Sunday

I have never - NEVER - seen bravery and humility and love and Jesus like I did today. In the midst of the pain, He began healing. In the midst of anger, He brought love. This has been a really hard time, but I pray this is the beginning of reconciliation and healing. Please continue to be on your knees for our church family and individuals.

Thank You Lord! Please continue to cover them and protect them!!!

Desperately in need of prayer covering!

Blog family, I covet your prayers for a situation here. Please pray for restoration, reconciliation, forgiveness, healing and strength. I don't want to get into the reasons for the need for you to be on your knees - that's not my place. Just, please - PLEASE - be praying for our church family.

Lord, sometimes it's hard to find You. I don't understand why these things happen. I'm sick at heart. I just wish things were right. Lord, be with us as a church. Be with us as individuals. If understanding can't be given to us, then let us at least draw together.

Back for a quick question

Do you believe anticipation is worse than the actual unpleasant event? I mean, if you have to do something or experience something decidedly un-fun, is waiting for that time worse than actually doing/experiencing it? Granted, execution is probably an exception to this hypothetical-osity-ness...

Just wonderin'...

Thursday

Thursday again. I feel like I'm just now getting caught up at work. Ugh. I just keep plugging away...

Don't hate me, but I've started working on Christmas gifts. Only about 200 days until Christmas for those of you who are counting...!

Oops - gotta go - boss just walked in...Buh bye! Have a good day!

Back to the salt mines...

Well, last week was great! Vacations are usually terrific, and though we didn't do anything 'special' or anything, I know I had a great time! Monday, of course, was the cookout/surprise birthday party thing; Tuesday - well, to be honest, we recovered! Wednesday I took the kiddos to see Star Wars; Thursday we went to Peoria; Friday - off to Chicago for the day. Saturday I went to see family, while DH and the kids went bowling and then over to see his family in the evening. And Sunday, we recovered - again!

Then today - work - ugh. I really tried to have a good attitude about coming in today. And I think I succeeded. (Getting the brain started again this morning was a little tough, but I did it!) But all the stuff piled up is really starting to get to me. So, I decided to go into denial and blog a bit.

I admit that I did miss my work computer last week! I have all my daily blog reading available at the click of my mouse, instead of having to type the addresses in one at a time. I guess I never realized how many blogs I actually read in a day. Sheesh! So, while I didn't do much writing or commenting last week, I did read!

Take it easy, folks - I know I am! lol!

I got 'got'!

Well, I definitely was had! We had planned a cookout for Memorial Day and invited some of our favorite people for ribs, chicken, potato salad, banana pudding - the works! And we made it through Monday morning with all the requisite preparation - cooking, cleaning, etc. The first guests arrived and meat came off the grill, and I was busy in the house trying to keep up with the demand (the food was awesome - thanks everyone!) DH called me outside and proceeds to inform me that this was actually a surprise birthday party for me! What a sweetie!! This is the second surprise party he's been able to pull on me - and this time the kiddos actually kept it from me! I don't whether to be proud of them or concerned...lol! It was a wonderful time, and I had a ball!

Thank you honey, for all your hard work - and thank you friends for coming!

Thursday

So why do people make such a big deal about birthdays? I mean, it's just another trip of the earth around the sun, another batch of seasons, another 365 days! 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes, 31,536,000 seconds. Bam! There goes another one! It's another 52 weeks of experience, of life. Another year of growth, hopefully spiritual growth. Why are we so hung up on numbers in our society? Weight, age, IQ points - all are quantitative measurements. What about the quality of the living? What about the joys experienced, the sorrows endured, the love shared, the friendship enjoyed? What about the beauty of a sunrise, the glory of a sunset? The innocence of a child's smile, the wisdom of a grandparent's story? Isn't the life you've lived and experienced worth far more than the number attached to your life span?

...or am I just trying to convince myself...?

On the domestic front - yes, that was DS1 on the local news describing in his inimitable way how it feels to have a firefighter for a father, with the smoke and flames rolling in the background. "It's scary. It just is, scary." Ah, this mother's heart is so proud! However, the English/Victorian Lit. major - hmmm - maybe not so much! Where are the WORDS?!? LOL! And for those who called and expressed their concern as to whether or not DH was at the scene, thank you! Yes, he was called in, and yes he was fighting the fire, and to be honest, I expect him to be there for awhile yet.

I have to admit that I drove as close to the scene as traffic would allow - note to self - DO. NOT. EVER. DO. THAT. AGAIN! It's really tough to see this seeminly chaotic scene with danger and destruction and know that your husband is somewhere in there. And I know he was loving every minute of it! He so rarely actually gets to see real flames - except in the grill! As a matter of fact, DH happened to see DS1&2 (Nutsy & Trigger, Thing1 & Thing2, Toejam & Earl - take yer pick!) and asked if I was with them. He was happy to hear that I was at home (they had gone with a friend and his mother and grandmother.) Wish I'd have stayed there!

Angels and bugs

I got a call yesterday from my aunt and grandfather, stating that they were coming to town and hoping to drop by to see us. Of course, at the time they called, we were sitting in church. Wouldn't ya know it?! Fortunately, they stopped by on their way out of town, so I got to see them. My aunt, indeed, most of the women in the family (both sides) are/were involved in Job's Daughters - a masonic organization for girls. Currently, my aunt and grandfather are the adult leaders of the chapter in my home town, and my aunt is in line to be the big boss of the state in about two years. She has asked me to help her with some cross stitching for her term as GG, as soon as she finds the 'right' angel (her mascot.) Well, some of that surf time at work came in handy as I was able to direct her to a particular designer's website. Woohoo! We'll see what she thinks...

The boys and I watched the Crufts Dog Show last night. Wow - huge! However, I didn't see a Brit among the competitors. Speaking of dogs - ours is a goofball! Of the HIGHEST degree! His breed happens to point (only spaniel that does, so I'm told) and to watch him point while on the deck or looking out the front door is a riot! He absolutely WILL. NOT. MOVE. You can bug him, tease him, call him, anything - and he just stays like he is. Usually, he's watching a rabbit (his favorite!) or a chipmunk in the backyard, or birds in the front. Well, last night, I let him out for the last time of the night, and before he's at the steps of the deck, he starts pointing. And there I am, straining to see what the heck he's looking at. No, don't see a rabbit. No birds. No chipmunks. Nothing. DS1 crept up beside me and, after watching a few seconds, told me Wrigley was pointing at the lightning bugs! Sheesh!

Friday

FRIDAY!! Woo-ha! Nothing much has been going on in my little world. I've been stitching again - which has been a real stress reliever for me. Not stitching anything huge or complicated. I found some freebie patterns of the months of the year - really small ones - but they're put out by a floss company. And of course, I can't find their floss in my local cross stitch shop, so I get to customize them when I kit them out. LOVE to do that!

The kiddos are nearly done with school for the year - happy and sad at the same time. Looking forward to having them home! Summer starts the birthday season for us, too, so I need to get on the ball planning some parties.

Today is Wrigley's birthday - and yes, looks like we'll be doing something for him - and this after I swore I wouldn't be one of those dog people! Oh well, he's worth it!

So. There ya go. Small town me and my small town life and small town thoughts of randomness...but I'm okay with that!

