right leg has managed to bend. As a result, I had really good turnout on the right side for the ballet section of dance class. (Left side, not so much...)

5. I dislike the number four. Don't ask me why - I simply don't know.

So there ya have it. Me in a NUTshell - lol! What's weird about you?

A new creation

Today God has confirmed the end of your sufferings sorrows and pains because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you. He has taken away the hardships and given you JOY. He will never let you down.

I received this in an email message today. The sender's name isn't important, because the true sender was God. His hand has been on me all day today.

Allen and I have been trying to deal with 'stuff' from my past. It's not been easy, but he's been incredibly patient. But he's also been incredibly frustrated. Understandably so. Last night, he asked me if I truly believed I was a new creation in Christ or if it was just something I was paying lip service to. This question has been uppermost in my mind all day.

During some downtime today, I did a topical search on new creation. I was directed to the predictable verses about being a new creation, but I dug a little deeper, and was directed to different verses dealing with regeneration. Like this one I blogged about a while ago:

GOD, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart and your
children's hearts, freeing you to love GOD, your God, with your whole heart and soul and live, really live.

And this one:

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the
next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ jesus. Saving is all
his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do
it.

And a quote from a christian novel I'm reading (modified):

I know I don't have the power within myself to initiate or complete lasting
changes in my life. Only God can do that.

See what I mean? It's been like this ALL DAY. He's been challenging me: "Do you really accept that I will complete the good work I began in you? Do you believe I am committed to you?"

I'm starting to. I don't want this promise especially to be a minor part of some christian litany of promises. I want it to be real! I want so much to get rid of what has been causing me pain and fear and holding me back from what I really want. I WILL NOT let my past keep me in bondage any longer.

Elhoy Mikarov - God who is near, be near me now as I put my past behind me. Help me put it as far from me as you have put my sins from you. Be with Allen and me.

El Emet - God of truth, make your promises TRUTH to me. I want to hold unswervingly to your words.

Jehovah Shalom - Lord of peace, give me your peace and comfort. Give me courage and don't let me miss the love that my fear is hiding.

Jehovah Ropheka - Lord our healer, heal me. Heal my spirit, heal my mind. Free me.
Jehovah Shammah - Lord who is present, be real to me.

Amen

Sound the retreat!

I thought the retreat went really well considering all that the enemy tried to pull to get us down. The lesson was very good, and sparked lots of discussion, and the object lessons written were well-played! I have to agree with Jeanna that Sunday's testimonies were probably one of the high points for me. In the past, Sunday had become sort of anti-climactic - the lesson was over, one more thing before we pack and leave - but anymore, Sunday mornings at the retreat have been amazing! He has really been evident!

I was thrilled to have some rookies join us this year. And no, we didn't haze them too badly - lol!

I thought the entire weekend was very encouraging, and I can't wait to see the changes that will come from it!

Wait - I thought it was Tuesday - not Monday

Ever have one of those days...? Got up early, doin' the shower thing, everything's going great, Allen heads out to work - early (see? we're both doing well...!), get the kids up, pet the dog, pack for work - wait - back up - Tyler is in his room whining. *sigh* What's wrong? Headache & stomachache, and feels warm. I hear coughing - oh, good! It's not Tyler - um, er - it's Ryan - not good! Get them taken care of. Tyler goes back to bed, Ryan gets ready to head to school. I head out to work. THUMP thump thump thump...for the love - a flat tire?!!? NOT. COOL. Nurse the car back home. Call wonderful, sweet, beloved, heroic hubby at work. He comes home to change my tire - 'cuz he's AWESOME! Finds that my spare tire is also flat...

Anyway...I'm home with the sick ones (child and car) and I've got too much to do to be here. Our retreat is this weekend, and I've got shopping and packing and preparing to do. We leave Friday for a weekend of study, and prayer (and chocolate.) I'm really excited because we've got some rookies coming this year!

Tyler is feeling better. Temp's down and he's eating. Haven't checked the car. Gorgeous, forgiving, patient, handsome husband still loves me (whew)! Hopefully this evening will go better than this morning did...! LOL!

Dilemma

So I've been at this job almost a year now, and I'm really enjoying it. Butcept...

Today I got an email from the 'home' office here in town, asking me to complete a performance self-evaluation. Ugh. First of all, isn't that supposed to be the job of my supervisor? How did she get off so easily, huh? Not. Fair.

