Invisibility

When I was younger, I often thought myself invisible. I would watch people around me, and was actually startled when I was acknowledged. Kind of like watching people from behind mirrored sunglasses, but realizing you're wearing regular glasses. I'm constantly surprised when someone from high school actually remembers me. You know, I wasn't part of the 'A' group, nor the 'B' group...forensic psychologists would probably refer to me as a 'loner.' :)

My high school graduating class now has a website to catch up with people, and plan reunions, etc. It's been interesting to watch the activity (or lack thereof) on the site. It seems as if people want to be included, but not communicate with one another.

Thankfully, God can see me. He watched me grow up. He watched over me during the tough times. Even though I didn't know, He was there during the dark and ugly times, caring for me, loving me, cheering me on down the path He had chosen for me. He thought of me when He created the world. He pictured my face when He lit the stars. He remembered me when He fed the crowds. He prayed for me in the garden. He loved me - ME - on the cross. I am beloved. I am carved on His hands. He thinks I am worth His sacrifice.

It's just basic Christianity, but sometimes I just need to remind myself.

Love You, Jesus.

Home Sweet Home

Well, for those of you that were at the draft last night, you'll be happy to know that I still have somewhere to live! He was pleased with the choices I made for the most part, but be advised - trading will occur! :)

He and the kids had a great time yesterday! He told me, and them, how proud he was of their behavior. He said they were such troopers! They didn't complain about the wait, or no autographs, or the score, or the weather - but had a great time just being at the game!

And now, the workweek begins again. This is also the first week of the Holiday Grand Plan. So, I'm starting on Christmas stuff. (Don't hate me!) I feel the need to be more organized in my life, and what I've started doing has truly made a difference at home.

Anyway, this is definitely a creamed corn kinda day for me, so I'll leave you with a quote I saw: Mary could have said, "I can't! It will interfere with my wedding plans."

Lord, thank You for the good times and great memories my 'men' will have from this weekend. Bless them as they go about their day today. Be with me, and help me to let my light shine for You.

Like a tide our work should rise,

Each later wave the best;

Today is a king in disguise,

Today is the special test.

-John Boyle O'Reilly

Lord, help me be aware of the glory of this very special day. Let me love as You love, give as You give. Allow me to see this day as You do - full of opportunity, precious and fleeting. Help me to see those You have created in Your image as You see them.

Mud Sharks

Thanks for the comments yesterday. Karrie, yes she is a believer, which makes it even harder. Skip, thanks for the reminder.

Today was the first full day of school, and I watched this crazy person screaming at my children to do something or other - then I realized I was the crazy person. Welcome back to school, kids! Anyway, I apologized and we restarted the morning. Now, if I can just remember to pick them up after school...

I've been thinking about 'taking the high road' and what that actually entails. I feel extra pressure to do it at work, so I can be that proverbial beacon of light, especially in my kind of smarmy line of work. Sometimes, though, it's just easier to wallow with the mud sharks, know what I mean? I know all the reasons for staying up on that higher pathway, but sometimes, like today obviously, it's a lot less effort down there. I will keep going on that high road, and I will fight the mud shark urges. I know the reward will be worth it. (Sometimes I just need to remind myself!)

Lord, keep my head up and my eyes focused on You. You are my strength, my courage, my best friend. Thank You.

Toughie

I've been struggling with posting about this since, well, probably since blogging was invented! Okay, maybe not that long. But, it's a difficult situation for me, and I crave input, support, chocolate, whatever I can get.

I have this friend...no really! Anyway, she was a friend until I challenged her on something - which she asked me to do whenever necessary - and now she's shut me out completely. I've tried to reach out to her a couple of times, admittedly not necessarily very enthusiastically, but I did try. I have been pretty obviously rebuffed each time. I have also been made aware of gossip coming to light about me from her.

My struggle is this: how much more should I try? I've considered dropping her a note letting her know that I would be here when she's ready to resume our friendship, but then my dander gets up, and I think 'I've made an effort - her turn!'

I realize that I haven't always been a good friend to her, and I'm not trying to convince myself that I don't have any fault here. But how can I make amends if she won't play too? How long should I leave my gift at the altar?

Ancient words

I found these 'ancient words' at a time when I needed them and thought I would share them...

Be Thou my wisdom, Thou my true word;

I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord.

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for the fight,

Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight.

Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower;

Raise Thou me heavenward, power of my power.

Anonymous (Eighth century)

Granted, a little awkward for today's vernacular (and a certain praise team leader I happen to know) but the desperate yearning and acknowledgment behind the words! Yes, Lord!

Grrr

Forgive me - I'm feeling a little testy today. My darling children took it upon themselves yesterday to invite our new-ish neighbor and her family to dinner. Tonight. Great. And I couldn't exactly un-invite her, since she'd already accepted. So. I told my kids that since THEY invited her, THEY could finish cleaning the house! So there! Actually, since I've been doing organized home and flylady my house isn't too bad. Not exactly how I'd like it for a first-time guest, but there ya go.

So, I get to work, and our part-timer won't be here today. Which means I pick up the slack. And then one of the 'boys' at work takes it upon himself to correct some of my work - which really makes my day.

I apologize - I didn't mean for this to be a big venting session. I'll uninvite myself from the pity party...

On a good note, I managed to clean out the laundry/storage room this weekend. Woohoo! As well as put together my household notebook AND get my Christmas notebook organized! I have even started my grocery list for my holiday baking!

Lord, help me make the most of this opportunity with my neighbor. Help us to show her and her family the utmost in hospitality. Shine through us so she can see You above all. Change my heart, Lord. Soften my mean spirit. Help me to be humble enough to accept well-meant correction. Refresh my spirit. Give my husband peace and calm as he prepares our meal tonight as well as all the other things he needs to get done today. Thank You for my children and their confidence in us that we can open our home at any moment. Let them never lose that, but give them a better sense of permission-seeking...

The wonder of it all...

I often try to impress on my kids how much God loves us. And not just because He sent His Son. But also because of the little things He does for us. Take sunsets or sunrises. He didn't have to make them so beautiful. He could have just made it instantly dark. But He knew that the sunsets and sunrises would inspire us, and give us joy, and make us want to seek the Creator of such beauty.

Or take fog. The other day, it was beautifully foggy when I left for work. There is such a stillness in fog. Such peace and quiet. It's enveloping. Comforting, almost, like a big blanket.

I wonder if sometimes God doesn't let us discover things just for His amusement. Like the science of aerodynamics. 'This is how something flies. This is the only way.' Then, watching us full of ourselves with this knowledge, He sends us the lowly bumblebee. According to our vast knowledge of how things fly, it is impossible for the bumblebee to flit from flower to flower as it does. And yet...

Father, thank You for letting us discover the joys of Your creation. Thank You for loving us enough to make this place so beautiful. Help us to remember that.

I was going to write about the wonderful things God does to surprise us - things that He does for no other apparent reason than to bring us joy. But, I learned some news this morning that has me - I don't know - upset - sad - questioning. I guess this news also fits in with the idea of God suprising us, and hopefully at some point, it will be wonderful, but right now, I'm not so sure. Some friends recently had a baby, and just found out he has Downs syndrome. I know they are hurting and confused and concerned. Please be praying for them and their family.

Lord, bless and comfort Gary & Sandy. Strengthen them as they come to terms with Tanner's health. We lift them up to You. Cover them with Your wings. I know they have such a strong faith - help them turn to You. Guide us as their church family to anticipate their needs and to be there for them. You know the reason for this - help us to understand...

Happy Birthday!

Today is my elder's tenth birthday. And I'm at work. And he's very disappointed that I'm here. I'm not sure what he was expecting from today, but I have the feeling he's going to be disappointed regardless. Perhaps a day filled with balloons and confetti and being adored by his many fans. Sorry, dear! We did the party thing on Saturday - with a very nice gift (ballgame tickets for later in the month) and all the celebrating we could take! DH got him something to open today, but I think he was expecting to take a day trip or something today. I was on vacation when my younger's birthday rolled around, so we took them to a really neat place.

I just talked to him on the phone, and he's still guilting me into coming home. (He's good, too!) But I think we're taking him out for dinner tonight, so hopefully he'll be alright with that.

Sheesh! I sound as whiny as he did this morning! I don't mean to - I'm torn between responsibilities. I want to be home with him today, but need to be here. Sorry!

Thank You, Father, for giving me my kids. Help me to encourage them to seek You. Remind me that they are Yours.