From Captivating...

"You are a woman. An image bearer of God. The Crown of Creation. You were chosen before time and space, and you are wholly and dearly loved. You are sought after, pursued, romanced, the passionate desire of you Fiance, Jesus. You are dangerous in your beauty and your life-giving power. And you are needed...Your aching, awakened heart leads you to the feet of Jesus, where you wait on him and wait for him. The eyes of his heart are ever upon you. The King is captivated by your beauty...Whatever your particular calling, you are meant to grace the world with your dance, to follow the lead of Jesus wherever he leads you. He will lead you first into himself; and then, with him, he will lead you into the world that he loves and needs you to love."

I think what has affected me most about this book, and the 'Guidance' print mentioned in an earlier blog, is that, taken personally, they refer to me as a 'woman.' Now that might sound a bit odd, but bear with me. I went from being a 'child' (read: 'afterthought'), shuffled from pillar to post by a single mother, to being a 'roommate' in college and immediately after, to a 'girlfriend', 'fiancee', 'wife', and then to 'mommy.' I've never really stopped and thought of myself as 'woman' without these other labels. 'Woman' as a stand-alone entity. 'Woman' as worthy of respect. 'Woman' as having special, God-given talents and abilities.

Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not faulting my DH or DKs at all. I love my role and titles of wife and mother! I wouldn't trade my life for anything! And I know they love and respect me. But there's never been an opportunity to just be a 'woman'. I don't think I've ever even referred to myself that way. On various forms asking for gender, it limits the choice to 'male' and 'female'. Not 'man' or 'woman'. Even the term 'female' has a cold, clinical and sterile feel. Whereas 'woman' sounds warm and nurturing, creative and giving.

I don't know where I'm trying to go with this. Probably nowhere. It's just something that struck me and I felt I needed to get it written somewhere.

Thursday

One of my co-workers gave his 3 day notice today. He starts a new job Monday. I'm going to miss him! He was so funny! But I understand - the fees weren't there, the drive was the pits, etc. So, see ya 'round, Sparky!

The book that DH and DKs got me for Mother's Day is by Stasi and John Eldredge (of Wild at Heart fame) and is called Captivating. And what Wild at Heart has done for a lot of the men I know, I believe Captivating will do for lots of women I know. It explores the questions in a woman's heart like the other book did for the a man's heart. I have found so many things I identify with in this book! I told DH last night that the women's ministry servant group should make this the theme for our women's retreat next year - and I haven't even finished the book yet! The only problems I can see are that a study guide would have to be constructed and that I don't think we could get through it in the limited time we have that weekend!

DS1 has his final elementary school music program tonight. Final, that is, if he actually can pass this grade! From what I've seen and heard of the program, it should be really cute - I know he's had a lot of fun doing it!

Well...back to work...

Mem'ries...

...like the corners of my mind...la di da di da di daaa di

Sorry!

DS1 and I were doing some cleaning last night in anticipation of our Memorial Day cookout bash-type thing - never too early to do spring cleaning - lol! Anyway, we came across my junior high and high school yearbooks. So, of course, we had to take a break and peruse them. Riot! The funnest (is that a word?) part was reading all the signatures. "You're so sweet - stay that way" and "never forget the fun we had..." and "you'll go far in life 'cuz your so smart and funny" yada yada yada...

It was really bad when someone signed with a nickname of some sort, because I absolutely cannot remember these people's regular names, let alone nicknames! And then there were the people who signed my yearbooks and I don't remember EVER even talking to them, let alone knowing them well enough to garner sappy sentiments and signatures for posterity!

I'm so glad that Jesus won't ever forget me. And that the words He left for me to read will still ring true forever.

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands... Isaiah 49:16a
...he remembers his covenant forever... Psalm 111:5

Happy Mother's Day

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

I got the sweetest hand-drawn cards from the kiddos - nothing better than that! And of course, DS1 always cracks me up when he signs things - 'from your loving son' - what ten year old talks like that?! DH got me a book that he didn't even know I wanted - he's good! And told me that the picture I blogged about will hopefully be coming to our house sometime soon - as soon as the store finds one for him. I didn't have to do dishes or laundry or anything! I got the remote ALL DAY! Pretty good Mother's Day!

I called my grandmother to wish her a HMD and make sure she got her card (and in a roundabout way - to make sure my mother got her card too.) What I wanna know is - where are the cards for dysfunctional families?! I mean, it's always been a problem especially for Mother's Day! "You've always been there for me, your unconditional love means the world to me, I couldn't have done it without you," blah blah blah. Come one - where are the cards that say "Thanks for the egg!" or "Thanks for the nine month rent-free accomodations" or "You were awesome when I was a kid, but recently..." Sorry if I sound a little bitter. Mother's Day just puts me in a bit of a snit.

So, I'll focus on how wonderful my day was and how much grammy loved her card and leave it at that.

What do YOU think?

Found this story on Fox News: (yes, I filter...)

California churchgoers called the cops on three strange men they thought were skin heads - but the bald trio turned out to be Marines looking for a buddy.

"They have short Marine haircuts, and someone perceives that they're skinheads, and that they were intimidating people," San Bernardino County sheriff's Sgt. Frank Gonzales told the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin of Ontario, Calif. "It turns out that was not the case, and they were very polite."

It all began April 24 at Spanish-language mass at St. Peter and St. Paul Roman Catholic Church in Rancho Cucamonga, about 40 miles east of Los Angeles.

During the service, three bald men in civilian clothes came in and sat down.

Before Mass had even finished, the three suddenly got up, walked to the front of the room, turned and faced the congregation in silence for a few moments - and then left.

"It was very disrespectful," said parishioner Aida Nordahl, who said she and her fellow congregants were put ill at ease.

The next Sunday, May 1, the three men came back, sitting among worshippers and talking to each other during Mass.

That's when someone in the congregation called the sheriff's department.

The three men told deputies that they'd just returned from service in Iraq and were looking for a friend they though might attend services at the church.

When they didn't see him in the congregation the first time, they came back a week later.

The Rev. Patrick Kirsch explained what had happened to relieved parishioners, and said he considered the matter closed.

"We don't want to make it more than it is," he said. "I was reassured by the police that [the men] wouldn't be back."

...just wanted to see what the blog family thinks about this story...

It's WHAT...?!

I picked the kiddos up from school yesterday, and DS1 was sooo excited!

"Mom! Guesswhatprojectwe'redoinginschoolit'ssocooldoyouwannaknowwhatitisactuallyit'sprettygrossareyousureyouwannaknow?"

"Uh, do I have a choice?"

"No!"

He then proceeds to show me a ziploc baggie of what looked like dryer lint.

"Guess what this is!"

"Um..."

"Owl vomit!!"

Riiiiiight.

"And look at this!" He holds up a second ziploc bag full of something I wasn't quite sure I actually wanted to look at.

"Guess what this is!"

I don't think so.

"Mouse bones! Look! Here's a skull!"

Okay - driving now! Please put all that away and never bring it out in my presence EVER. AGAIN. Love you okay buh-bye!

So I guess my question is - where would one 'harvest' such a product? I mean, does one wander through the woods and happen to find small piles of dryer lint, and think - hey! I can gather this for distribution to elementary school students! Woo-ha! Cha-ching!

