Monday Ramblings...

On the way to church yesterday, I was listening to this song I've mentioned previously that I really want to use for our retreat. My elder son asked me the meaning of the song. So I explained the story, and explained the song to him. Evidently I did a pretty good job, because he told me he understood it. I figure if I can explain it to a ten year old...

I went to my hometown this weekend. I used to be involved in a girl's organization - actually, all of my aunts and my mom were also involved in this organization, and they were having a special visit by the state leaders. My grandfather was there, and he's pretty stoic. I went up and gave him a hug, and he was glad to see me, but it was like he had seen me that morning, instead of 2 years ago! Not exactly the rewarding reunion I was looking for...

So I found my aunt, and went up behind her and touched her on the shoulder. She turned, saw me, threw her arms around me and started crying. "Oh, I'm so glad you're here! I've missed you!" Now THAT made the drive worthwhile...!

My DH still is leery about this group, and is glad we have boys! Too funny! I have to admit, when I show up for one of these meetings, I get all nostalgic and want to get involved again. I feel like I was at a high point when I was in this group. It gave me self confidence and leadership skills, not to mention fun and friends! My aunt will be the state leader in three years, and I'm half hoping she'll ask me to help her in some way - other than cross stitching pin guards...! I know DH would not be thrilled, but I warned him when she got elected that it might happen. It would take up a year's worth of weekends for traveling state wide...so I don't think I'll be able to swing that.

New horizons...?

God is just so amazing! I got an email a couple of days ago from a friend who said there may be an opening where she works, and wanted to know if I'd be interested. Well, duh! She's well aware of my current work/prison. I discussed it with DH, and while he wasn't as enthused as I thought he would be, he was supportive nonetheless. He commented on how blessed he was to have his job - not only to have a good job with decent pay considering he didn't attend college, but that he felt his job made a difference to others. It a necessary position, and he feels good when he's done his job.

On the other hand, I have no great feelings about helping people in my job. I don't usually have the opportunity to 'help' people. Unfortunately, my job is also necessary, but I don't necessarily feel 'good' about it.

This new position would be directly and literally helping people. While I'm sure it would have some uncomfortable moments, I also know I would feel fulfilled and, yes, even proud of a good day's work. Something I don't know that I've ever felt here.

Praise

I've been studying our theme story for the retreat and listening to a particular song related to that story for the last couple of days. This morning, one line of the song really struck home with me. How much does my praise cost me? What do I give up? How can I give more? How much does it cost you?

On the plus side...

I called her. And it went well. Which is good. I feel pretty good about it. It was mostly chit chat - nothing too deep or intense - which I don't know that I could have handled this close to lunchtime - but it was positive.

Now - on to bigger and better things...!

Lord, thank You for her heart and the healing that is beginning here. Please continue to work on her and on me.

It's only Tuesday?!?

I returned from lunch today to a message that my former friend had called. And I will confess that I was (am) less than thrilled. She had written me a while ago telling me that she felt she needed time to let her know what God wanted her to do. Fine. Maybe it's my current mood, or my current stage of life, or my current ___insert term___, but I don't feel like dealing with this again. I did what I know in my heart was right and I feel it was with God's blessing and instruction, and I'm finished with it. I wonder if it was my recent conversation with the third leg of this twisted little triangle that prompted her to call.

So. How many Mondays should I be expecting this week?!?

Speechless

The women's ministry servant group met yesterday to start planning the retreat. I truly believe God was there with us at Chevy's yesterday, helping us plan, inspiring us, laughing with us. We have a theme, a program, a menu, etc - which is more than when we started!

We decided on a 'speechless' theme, incorporating a time of silent study and contemplation during the weekend - which I'm really looking forward to having! So I got home yesterday, and started working on some devotional thoughts ("Deep Thoughts") and started planning some music, when I realized it was too quiet to work! I needed noise! Oh, how I really need this retreat!!!

I spoke to the third party in my friend adventure. I tried to be humble and asked for forgiveness. She assured me she had nothing against me whatsoever, and I didn't need to be apologizing. So, things are better on that front!

blah-g

Not really much happenin' here. Waitin' for the snow...waitin' to pick up the kiddos...waitin' to go home...just waitin'

Felt a little useful today. Worked on the handouts for the valentine's dinner. Hopefully encouraged a friend with some concerns - luv ya Jenn! Actually did some work (I figured as long as I was here...what the heck!)

AND...the boss brought in cookies...

So far not a bad day...

A,B,C,1,2,3

I'm getting the itch to organize something. This happens every once in a while. I get an overwhelming urge to make lists, and put things together - it's really annoying. We're having guests to dinner Saturday so I could make a grocery list, or a list of things I need to do around the house. My DH wants to do another Valentine's dinner at church (heads up, ladies!) so I could start helping with that. Then there's the retreat. I could start listing songs, or icebreakers, or...I'm even wanting to start a new cross-stitch project - you know, list the fabric, and all the floss I need. Holidays - sure! Why not? Get a really early start.