Outside the comfort zone

Well, it must be that time of year again...I've started brainstorming about our annual Ladies' Craft Auction and our women's retreat in late winter. I know our theme is strong women, and I've come up with some decor ideas for the craft auction, but, I don't know. I also need to find some new music for the retreat and get started with practices, but I'm just not feeling it, if you catch my drift. Maybe I'm just too tired to think about it right now.

Lately, my DH and I have been building friendships outside of our church. You have to understand that this is a HUGE deal for me. I'm very introverted, and the very idea of beginning these friendships is completely overwhelming to me. I haven't had friends that don't go to my church in more than twenty years! Outreach has never really been one of my gifts. I am more comfortable behind the scenes, making things easier, hopefully, for those who excel in that whole outreach aspect. (And yes, I realize we're all called to share the gospel and share our lives...it's just a personal hangup I have that I'm trying to work through...)

It feels completely different than meeting someone new at church. People one meets at church at least have one of the big commonalities established immediately, whereas with people outside the church - well, it's a lot slower going in my humble opinion. Don't get me wrong! I love these people, and I'm very excited about getting to know them. It's just that those 'boundaries' for lack of a better term aren't so clearly defined.

Lord, inspire me. Guide me. Pour Your Spirit over me. Make me braver than I ever thought I could be. Help us to truly reach these new friends for You. Make us salt and light, and may they see You in our lives.

Memories

Well, the last birthday party of the summer is over... We start in May, and have significant dates or birthdays until September. Does it make me a bad parent to say that I'm glad we're done for another year?!

I spoke with my grandmother yesterday. She's not doing so well. Her health has been declining a bit, and I'm beginning to get a little concerned about her. She told me she found some slides the other day, but didn't know what they were, exactly. So she dug out the old viewer and found a picture of all of her kids together with my mom's boyfriend (my dad) before they were married. She said it was evidently after her husband had died, because he wouldn't let my mom see my dad. (Thanks for telling me that little piece of family history!) Anyway, she also found a picture of my grandfather and her two sons. My grandfather died before my mom and dad were married as I've said, and one of my uncles died about 15 years ago. The remaining son has always kind of been the rebel in the family - moved out west, riding Harleys, growing more hair than the rest of the family combined... Anyway, she said she was really down looking at that picture, and asked me if I realized it's been 40 years since my grandfather died. There was a soft catch in her voice which she tried to hide. She called herself silly, and went on with chatty news. But I sat there and thought forty years! She's been married and widowed twice since then. But he is her first love. They married when she was only 15 years old. She bore him five children, three of whom are still living. I can't imagine the grief still being this strong after all this time, and all she's been through.

Lord, please watch over my grandmother. Keep her strong and safe and healthy. Bless her and encourage her during this difficult season.

Da Rules

I was trying to explain what I thought was a simple procedure to my kids the other day. I went through it step by step. Do step A, then step B, then step C, finally, step D. Very simple.

What chaos ensued! Okay, well maybe not quite that bad, but there were difficulties nonetheless. In my mind, this was easy. They kept reciting the steps, mixing them up, straightening them out...finally I told them that this was not 'rocket surgery' and they should just do it. They were so concerned about making sure they did it right, that they lost the intent behind the actions. Hmmm...I think there's a lesson here somewhere...something about the whole law being summed up in something or other...

Lord, please help me to remember it's not the steps of the process, but the intent and heart behind them that matter. Help me to be focused on living how You want me to live, and not just checking off items on a list.

What was the question again...?

We have really great kids. They are usually no trouble at all. Very spiritually minded. Sweet spirited. Of course, they are also human, and can work my last nerve sometimes, as I know I do to them occasionally.

We have been trying to teach them that it only matters what God thinks of them. As long as they are living to please Him, it's not important what their 'friends' think. Then came the reputation issue, and how important it is to have a good reputation.

'What's a reputation?'

'Well, that's what people think...of...you...um...'

'But didn't you say...'

'Uh...Oh look at the pretty horses!'

Any ideas, fellow bloggers?

Lord, watch over my children as they learn their place in this world. Keep them pure and innocent, and seeking after You. Help us to remember they are on loan to us from You and to take care of them the way You would. Thank you for their lives and the joys they bring.