And for the record - yes, owl vomit does in fact smell terrible. Thanks for asking.

"Is there a problem?!" Sheesh!

Can I just say how much I detest when people are inconsiderate, rude, and downright selfish! Especially when it's someone you HAVE to be around! No avoidance! And then that person has the nerve to ask what's wrong!? Ugh! ...breathe in...breathe out... Okay - venting over - for now!

We're anxiously awaiting the results of DS1' s math test today. (Thanks, Kate!) We've been encouraging him to study harder and bring his grades up, because he doesn't have much time left this year. Don't know if he's going to make it in time!

The office manager has been gone the last two days and so I've been covering her work as well as my own, so this won't be very long (or very interesting, for that matter!) Just wanted to check in and say yes I'm still here somewhere - buried under paperwork and phone cords! lol!

Happy Tuesday!

...if I...

Jettybetty has a list of questions to answer 'just fer fun' on her blog today - very bloggable questions...so here goes...

The questions: If I could be a scientist...if I could be a farmer...if I could be a musician...if I could be a doctor...if I could be a painter...if I could be a gardener...if I could be a missionary...if I could be a chef...if I could be an architect...if I could be a linguist...if I could be a psychologist...if I could be a librarian...if I could be an athlete...if I could be a lawyer...if I could be an inn-keeper...if I could be a professor...if I could be a writer...if I could be a llama-rider...if I could be a bonnie pirate...if I could be an astronaut...if I could be a world-famous blogger...if I could be a justice on any one court in the world...if I could be married to any current famous political figure...

So, I guess whatcha do is pick one or two or three of these and speculate away...!

The funny thing is, as I was typing the list, I kept wondering why I couldn't be one of these things. (And I know DH is applauding wildly at the idea of not limiting my thinking...!) I mean, I realize some of these are kinda out there, but some of them aren't. I'm not necessarily an astronaut or an architect, and I never ride my llama or sail my pirate ship in public, but as for the rest, yeah, I think I could or have done them all to some degree.

As a wife and mother.

And no, I don't want this to be one of those cutesy, smarmy, sappy mother's day things that always get forwarded in emails!

• But as a wife and mother, yes, I have been a doctor - and we need to buy stock in band-aids.
• I am a musician - specializing in lullabies.
• I've been known as a pretty mean finger painter in my time.
• Nothing is sweeter in my garden than marigolds presented by a grubby kindergartener.
• Chef? Well, okay, DH is more the chef than I am, but I can make a mean German pancake when the occasion calls for it!
• Anyone who can decipher that a toddler wants a cookie is a master linguist!
• Psychologist and lawyer kind of go hand in hand for anyone with more than one child. "Why did you hit your brother? How do you think that makes him feel? What should your punishment be?"
• Inn-keeper goes along with the chef-thing - somedays it feels like I run a B&B!
• Fourth grade math qualifies ANYONE as a professor these days!
• Athletic? Well, maybe not so much to look at me per se, but let my kids or DH get into trouble and the Flash has nuttin' on me!
• And as for a missionary, well that's pretty obvious. My mission field is in my own backyard.

Maybe not the answers sought, but that's what I got!

Happy weekend!

Yes, Lord

We got our latest catalog/flyer from our local christian bookstore yesterday. I usually peruse it looking for new music or novels - just to see what's out there. They also have lots of inspirational knick-knacks, etc, including pictures. Well, last night, one of the pictures stopped me cold. Not so much for the art, but for the words.

Guidance

I am a woman who walks with the Lord.

His hand guides my steps.

He is the One who goes before me

and makes my way safe.

I am led with gentleness,

kindness and grace.

He sets the perfect pace.

My steps are steps of peace.

He is beside me as my Helper,

ahead of me as my Shield,

and behind me as my Protector.

He is the purpose of my journey,

and the destination I seek.

I read the first line and my heart started pounding and my soul cried out! Even with all the other stuff I've been dealing with, this - THIS - is the prayer and longing of my heart! I just didn't know how to say it.

prayer

Things went MUCH better last night with the kiddos! They worked together on art projects, and nary an argument was heard! Wahoo! I was able to get some rest, and didn't get blamed for it!

I've been talking to God a bit lately, again, whatever. Not too much in depth, but more like those quick 'popcorn' prayers - you know, you hear of someone's need and fire off and quick 'be with them, Lord' prayer. I'm still struggling a bit with getting 'down and dirty' with EVERYTHING in prayer, you know? This is going to sound odd, but I've been looking at the lives of some catholic saints - don't ask me why! And yes, I've been filtering...but it's been really hard for me to imagine the prayer lives of these people! Praying for days on end. I've never been a really strong 'prayer warrior' or anything like that, and to be honest, it concerns me. My attention wanders constantly, and I don't feel like I have any deep meaningful times with the Lord. And this isn't just recently - this has been since I've become a christian. Although if you ask DH, prayer is always my first reponse to him when he's facing difficulty: 'Did you pray about it?' 'Maybe this is something to take to God in prayer.' 'Let's pray. You first.'

Wow - this is so NOT what I was going to write about today!

Anyone else struggle with this?

Brother vs brother

Wow! This bronchitis has just been kicking my tail! I've just been exhausted! I'm barely getting done what absolutely HAS to be done some days. But the biaxin seems to be kicking in, and hope springs eternal for singing Sunday.

I went outside this morning and cut some lilacs to bring into the office - they're at their peak and GORGEOUS! Unfortunately, my only white lilac bush succumbed to a windstorm last year.

It's official! Not only have I blown Mother of the Year - this morning I blew the Lifetime Achievement Award too. I don't know what the deal is with these two creatures living in our home! It's like since I've been sick this week (which, according to DS1 is all my fault!) they've sensed a weakness in the parent herd and are moving in for the kill! Sheesh! This morning's battle was over those silly 'Live Strong'-esque bracelets. Evidently they were discussing a trade, and one changed his mind, and then chaos ensued with the younger going after the elder's throat at the breakfast table - aaarrrrggghhhh! Where are the Walton's when you need them?! So, the bracelets got tossed at DH's command - albeit temporarily - and that launched DS2's lament that nobody likes him. If they're like this at 8 & 10, what the heck am I going to do at 14 & 16?!?

Lord, please restore peace to our home!

prayer request

I've been following Karla Cadeau's pregnancy through her blog www.babycadeau.blogspot.com for awhile now. Unfortunately, Ava died soon after delivery due to a heart condition that the doctors thought was under control. Please pray for Karla and Mark as they are holding Ava's funeral tomorrow.

Thanks.

A report on Sunday...

Well, I made it through singing Sunday - and without my mask. Truthfully, I was far more concentrated on my physical well-being than my spiritual. Turns out I have acute bronchitis. Ugh. So, after lip-synching my way through a good portion of worship leading (thanks Deanie!) I came home and collapsed. Today meant a visit to my favorite Dr at the doc-in-a-box, who surprised me when he told me it not pneumonia - it is spring, after all. So, I'm home, and the kiddos are out of school, and I'm exhausted! Will try to sleep now. Have a good day, everyone...