...fighting urge...to alphabetize...spice rack...aarrrgh!

Doggone it

Well, our beloved Wrigley got loose this morning. And lemme tell ya - he's a fast little buggar! Somehow he broke his tie-out and was wandering around the neighborhood. Not good! Our block is surrounded by some pretty busy streets. DH was very philosophical in his anger: "He'll come back. And when he does..." Well, I'm not so sure - he's not been around our home too terribly long, and his breed just follows their noses until they run into an obstacle, look around, and then realize their miles from home. I talked to my DH a little while ago, and Wrigley's back home, but in his crate in disgrace.

I know there's a lesson here - about listening to the Master's call to come home, etc., but I'll let you figure it out. I'm just glad he's home.

Sounding Retreat

The Lord has really put on my heart that I need to talk to the sister whom I believe was talking to my former friend. Especially since we serve on a committee together and have some heavy duty planning coming up for the ladies' retreat. I guess I've decided to go, and if they'll have me, I'll lead worship. I've also been getting icebreaker ideas, and ideas to implement things I wanted to do last year, but ran out of time!

I have this vision of how this conversation will go, and can only pray that it will go as well as I imagine it. I hate being at odds with anyone, and this has really been bothering me lately. So, I'm hoping to grab her for a private talk sometime before our planning meeting next week.

Now that I've decided to go, I'm really getting excited about the retreat. We've been going to a lodge a couple of hours from our home town, and we have really great facilities there. They have a seperate building with a greatroom and hotel rooms, a kitchenette, fireplace - everything we could need (except the jacuzzi - which is at the main building!) The windows of the greatroom look out over a beautiful lake. It's well worth the drive! My DH, in particular, doesn't understand why we need to go so far away for our retreats. Ha! The men go out to a local lake and camp. I don't think so - I'm not really a canvassy-buggy-forage for my own food kinda gal! Gimme access to a pool and room service and I'm set!

Lord, please work on my heart and help me be truly humble when I talk to my sister. And I pray she is forgiving and understanding. Bless our efforts for the retreat, and let it be a great time of drawing close to You.

...words...

"...if the people around you aren't disciples, it means you ain't Jesus..."

I shared this statement (slightly paraphrased) with my husband, and we had two completely different takes on it. His thinking was that it meant simply that you and I aren't Jesus. Having read it in context, my understanding was that it was a bit more convicting: you aren't showing others Jesus through you. Words...

Please keep the Cope family and the families of the others affected by the wreck this weekend in your prayers...

The good news: my basement is clean!

I feel so disconnected - I was away from my computer all day yesterday. Well, I was offline all day. Actually, I was in pretty close physical proximity to the machine, but only because I was slogging through all the water in the basement to rip up the carpet in the office. That's right - the basement was soaked! We had anywhere from 1/2 - 1 inch throughout the basement. (Who knew our basement wasn't exactly level?) So, I made a panicked call to work telling them I'd be in if we got things taken care of before the work day was over. Please stop laughing at me now. I had no idea it would take as long as it did. Call me Pollyanna...

Looks like we mainly lost the carpet in the office and in my DH's cave. He's lost a photo background, but it wasn't in the best shape anyway. We're waiting to see how the other one dries. He also lost all the furniture he made for the cave, but he's not concerned too much about that. Bless his heart, he had such a great attitude about the situation yesterday!

I'm reading a book entitled Bad Ground by W Dale Cramer, and wanted to share a bit of a sermon one of his characters was giving:

He talked softly about how God's voice sent brilliant whiteness firing out of a blackness that had no prior knowledge of light, how He hung the sun and moon with a whisper, painted crimson sunsets and ice-blue oceans, wrought rivers of silver fishes and endless rippling fields of grass, hurricanes and butterflies and elephants and snow, all with nothing more than the sound of His voice.
"In the beginning, He was God the Wordsmith," the speaker said, "and He saw that it was good. But then He came to man. And when He decided to make a man, He did not speak him into being. He picked up a handful of dirt instead."
"He blew into the dirt...and there was a living, breathing man. The first one. It was the first time God ever got His hands dirty, the first time He started with something instead of nothing, and the first time He ever breathed His own life into something like that. It was then, when He made man, that He stopped being God the Wordsmith, and He became God the Father."
"If there is anger in you," he said, "if there is selfishness and lust and strife, that is the voice of the dust. But if there is love and joy and peace, that is the breath of God."


Have a good (dry) day! Blugs!

*Insert Title Here*

As I stated in an earlier blog, I am really enjoying 'The Message.' But I have to admit I have yet to find a translation that really gets my hyped about reading Numbers. I am really REALLY tempted to skip through it. If anyone has any suggestions on that little tidbit, please pass them along...