Rip Van Winkle

I watched a TV show last night that was fascinating. It was about a man who was in a car wreck when he was 19 years old. He went into a coma and then a vegetative state for the next 19 years. He 'woke up' in 2003. Could you imagine waking up to find that you're nearly 40?! (Somtimes that's not too far off the mark!) His infant daughter is now taking care of him. He still thinks she's a baby. For him, Ronald Reagan is president. He has little or no concept of what a cell phone is, or a notebook computer. Unfortunately, his brain damage has caused him to only remember 1984 or before. His family tells him things, but his brain doesn't retain them.

I look back on the last twenty years of my life, and think about what I would have missed. High school. College. Friends. My husband. My children. A car or two that I wouldn't mind forgetting...I can look back and see God's hand guiding me to my studying and being baptized. I know He would have found a different way to reach me had I not 'been there' when I was, but I can't see how. He placed the right people in my life, and placed me in the right circumstances.

Lord, thank You for Your perfect plan. I can hardly fathom the care You took to reach me. The feats of engineering...! Thank You for wanting me to be with You so badly!

Secret Identity

I have a bad habit of not signing emails. I guess I just assume that since I know who I am, well, so should you...;) Actually, I usually forget to sign them. Yesterday, I left a message for one of my friends on her cell phone, and after I had hung up, I realized I hadn't told her who I was. That got me thinking. In my job, I have to be very careful to leave all the pertinent information clearly and succinctly in order for the person I'm calling not to have an excuse not to call back. Then I got to thinking about how we don't have to do that with God. Not only does He know us, but He knows what we need, when we need it. All we have to do is ask. He knows me on my good days, when I'm happy and praising and reaching out to others. He knows me on my bad days, when I want to stay in bed with the covers over my head, or when I'm thinking not-to-pleasant thoughts about the slow driver in front of me. I don't have to give Him my name, or address, lattitude and longitude. He knows. I don't have to show any identification. I don't have to give a password or a secret handshake. He knows me.

Thank You, Lord, for knowing me, and loving me anyway. For making being known so simple.

Whew...

I didn't think I'd be able to post today! I have had a lot of trouble getting in to post the last couple of days. Felt like I was going through airport security...!

Anyway, as a result, this will probably be quite disorganized, as I was not expecting to post...

Had a great lesson with my voice coach last night. I originally started to go to her to get guidance for the music we sing at church and to improve my a capella technique. But she firmly believes that I can, and should, do torch songs and show tunes. Interesting... I've always enjoyed music from the 30's, 40's and 50's, but had forgotten, until she reminded me. So, I've been scouring her books and the 'net, looking for those old songs - Irving Berlin, Cole Porter, the Gershwins...loving it!

School going to start soon, and both kids are excited about it! Hallelujah! For my part, I'm pretty proud of myself. The school supplies are bought (even extras!), their routines are started, clothes are almost ready to go. Not bad!

Thank You, Lord, for my husband and kids. Help me to show them how much they mean to me.
Thank You for the gift of music. Let me use it to Your glory.
Praise the Lord, all you nations; extol him, all you peoples. For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord.

'Chase me...'

Many years ago, I was in a women's Bible study group which was led by a wonderfully spiritual woman. I was relatively new in my walk, so I was enjoying sharing this time with my sisters. Well, the leader said something one night that has stuck with me for a long time. She shared that she had been pouring out her soul in prayer, asking God how she could get closer to Him, to know Him better. She said she 'heard' someone say "Chase me." She assured us she was not prone to auditory hallucinations! She said she was somewhat taken aback at the idea of chasing God, because, after all, look at how much she had already done trying to reach other people for the Lord, teaching classes, serving the body. And then she realized she was doing works - with the right intention and heart - but it wasn't necessarily enriching her relationship with God.

How many times can I recount all the things I've done for God? What an ego!! As if He needed my help...

Lord, forgive my lack of humility. Help me to draw closer to You, and not try to impress You with what I've done. Thank You for Your great patience, and for loving me even when I'm stubborn. You lead, Lord, and I'll chase You...

New and improved...?

Welcome to my new blog!

We heard a great sermon yesterday, from I Peter 3:8ff. It was very timely, because my husband and I (especially him) had been struggling with a situation in his family. When does the line get crossed between helping someone and getting taken advantage of? Is it that third mile? When they ask for everything - not just the cloak?

I think the most encouraging thing was when he told me he really had taken the time to consider his actions, and whether he felt he had done what God had asked.

Lord, help us to be in Your will. Let us be as generous with our time and talent and abilities as you have been to us. I don't want to be selfish, but want to reflect You.