Friday

Thanks to all of you! You've been so encouraging and understanding! I don't think my funk is quite as deep as it was earlier in the week...

I've not quite gotten to the point where I'm a happy peppy person again, but I'm getting there. I actually listened to some christian music today - something I haven't done in some time - which if you know me at all is waaaay out of character!

No offense, Fireguy, but I'm kinda looking forward to some down time tonight. Peace, quiet, time to think, reflect, and stitch (yes, I found a project that, for all intents and purposes is free!), and maybe even make more than a nodding acquaintance with God. We'll see.

I can't make any predictions or promises as to Sunday morning, and I may have to pull out my happy face mask for singing (I hope not!) but I'll be there.

sorry

I need to apologize for tonight - if you read further, you'll understand why. So, sorry, Kate, Julie, Skip, Deanie, Jeff and Dwight. Just wasn't feelin' it tonight.

To Want To Want To

Sunday, a visiting woman in our class made the comment that sometimes all you can pray is to want to want to. I guess that reflects where I am right now. I'm struggling with just about everything. I've never really had my faith challenged or felt like I've been forced to examine my faith, and it's not a pleasant feeling! I feel like a rebellious child - something I've never been - and I know that God is there, and He loves me and is waiting for me to get my act together, and that is comforting, but right now, the rest of it doesn't feel like it's there, you know? I don't feel like I'm angry at God or anything - nothing has happened, really, that would 'justify' an anger. Maybe I'm just tired. Tired of putting up a front, or putting on a happy face, or...I don't know. I just feel spiritually numb right now. Prayers, when I say them, don't even make it to the ceiling, although I believe I meant them, as well as the ones I wrote here. Study is a chore to mark off my list. I just feel like I'm going through the motions, and while deep down I know this is temporary, and I know that I want to - I don't know - 'get better?', I don't feel an urgency to do that. Is this normal? Well, obviously probably not. Do I just need to stew for awhile, and then get back on track? Do I need to take a break? How would that even be possible? *sigh*

clarifying

Okay, maybe the depression example wasn't the best one to use. How about this? If I say I'm the Queen of England, dress like her (or not - ugh - those hats!), talk like her, believe I am her, that certainly doesn't give me the power to invade the Falklands, does it? I mean, I can say and act and believe all I want, but that don't make it so.

So, if someone is acting like a 'good christian' - saying the right things, promising to pray for your problems, serving the church, etc, and possibly believes they are a 'good christian'...but what if they don't feel it inside? Are they truly a 'gc'?

Baseball - a contact sport?

Well, DS1 has his first black eye. The neighborhood kids tend to gravitate to our back yard for baseball - which is fine perfectly fine with me! Last night, one of the girls was horsing around and started throwing sticks - one of which caught DS1 just below his right eye.

You know, I always pooh-pooh'd those people who said they couldn't handle the sight of their kids' blood. But I gained a new empathy for those people yesterday! He had blood all over his face and hands and was crying so, it would break your heart - mostly out of fear. But within probably ten minutes or so, he was back out talking to his friends, albeit with a cloth held up to his eye. This morning he looked like a young prizefighter - and boy, was he proud!

I'm interested in any opinions: Do you believe that if you act a certain way long enough or often enough that you will start to become that way? For example, if you suffer from depression, but you tell yourself to act happy, will you actually get happy? And can it be considered genuine?

Do you see what I see?

From Donald Miller's Searching for God Knows What:

"In the Gospels, Jesus is always surrounded by the poor, by the marginalized. And, adversely, He is often opposed by the powerful. Not all the powerful, but those who oppose Him are almost always the people who are ahead in the lifeboat. In this way, Jesus disrupted the system by which people were gaining their false redemption."

Miller then goes on to quote Phillip Yancey from The Jesus I Never Knew:

"The more unsavory the characters, the more at ease they seemed to feel around Jesus. People like these found Jesus appealing: a Samaritan social outcast, a military officer of the tyrant Herod, a quisling tax collector, a recent hostess to seven demons. In contrast, Jesus got a chilly response from more respectable types. Pious Pharisees thought him uncouth and worldly, a rich young ruler walked away shaking his head, and even the open-minded Nicodemus sought a meeting under the cover of darkness. I [Yancey] remarked to the class how strange this pattern seemed, since the Christian church now attracts respectable types who closely resemble the people most suspicious of Jesus on earth. What has happened to reverse the pattern of Jesus' day? Why don't sinners like being around us?"

Miller continues:
"...Jesus was offering redemption through a relationship with Himself, and for those who were already being redeemed by a jury of their peers, people like politicians or wealthy people or powerful religious leaders, the redemption Jesus offered must have felt like a step down; but for those who had nothing...Jesus offered everything."

5Q4

Okay - here are my answers to Donna's 5Q4 for me. Evidently the rules are to copy and paste the questions and answers and to challenge you, dear readers, to be interviewed by moi (the first four of you, anyway...)

1. You once mentioned that you used to think you were invisible. When would you like to have the ability to be invisible?
I think currently I would most like to be invisible when it's for my own protection and self-preservation! A really cool defense mechanism, doncha think? Actually, I don't know that I have a good or valid reason for being invisble - at least not a reason that isn't selfish and sneaky...lol!

2. You have talked about your estranged relationship with your mother. What effect, positive or negative, do you think this has had on your relationship with your children?
I have always assured my kids that there is nothing they could do to make me stop loving them. I pray they will never test me on that! We have always been very up front with the kids as to the reasons behind my mother's actions. I hope they can understand the error of her thinking, while at the same time learning forgiveness and ultimately, acceptance of others.

3. You spoke of a friend with whom you had a falling out and later reconciliation. Has your friendship been the same since the "bad times"?
While it's true there was a meeting of the minds and apologies and forgiveness offered and accepted, I'm not sure "reconciliation" is the best word to describe what happened. I think we kinda left things as they are: not a lot of contact, but the knowledge that we'll be there when we seek one another out. Sometimes I regret the distance, but most times I'm at peace.

4. At one time your job was incredible stressful for you. Are your stress levels better? Did the whole incident from December blow over?
"At one time"! HA! Actually, this past Sunday marked my fifth anniversary here, and so far, so good. I think things have blown over for the most part. We're such a small office, and stress around here tends to breed and be contagious! I am looking around for something else - just keeping my options open...!

5. Do you think your posting style or content changed any when your husband began to read your blog?
I don't think changed all that much. I have always tried to be honest and truthful, while respecting feelings and privacy. My husband has been a source of inspiration and encouragement in my blogging. In fact, I feel he's much better at blogging than I am. There are times, however, when I wish I had a completely anonymous blog where I could vent and release the screaming banshee that seems to be my alter ego - yell and vent while being completely - AHA! - invisible!!

Thanks, Donna! Anyone else...?

Monday, Monday

Happy Monday! It's the start of another week. Another opportunity to see the beauty around us, to share our lives with someone who needs to know someone cares, to enjoy the life and blessings poured out on us by our benevolent Father.