Secondly, this darn thing is asking me to evaluate what I do. Like, am I a good leader? Do I follow directions well? Am I organized?

There are a handful of ratings to apply to myself and my performance. So, do I go for the one that makes me the perfect employee, and yet everyone will know that the ratings are a complete sham because NO ONE is THAT good? Or do I go for the more truthful and humble ratings?

I know that I should 'sell' myself at this evaluation, but I really struggle with doing that. For instance, one of my co-workers asked me to print something for him for some binders he was constructing, and I printed what he needed and then I completed the binders for him. No big deal. It's my job, after all. I am in the position of serving the people around me at work. He was thrilled that I did this for him and promised to send a positive memo to my superiors. I thanked him, but told him it wasn't necessary - I'm doing my job.

I'm really having a hard time with puffing myself up, when that's not how I feel I should be. Any advice?

Raise your hands...

Allen asked me recently if I was ever going to blog again. I told him I wasn't sure. But, here I am again...

Today's message at church was very thought-provoking. Jarrod preached on the Israelites fighting the Amelekites, and how Aaron and Hur kept Moses' arms lifted for him when he couldn't do it himself. He talked about encouraging, and how these two men made things better for all of God's people by encouraging (or giving courage) to only one of God's people. The most moving part of the service was at the close of the message, when Jarrod asked us to get into groups of three, and have the person in the middle let their arms be held up by the other two while they prayed for the person in the middle. It was really amazing to see how many people were willing to get out of their little Sunday-church-this-is-my-pew-and-my-space-and-I-don't-need-to-interact-other-than-bland-generalities boxes, and let other people pray for them, touch them. Very inspiring. I've always considered myself somewhat encouraging, but it's made me really consider whether I am. I must admit that I definitely wasn't encouraging to my kids or my husband the rest of the day. Sorry, guys...

Regardless, thank you, Blogville, for encouraging me, and for lifting my arms when I couldn't.

Monday

I got a call this evening, telling me that someone, a lady from church, passed away suddenly this weekend. I was shocked. Granted, she had not been in the best of health, but I never expected this! She was disabled to some degree, and had other physical challenges.

I called a few sisters that I knew were close to her, to check if they were handling the news okay. I mentioned to one that I didn't know her well, and that I really didn't have the opportunity to get to know her. I then corrected myself - yes, there was the opportunity. The chance to serve a sister in need, the chance to take her to church or to the store, the chance to send her a note, the chance to call and check on her.

I think that may be the most tragic thing: evidently no one knows how long she'd been dead before she was found. It could have been anytime between Thursday and Monday morning. I remember noticing her absence at church Sunday, and I was hoping she was feeling alright. But I didn't call. She had just joined us on the women's ministry servant group, and was very excited about the events we have planned.

I just feel bad, you know? I mean, I know where she is now, but what were her last moments like? Had she taken a fall? She was unable to get back up if she had. Was she frightened? Was it sudden, like a stroke or heart attack? Was she in pain? Did she cry out for help?

Please pray for her family.

I'm HOW old again?!?!?

I really thought I wouldn't have a problem with my upcoming birthday - even though it's THE dreaded milestone one. And I don't think I will when it finally gets here. However, I AM having a problem with the idea that I have close friends old enough to be the mother of the bride. I spent a good number of years helping friends with their weddings: singing, decorating, even doing hair & make-up. But never helped their MOTHERS, if you know what I mean. I have a friend whose daughter got married at the end of December, and another one whose daughter will be married in May. When the heck did this development occur?! I don't feel old enough for this to have happened! I mean, did my mother's generation feel this way, too?! Too weird...

You know what they say: At your age, just go braless - it'll pull all the wrinkles out of your face...(just checking to see if anyone's still reading...lol!)

Sunday

Finally! Something halfway decent about the no-longer-going-to-be-a-stuporbowl - Go Indy!

Today was my last Sunday singing with the praise team for awhile. I really tried to put aside my personal feelings about the day and the songs and (fill in the blank)...and just worship. I'll just say that I'm glad I'm taking next month off.

I took Friday off - not feeling well - and I'm not looking forward to going back tomorrow. I can't shake this headache for very long at all. It comes and goes in waves, it seems. Ugh.

Plans seem to be coming together for the retreat. I'm so blessed to be working with a great bunch of women! And I'm learning to delegate...lol!