DH and I watched 'The Village' last night. And I will admit to being quite jumpy early in the movie! But it was pretty good. No deep theological or philosophical thoughts - just a pretty good movie with a happy (for me in terms of the fear thing) resolution. Little disappointed in the 'extra features' on the DVD. I was really hoping for a more in-depth explanation of the symbolism Shymalan (sp?) used, etc. Oh, well. It caused some very weird dreams last night - making sure all the shades were pulled and doors were locked - and there was that really weird part where some friend was dating the late, great (IMHO) Jerry Orbach. Yeah.

I'm reconsidering the women's retreat - now that I know one is possible this year. I think I'd like to go, and am really torn about leading worship. I am getting 'the bug' to do it, but it could be a 'control' issue for me. I'll listen to the Lord's leading.

Thanks!

Bless and thank you all for the prayers! I truly felt covered, and surrounded by your concern and love. I'm MUCH better today. There has been some resolution in the situation, and while there's still much work to do, it's a whole lot better than yesterday!

Lord, thank You for this quirky little family of bloggers with which You have blessed me! Thank You for Your unifying love that draws us together. Show me how I may help others today. Open my eyes and let me see others as You see them.

sorry

I hate that I wear my feelings on my sleeve. If something is wrong, everybody knows. If something is good, everbody knows. I wish that I had the ability to just put on a happy face no matter what the circumstances, and deal with things on the inside. I feel like I'm a sponge when I feel badly, and I want to be more outward focused. But right now, I'm on the verge of tears, and my stomach is in knots, and everybody can tell something is wrong.

Please keep me in your prayers.

...anybody out there...?

Just a quick entry today. Slow day at work, so I visited all my favorite blogs, and my favorite comics, and my favorite new sources, and my favorite blogs again, and my favorite forums, and my favorite blogs yet again, and...still got my work done with LOTS of time to spare.

So. I went back to my first favorite blog and hit that little button up in the right corner that says 'next blog.' Interesting blogs out there. I found quite a few blogs that were brand spankin' new, some that were very dark and disturbing, some that were very junior high-ish - what a riot! And I found some that were about God and the wonderful things He's doing in people's lives. Hallelujah - bright spots in the vast reaches of internet-dom!

"Icy stares on icy stairs"

Sorry - couldn't resist the title! I haven't actually noticed any icy stares on icy stairs since I wrote that line in college - one of my obligatory young adult - angst-ridden poems! (Who didn't write those?!) The weather outside is truly frightful this morning! Lots of ice, black and otherwise on the pavement, cars, etc. Little hairy getting into work this morning! Shoot, I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it down my front steps!

I started on Exodus last night - fastest trip through Genesis I think I've ever had! And I come to the passage where God hears the groaning of the Israelites in Egypt. The Message translation really jumped out at me: "God listened to their groanings. God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw what was going on with Israel. God understood." (italics mine) I froze. I so absolutely needed that reaffirmed to me. God understands. He understands that I'm not perfect. He understands that there are days when I don't even want to be perfect! He understands that there are also days when I kill myself to be perfect, and fail. Again. He understands that I need Him more than anything else. And He's okay with that.

The good in the bad

I received a copy of The Message for Christmas this year, and I've really enjoyed reading it. Not the best for studying necessarily, but great for just reading. In an effort to refresh my study times, I'm going to try to do more lectio divina. So I've been reading Genesis (great place to start, eh?) and it's been much easier going than in my NIV.

In my pondering and reading, I've been thinking about Jacob working for so long for Rachel and his 'escape' from his father in law. Every time his father in law tried to change Jacob's wages, or his working conditions, God was always faithful and made good things happen out of the bad that was attempted. God brought this story to mind today when my boss handed down a decision to change my work today, and, I have to admit, my hackles got raised. So, I will keep my eyes open for the good that God will bring from this situation.

Happy Monday!

Well, my friend pulled it off and surprised his wife New Year's Eve! I don't know how he did it, but he did! They eloped when they got married, so having her parents here on New Year's was such a treat for her. Her hubby also got her a wedding ring set - which she had not had the first time. She was overwhelmed!

I got to sing yesterday, which was great - I really enjoy singing with the praise team. But I really struggled with being outwardly focused. The person whom I believe has been telling my former friend (which I've blogged about before) was sitting very close to the front. Not singing. Not really participating. Now, to be fair, I have never really noticed if this person ordinarily is more involved in worship. I just felt like I was being watched. I don't know. I was just very uncomfortable. Because of this, I've really been debating on going on the women's retreat (provided we have one this year - I haven't heard anything.) I mean, holed up all weekend with this situation...but then again, it may be the perfect time and place for resolution. I dunno. If I do decide to go on the retreat, I don't think I'll lead worship this year. I feel the need to be in the background this time around...

Lord, quiet my soul. Give me peace and guidance.