DH and I spent about an hour with a college class taught by a friend of ours this morning. It's become almost a standing engagement. When he teaches a class on multiculturalism, he invites us to come and speak about our marriage. We really enjoy it. It gives us an opportunity to share some about our faith as well. I will admit that today, though, all these college students looked really young! *sigh*

I recently finished Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz. Wow! LOVED. IT. It really opened my eyes, and led me out of my happy little christian churchy cocoon. The things he writes showed me that I've been wrong about a lot of things, and I want to change. Which is very frightening. And difficult. But we've all gotta start somewhere!

Favorite...?

Are you someone's favorite person?

I read this on one of the blog's I regularly read. It got me to thinking. I hope I'm my husband's favorite person, and maybe even my kids favorite mom. I'm pretty sure I'm at least near the top of the list of grandkids.

And then I wondered about Jesus. Who is His favorite? What would it take to be God's favorite? I don't know that I could do what I think it would take to be Jesus' favorite person.
Although, with as much as God has intervened and helped us and blessed us recently, I feel that I could make that argument!

What do you think?

Thank You Lord for the blessings, and for the good news we just received. Once again You have proved Yourself faithful! You are my favorite!

...talk about a HEADACHE...

I tried to blog yesterday, but I must have irritated the blogger powers that be, because they accepted my post as some sort of atoning sacrifice and consumed it and the altar on which it was offered.

I had to take my younger DS to the local doc in a box Monday for headache with dizziness. This child sometimes has been known to "exaggerate" shall we say, symptoms in order to receive attention. But the dizziness and "foggy eyes" had us concerned, so after the school called me on his behalf, off we went.

We waited for two hours before we needed to go fetch DS1 from school, and there were still people ahead of us in line. I told the nurse we'd be back after 5pm.

So, about 5:10, we all head back to the dr. We finally got into an exam room at around 5:40 - keeping in mind they closed at 6pm. Dr came in around 5:50 and proceeded to give DS a thorough exam, but could find no reason for "the worst headache ever so far." Dr said he wanted to speak to our primary care physician for a consult and asked us to wait. Hmmph. He would periodically return to let us know he was still waiting for the dr to return his call. More waiting. At around 6:30, our dr finally called. Docinabox dr returned to the exam room to tell me that DS2 had a CT scan scheduled for right now. RIGHT NOW.

So off we go to the hospital. The nurse in triage led us to not radiology...but rather ADMISSIONS! More forms, more waiting. And then the admissions lady led us to radiology, but there was no one there. Just a phone and a sign sitting on a counter in front of an empty desk. I follow the instructions on the sign and call someone to let them know we're there and oh, so available for the scan. Finally, someone comes out and takes my paperwork and instructs us to sit and...thaaaaat's right...wait! *sigh*

We were led back to the scan room at around 7:30ish. The scan took literally 8 minutes and we were gone. As we were leaving, DS1 asked if the 'tiragy' stuff where we were when we got to the hospital was contagious. Thank heavens for comic relief!

Of course, don't forget, we have not been home yet. We rushed home, hoping against hope that the dog could hold it. Nope. And would someone please tell me why dogs HAVE to use the carpet instead of the linoleum?!? Oh, and of course Wrigley had an upset tummy...UGH!

Fortunately, DS2's scan was negative. He is still having headaches, but so far, they've been more controllable.

Not exactly how I was hoping to spend my Monday. However, I've determined that I will not let Satan get me down and will keep my head up, searching the skies!

Lord, thank You that the tests results were favorable! Comfort him and help us to help him feel better. You know our needs at this time, and You have ALWAYS come through for us. Lord, we're calling on You again to provide.

Famous Four

Okay, just so DH will stop bugging me, I will answer his 'Famous Four.' Or I'll attempt to, anyway.

I have always wanted to sing. From the time I was a child. I sang in the little bitty cute kids choir as a preschooler - you know the one where the debate rages over whether it's cuter to have your kids wave at you or do the potty dance in front of the church! (I did neither, by the way - too shy to wave and too in control (?!) of myself to feel the need to do urinary ballet!) However, when I was older, I didn't join any other choirs either at church or in school. I think I was still too shy. In college, I shared with a friend that I wanted to sing and that I felt that God wanted me to sing as well. But, again, I really didn't do anything about it.

I was thrilled when I was approached about singing with the praise team at church! Even with my many limitations, I have so enjoyed the experience! The fellowship, the fun, the love, and the SINGING have been incredible!

And then, joy of joys! I actually started seeing a voice coach! Someone who actually had technical knowledge told me that I wasn't delusional and had a halfway decent voice! Huzzah! She has challenged me to step outside my christian niche of music, but that's where I'm happiest - praising in song. I feel closer to Jesus when I sing than almost any other time. Lyrics turn to prayers for me. Melodies are worship.

I don't think I am anywhere nearly good enough to record or anything, so I think I've come as far as I want, and possibly as far as God wants.

So, dear, I don't know if that's what you were hoping to hear, but it's what I feel my answers to your questions are.

"I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord." Psalm 104:33-34 (get it? :D)

Wha' happen...?

I was skimming the Psalms today, searching for an appropriate scripture for a situation, and my eye often caught on underlines and notes I have in my Bible. I so enjoy looking at other people's Bibles, especially those who have walked with Jesus for a long time. I think their notes and underlines are almost as great a testament as the book itself! So, as I'm running through the Psalms, I keep seeing these underlined passages, and most of them were just crying out to the Lord for relief. "Help me...rescue me...absolve me..." I kept running into them, and thought to myself, "Where are the praises I've wanted to pray?!" I mean, there was all this moaning and groaning - which is okay, I guess. I just wondered when I was going to get around to celebrating, and marking those passages as well.

Lord, You alone are worthy of praise! I want to bring my praises to You, as well as my struggles!

Joy

I've tried to take Sunday's sermon to heart - yeah, the same one Skip mentioned in his blog - about finding joy everyday. And what I've discovered is that I've seen the hand of God working and active in my life this week. I've been so aware of it, and it's been amazing! He's been helping us through a low spot and He just keeps pouring out blessings! And not small ones! It's been really neat to watch for these events, and to acknowledge them as they happen, and not just in hindsight.

Lord, You are to be praised, even in the tough spots! Help me to see You this way more! I want to see what You're doing in my life and the lives of others! Thank You for Your abundant blessings!

We put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'!

My grandfather and one of my aunts came to visit last night. These are relatives from my dad's side. And I admit, I haven't exactly been the faithful correspondent that I should be or like I have with my grandmother (from my mother's side.) I never really built a real close relationship with that side of the family since my dad chose not to fully exercise his visitation rights when mom and dad divorced. And now, of course, I regret that. I felt really bad when they couldn't keep the boys' names straight. Ouch! That hurt! Not so much because I was offended or anything, but because they didn't know them well enough to be able to remember. I've vowed to change this. I'm glad that Grampa has such a close relationship with my cousin - she's pretty young - I was the ONLY grandchild for 29 years. And I'm determined to build a better relationship with that side of the family. Not necessarily my father, you understand. It's always very uncomfortable when we talk. His choices have built some pretty thick walls, and I don't feel that I know him well enough yet to try to find a chink in those walls. But, we'll see...

Sorry - still not feeling much like blogging - we're going through a really rough spot right now. We'd appreciate prayers. Blugs!

break

Not a good couple of days - don't really feel much like blogging. Hope to be back to it soon! Blugs.