...and then reality set in...

So, yeah, Sunday was great. Monday, my coworker returned to work after two months, and I started feeling less confident about what I've been doing while she's been gone. Then Tuesday comes, and I blow it from the beginning of the day - lousy quiet time (my fault), so-so work day, practice (meh - again - my fault).

I hate it when Satan attacks so quickly! And so completely! In every area. Physically, spiritually, emotionally. Blech.

So, I'm home tonight, I'm about to put on my comfy flannel jammies, and watch AI - or something mindless, at least - just zoning out...if you need me, I'll be the lump under the blanket...

Sunday

Whew - busy day today! Sang this morning (felt much better, by the way!) and had my first women's ministry servant group meeting this afternoon. The meeting went really well, I thought. We got some preliminary planning done for the retreat, and some groundwork laid for events throughout the rest of the year. People seemed really open to each other, as well as to the ideas I had. I feel really good about the start we've made, and can't wait to see where God leads us next!

So, back to this morning...I'm waiting up front for services to begin, when I notice someone I recognize in the back of the auditorium - it's Allen's sister! Unprompted! Hallelujah! I was so excited she was there! She told me that her work schedule had changed and she was now able to start attending church - yay! She also told someone else that she would try to get one of her sisters to come next week. I slipped out during the message and called Allen to let him know - he was so excited! Hopefully, this will become a regular thing!

And now...I'm going to go stitch and enjoy the solitude, and satisfaction of a good day!

Unworthy

As I mentioned in my last post, I was considering taking a break from the praise team. Well, I've gone ahead and informed our worship leader (George, for those of you keeping score at home) that I'm taking a hiatus, at least for February.

I recently had a couple of very challenging conversations with some dear people. They called me higher in many areas, including my involvement in the praise team. I've heard two adjectives ascribed to me specifically, and they made quite an impact. I was told I looked bored, and that I am cynical. Guilty on both counts. On the way home tonight, I simply couldn't justify remaining on the PT until I get my head and heart together. I mean, is this how someone who is to be 'leading' worship should be described?!

I had expressed some of my concerns before this evening with another friend. I asked him how I was supposed to lead someone to worship when I hadn't approached the throne room myself. He offered that I could look at it two ways: one - that I shouldn't be 'leading'; or two - that I would make a better leader because I was seeking. Okay. But in which camp am I to pitch my tent?

One of my problems, in my opinion, is that I can't just flip a switch and be ready to worship. I need to take the time to truly prepare. Unfortunately, by the time I'm done with sound check and practice Sunday morning, I'm so focused on the technical aspects of singing that I forget why I'm there. It's the head stuff and not the heart stuff.

I've started tuning out on the drive into work these days - just being quiet in the car and talking to God. I've adopted a phrase that our youth pastor incorporates into his prayer during his sermon. He says something like "whether anyone else knows it God, You and I know that I am nothing without You." I really like that. And it's so true. I was praying that this morning, and it hit me that, yes, I am nothing. But to Him, I'm everything. Even if it saved only me, He would have still gone through it all. WHY can't I get through the 'stuff' and sing about THAT?! Or focus on the many blessings He's given me?! Or the fact that the Spirit is living in me?! Or...

I went back and read my blogs from right after Zoe. Whew - don't know where that person went off to! And the really bad thing is that I miss that person - I miss the progess I was making, the things I was feeling, the things He was showing me.

I know this is kind of rambling, and I apologize. It's late, and I've been wrestling with this stuff for awhile now.

Today I am thankful for friends willing to tell me the truth.

...and I'm back

So, yeah, that whole internet thing - not working so much at our house for the last month - ugh.

Recap: (for the two people who care...lol!)
Christmas was good - I think everyone got what they wanted, or at least something they wanted.
I have decided to take on the women's ministry. The former leader passed the 'baton' to me today - a plastic bag of files dating back to 1998 - ack! I think I might be in over my head...
I may be taking a break from the praise team. Not sure yet.
Work is still going well - I actually have received some praise from co-workers - which is always nice, right?
My coworker/mentor is still out - she's been out since before Thanksgiving - but I think I'm handling the 500 or so people on my floor pretty well!

I do have some things I have been mulling over - I will try to get some semblance of order to my thoughts and get something worthwhile posted here very soon. Tonight I just wanted to send up a flare to let people know I haven't fallen off the face of the planet...

Have a good week!!