Of fire trucks and watering things

DH and I watched "Ladder 49" last night. Whew! Wow! Really gets ya right there, know what I mean? The movie sparked all kinds of conversation at our house last night - and no, we didn't let the kiddos watch it. But it really touched on some of the fears we have as a firefighter family. One of the scenes that really got to me was one of the final scenes - if you haven't seen it I won't spoil it, but I just felt like the main character's wife was excluded, shunned almost, in favor of the brotherhood. I don't feel that DH would ever do that, or be involved in any activity that would make me feel that way, but I have seen and heard of some instances where things like that have happened.

I confess! I had no idea what a delicate flower our dog was! We had to get more dog food, and instead of the outrageously overpriced food we had been getting, I went a step down to the next higher outrageously overpriced food. Well, Wrigley was NOT happy! He had bad things coming out of both ends of him - made for a pleasant evening, lemme tell ya! With a pet, you can't send him running to the bathroom when he feels sick, obviously. So I went out and bought the original outrageously overpriced food. I even took him with me to the yuppie pet store here in town - because that's where they sell the outrageously overpriced food. He did fine all through the store to the back where the food is, back to the front to pay for the food, and then he decided to 'bless' the checkout counter! Thaaat's right. 'Annointed' the durn thing right there! I told the clerk, and he assured me it was no problem, but I was pretty embarrassed nonetheless! I guess I should be happy it wasn't one of the kids that did it, huh?

Monday...

I have to admit that when I started blogging, I really wasn't expecting anyone to actually read the durn thing! But things being as they are, I've discovered quite a few people have not only read my random tho'ts, but have linked me as well! (I have to admit - I was thrilled at that!) It's been pretty interesting to find out who has been reading my blog. Some people were a given, some were a surprise, some were a bolt out of the blue!

I've been getting the stitching urge again. I need to find a project, tho', that won't be a hit on the pocketbook - in other words - use some of the floss I have on hand! Unfortunately, when it comes to my embroidery floss, I'm not the most organized person. So finding the right colors and seeing if I have usable fabrice will be a challenge. I've been cruising some stitching blogs and websites, and the bug done bit me! I have some projects in the works now - and this is part of my problem - I want to do something NEW!!! From the beginning! For me, there's nothing like organizing my stitching corner with floss and needle and fabric and notions. I'm missing that a lot recently! But, there are other things that need to be done around the house, so I'll try to exterminate that bug for awhile yet.

My grandmother came to see us this weekend. We got her to start telling stories from her childhood, and we had a blast! She was quite a pistol when she was a girl! She started telling me some of the not so good things that happened to her as a child. I was concerned that she would be really down after remembering some of these events, and then head home alone. But she called me later and told me that she had received a call from a childhood friend that evening, so they reminisced about the good things, and she was fine. She's such a wonderful woman, and I am so incredibly blessed to have had her such a part of my life!

Yesterday's worship was really good, I thought. The message was inspiring, and the fellowship was good. I sang with the praise team yesterday, and I thought that went okay. Well, except for that little hiccup during the opening announcements. We have a LARGE portrait hanging up in the front of the auditorium, and it happens to be right behind the sopranos on the praise team. We stayed onstage while the announcements were being given, and I thought I was farther away from the picture than I was andevidentlyIbumpeditandwellyeahitkindafellonme. But other than that...

Lord, thank You for the ability to laugh at ourselves!

...kamma kamma down doobiedoo down down...

I can't figure out what's going on with me! Yesterday and today, I just seem to be in a funk - at least that's how it looks! I mean, I feel fine - not sad or down or anything, but my face and my demeanor don't seem to have gotten the memo.

I am feeling a little sensitive about comments being made about things here in the office. They're made as 'general' comments about broad topics, but the 'broad topics' are things that I'm responsible for - and not by choice, might I add. *sigh* I don't want to be bothered with anyone at work today. Just let me sit in my little corner of the office and do my work!

Lord, I don't want to bring anyone down, and I don't want to be down myself! I want to be a light and share the joy that You've given me! Lift my head, Lord. Let me be an encouragement.

Dream a little dream...

I had the oddest dream last night - sorry honey! I dreamed I was in a musical production that was being performed in a mall-like setting. The play was almost like the Ice Capades in scale! And I was the lead - with no preparation! No clue what the choreography was, the songs, the lines - nothing! And the male lead was NOT happy with me! (Like I wanted to be in that position!) My fears about my shortcomings were allayed, though, when the bad guys took us all hostage. So, no worries! :D

It's not even eleven and I'm pretty much done with everything I HAVE to do today. There's still some other extra stuff that needs to be done, but I can wait awhile to do that - you know, make it stretch!

Okay, this will sound like a weird statement, but, well, consider the source. I've started driving the posted speed limit. There. I said it. I've never been any sort of speed demon or anything, but you know, 5-10 over was pretty common. Ever since I started going the limit though, I've felt a peace when I'm in the car. I don't have to worry about police cruisers singling me out, or even noticing me. I'm more relaxed in the car and when I get to my destination. If it takes me a little longer than it did a few weeks ago, oh well. Driving has never been one of my favorite things to do, but recently I haven't minded it nearly as much. (I told you it was weird!)

Well, I guess I need to get back to the grindstone. And don't worry - I'll find something to occupy my time! Heheh!

Lord, thank You for my job, and the breaks that I get to enjoy.

Innocence Lost

I think my rose-colored glasses have been lightened just a bit. And I have to admit, I'm mourning that bit of innocence and Pollyanna-ish-ness (?!) that I think I've lost. I hate to think that there are the kind of things I've heard about in the one area of my life where I want to be able to believe the best about people, but there ya go. I guess the church will never be perfect in this world, because as hard as we try, we're all still human.

Please pray for my families - church and home. Come, Lord Jesus!

New kid on the blog...

Yes, that's right - my DH has been assimilated into the BLOG. Fireguy has arrived. Check it out - should be interesting! This also means that my 101st thing is no longer true!

So, this weekend wasn't half bad. I felt very efficient Saturday. I was able to get done the things that needed to be done, both in and out of the house. Such a great feeling!

The kiddos and I watched a movie Saturday evening, and had a really nice time! I'm going to miss these cuddly, snuggly times - and I know they'll be ending all too soon.

Yesterday's worship was great! The songs were rockin' and the message was oh so challenging! With lots of 'Panera' thrown in the mix! (I've got to get over there sometime!)

I met one of our newer neighbors Saturday too. She's a single mom with a 7 year old son. My kiddos really enjoy playing with him so I figured I'd better go over and introduce myself. The funny thing is, we stood outside and talked for probably 10-15 minutes, but she never told me her name! So she's still "Jonathan's mom" at our house. Oh well!

Happy Friday!

Things are kind of surreal around here today - the boss (not so nice) has finally gotten the message that we don't want him to test out his voice mangler on us, so he's calling an answering machine in his office and listening to it repeatedly; one of the 'tile boys' here is insisting on speaking to everyone with a real Southern hick accent; another co-worker has discovered the joys of 'My Yahoo!' - and is telling me about it along with high school memories; and me? well, I'm blogging, and reading blogs, and surfing blogs and thinking about blogs and reading comments on blogs, and dreading laundry. (Gotcha!)

We've decided that taking some time away from television for awhile. We're going to try other methods of entertainment - dominoes, anyone? Gonna try some directed viewing of 'good' movies occasionally. But I will admit, I will miss American Idol and Survivor terribly! Thank goodness they have the internet on computers now!

So, happy Friday, dear blog family! Enjoy your weekend, rest and refresh, and come back Monday, rarin' to go! (Oh dear, it's only been one day and I'm already annoying myself! Yikes!)

Thursday

101. I don't think my DH has ever read my blog...hmmm

Well, it's been a roller coaster kinda day - you know - good news, bad news, upside down news - the whole gamut! I'm choosing to focus on the good and praise God for His hand in it.

I recently got a posting on the 'other job' from my friend on the inside. It doesn't look like it would be something I could do. Some of the qualifications I simply don't have, and even with the benefits, we couldn't handle that drastic of a pay cut. So, I'll keep my eyes open. Or rather, closed in prayer.

I received the sweetest note yesterday from one of our 'retreaters'! She was thanking me and the committee for all of our hard work. What a rush! I really need to do this same kind of thing for other people more often! Share the joy!

My boss (the not nice one) has been buying products to disguise his voice. It's been really odd - I mean, where does one go to get something like that?! Stalkers 'R' Us? Gosh!

Lord, make our paths straight. Help me to be encouraging and supportive to others, as You encourage me. Thank You for my family and all they do.

100 things part 2

51. I've never gotten a speeding ticket.
52. I once dated a minister and thought that would get me in good with God. Go figure!
53. I've never had braces. (see "dentist-phobic")
54. I once wanted to write the great American novel.
55. I've had a hard time getting this list to this point.
56. I wish my church was less conservative.
57. I've never been to a class reunion.
58. Occasionally, I come up with a good idea.
59. I didn't get my driver's license until I was 17...
60. ...because I failed the test the first time.
61. One of my favorite movies is Gone With the Wind.
62. My only two times in the hospital was for the births of my two children.
63. These were also my only two surgeries.
64. I adore comments on my blog!
65. I prefer autumn to the other seasons.
66. People who drive with their turn signal on irritate me.
67. I used to be able to speak German. I even took notes in college in German - really confused people who borrowed my psych notes!
68. I don't make decisions easily.
69. I have English, Irish, German and Cherokee ancestors.
70. I don't have a green thumb. I killed a plant that had survived longer than I had been alive.
71. I watch too much television.
72. One of my favorite books is Little Women.
73. I tend to have good intentions, but lack a bit on that whole follow-through thingy.
74. I really enjoy antiques and heirlooms, and the stories that go with them.
75. The first time I met DH's oldest brother, he was wearing a purple glitter wig.
76. My DH proposed to me while I had curlers in my hair...
77. ...and before I had brushed my teeth.
78. We've not had a morning date since then...hmmm...
79. Marching bands make me cry - no clue why!
80. I'm so proud of my DH and my kids!
81. I love all things coffee-flavored.
82. Except the drink.
83. I used to think Dracula lived in my bedroom closet.
84. I'm terrified of things that are grossly disproportionate (think Freddy Krueger in the first movie - ugh!)
85. I tend to play everything safe!
86. I usually have a difficult time believing I'm good at anything.
87. When I was a child, I had a number of odd, 'supernatural' experiences.
88. I like Monty Python - indeed, all things British.
89. I've never broken a bone.
90. I can't do a cartwheel - never could.
91. I enjoy organizing events - even though it makes me nuts!
92. I would rather be in the background.
93. I don't always know how to show my family how much I love them.
94. I dislike wearing shoes indoors - blame my hillbilly grandmother!
95. I adore my grandmother!
96. I hate being in traffic - large cities at rush hour will send me into a conniption!
97. When I was a child, I was deathly afraid of sirens - kinda ironic, eh?
98. I'm not logical, nor do I have a whole lotta common sense.
99. I'm concerned that I'm not doing a good job raising my kids.
100. I want to be closer to God.

*whew*

100 things - part one

1. I've been saved.
2. I don't deserve it.
3. I'm a wife.
4. I'm a mom.
5. I've been baptized twice.
6. I was never teacher's pet.
7. I was the principal's pet (much better!)
8. I'm an only child.
9. I'm a good speller.
10. I spelled down my entire grade school when I was in fourth grade.
11. I came in fourth in the next round of competition.
12. I used to collect koala bears, music boxes and unicorns.
13. I love to read.
14. I love music.
15. But, I don't read music well.
16. I sing while I do dishes. Every night.
17. I didn't go to my prom - or any dances in high school.
18. I didn't have my first date until the night I graduated.
19. I was in an accelerated English class in high school.
20. I cannot diagram a sentence.
21. I hated studying wars and battles.
22. I acted in a play (yes, a real one!) when I was in Jr. High.
23. I don't know how I got roped into doing it.
24. I come from a broken home.
25. I was nine days late when I was born.
26. My mother thought my head was on backwards when viewing an early sonogram.
27. I am a sexual abuse survivor.
28. I love weddings.
29. My first experience singing publicly was at a funeral for someone I didn't know.
30. I don't read my Bible or pray nearly as much as I should.
31. I'm related to John Wilkes Booth.
32. I've been to both coasts.
33. I hate to clean floors.
34. I have no desire to visit Las Vegas.
35. Ah...but the United Kingdom is another story...
36. I don't cook very well. Or very often.
37. I like chocolate.
38. I couldn't eat the stuff when I was pregnant.
39. I have a terrific memory for useless information.
40. I'm a great Trivial Pursuit player.
41. I'm named for two aunts.
42. I like Victoriana.
43. I enjoy cross-stitching.
44. But I can't ever finish projects after the stitching is done.
45. Because I can't sew.
46. I'm a Past Honored Queen.
47. I've always lived in the same state.
48. I'm dentist-phobic.
49. I used to work in a carnival.
50. And as a result of that job, I once showered in a tent next to a beer garden.

...on and on and on...

Well, the cupcakes went over big time, in spite of the lack of beverage. And, okay, yes, I'll admit it wasn't that big of a deal to get them. And yes, it made me feel good to do something nice for my kiddo. Could you stop guilting me already? Gosh!

So, I've become like Miss Popularity at work. Crazy things keep ending up on my desk: papers, candles, stamps, things that actually require my attention and/or action...what are people thinking around here?! I actually had a call from a vendor and they referred to me as an administrator - yikes! Doesn't that mean I have some sort of authority? No thanks, I'll pass! Actually, the vendor wanted to walk me through changes on their website and asked if I had about five or ten minutes to do that. Hah! Maybe next April!

I've started working on my 100 things list. I should have all 100 in, oh, about two weeks! Actually, I fell asleep on the couch last night, and DH came upstairs and I woke up to find him reading my list. He had some creative and interesting suggestions to add. (insert sarcasm here) 100 things is tough!

Home again home again, jiggity jog

What am I thinking - no jogging! Although after all the chocolate this weekend - something sure needs to be done! The retreat went very well I thought. We were a crowded, but merry, band of about 35 or so. Our theme was "Speechless" - yeah, I've heard it already - 35 women together for a weekend and "speechless"?! Actually, during the time set aside for personal devotion, it was very quiet! We had lots of positive comments about the study material, the location, the food - it was very gratifying to hear that all the hard work the committee did was appreciated!

Fridays at our retreats are always fun - icebreaker games, singing, and free time/games until all hours.

Saturday we started with breakfast and then sang some songs and went into our video speaker presentation (Liz Curtis Higgs) after which we did personal devotions. We regrouped for lunch and then free time - usually naps after Friday, but games as well, and as we were in a beautiful location with halfway decent February weather, some went for walks. Then came dinner, after which we broke into small groups for one more study. Then we had some personal testimonies, and singing. LOTS of singing. My voice, which was iffy at best Friday morning, completely quit by about 11:30 Saturday night - that last 'there's no God like Jehovah' did me in!

Sunday morning was breakfast and singing, devotional and communion. Then we packed and skedaddled.

Sometimes, the ride home can be the most fun - our travel group of three vans wound up at a 'local' restaurant, where we found three other van loads! Lots of fun!

We studied Liz Curtis Higgs' Bad Girls of the Bible this year, and it seemed to go over well! I believe that based on the response we had at the retreat that we'll be doing the book as a Sunday School class.

I do have to admit that I felt a bit disconnected this year - I'm not sure why. I didn't feel like I could get as deep into my studies or relationships this weekend. I don't know if it was the headaches I suffered from ALL weekend, or the fact that I was really concerned if people would be getting anything out of the studies/weekend, or that I hadn't been sleeping and it was really catching up to me...I don't know...

Regardless, it was good to get home and see my kiddos and DH and dawg. Of course, this morning my elder gets up and reminds me he needs 25 treats of some sort for his 'half-birthday' - ugh! Please! Half-birthday?!?! Why does the teacher think I had kids in the summer in the first place?!? Fortunately (for me, anyway), younger DS's half birthday happens to fall during Christmas break! Mwahaha!

So off I trudge to the store looking for treats. You know what? 25 is not the common number in which cupcakes are sold. Fortunately, I had a sympathetic bakery who threw in an extra cupcake at no charge. But I drew the line at beverages! Just call me the half-birthday scrooge! lol!

Wow

My DH came to me last night and asked for prayers. This may not seem like a big deal to some, but this doesn't happen often. So I sat quietly and listed attentively, while at the same time, I'm jumping for joy inside. He let me know that he has some hard tasks to take care of in the next couple of days and that he needs prayers that things would well. I guess there's good news and bad news here: good that he's asking for prayers, not so good for the things he needs to do. But, I've decided to look at the bad stuff as an opportunity for God to show His power.

The retreat is tomorrow! Darn work is really interfering with the stuff I need to get done...

Next on my list of things I believe/know is that my family loves me. My DH and kids are so wonderful and I'm incredibly blessed. There are some people in my hometown family who are solid as rocks and on my side - and they more than make up for the ones that aren't.

Thank You Lord for my family. Lord, please be with my husband over the next couple of days. Extend Your grace to him as he humbles himself. Please let things work according to Your will and plan. Be with the women at the retreat this weekend. Let us draw close to You and experience Your power.

prayer

Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now
There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniel's den
And I have asked You once or twice if You would part the sea again
But tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky
Just want to know You're gonna hold me if I start to cry
Oh, great God, be small enought to hear me now

Oh, great God, be close enough to feel You now
There have been moments when I could not face Goliath on my own
And how could I forget we've marched around our share of Jerichos
But I will not be setting out a fleece for You tonight
Just want to know that everything will be alright
Oh, great God, be close enought to feel You now

All praise and all honor be
To the God of ancient mysteries
Whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history
But tonight my heart is heavy
And I cannot keep from whispering this prayer
"Are You There?"

And I know You could leave writing on the wall that's just for me
Or send wisdom while I'm sleeping, like in Solomon's sweet dreams
But I don't need the strength of Samson or a chariot in the end
Just want to know that You still know how many hairs are on my head
Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now.
-Nichole Nordeman

Blessings...

Well, another day at work...sigh. But on the bright side, another day closer to the retreat! Woo hoo!

Hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day - and for my single friends - Happy Ferris Wheel Day!

Next on the list of things of which I'm certain...God has blessed me beyond measure. He has given me life. He has given me a wonderful husband and children. He has given me a great measure of health. My church family is out of this world. I have a job, for which I'm grateful. He is constantly providing for me and my family. He's given me talents which I am still discovering through the kind words of others. Even the fact that the sun rose this morning and I could enjoy it is from Him. How marvelous! And it goes on...

Twu Wuv

Saturday, my DH was involved in the planning and execution of the second annual men's ministry Valentine's dinner. Last year, it was a surprise for the wives - which I think they pulled off admirably. This year, we had some new blood in the kitchen (no - no one got hurt!) and although the smoke alarm kept sounding, I think a good time was had by all. DH was called in for overtime and we didn't think he'd be able to make it, but at the last minute, he managed to squeeze a few hours out of work to come help with the preparation and dinner.

I think part of my problem in blog-land is that I read everyone else's before I work on mine - and I think I get intimidated by all those deep thoughts out there: all those rationalizations, and homilies on apologetics and hermaneutics and other 'ics' of which I know only enough to scramble my poor widdle bwain...but let's start with the basics of what I believe.

I believe that there is a Creator who loves me. He has devoted Himself to me and to prove it, He sent a part of Himself to die a terrible, horrible, torturous death. For me. So He and I could be together forever.

Overwhelming! Amazing! Who am I? Why me? What did I do to deserve such sacrifice? How could I ever repay Him?

This, then, is what love is all about.

Hmmm...

I was recently challenged to discover what I believe. About everything. This challenge has been reinforced by some of the topics on some of my regular blog readings. So. I guess I ask for your indulgence for awhile as I discover what the heck makes me tick.

It's ALIVE!!

Well, mostly alive anyway...

I checked out of work last Thursday. The niggling pain in my throat turned into a full blown assault on my entire system. Not pretty. DH was firmly convinced that I started my annual bout of pneumonia early this year, and I have to admit that Saturday I was ready to agree with him. But I'm feeling a bit better today. It's amazing how much work can pile up from being gone just one day. But I'm finally officially caught up! Hooray!

So not much has really been going on that I've been conscious of anyway. I know people came to our house to watch the Super Bowl Sunday evening, and I was really looking forward to it! However, one of our guests said he'd be late, and as he recently had two bouts of major hip surgery, I wanted to make sure he was able to navigate our treacherous front steps. So I remained upstairs while the party headed down to the cave.

Sunday after church the Women's Ministry Group finalized (if I may use that term loosely) the ladies' retreat. I think (hope and pray) that it will be a good time!

Have a pleasant day!

**this space for rent**

Today is not going to be a great day - I can already tell. The cold that's been threatening since early December has hit full-force today. So I feel like dookie. And on top of that, I discovered today that part of my job can, and has been done by an eleven year old. Ouch! Sorry I'm such a downer today!

Lord, help! I'm at a really low point today. I realize my problems aren't that huge in the scale of world events, but I don't feel like I can even lift my head to praise You. Grant me Your patience today. Let me see You. Help me get over and outside of myself today and focus on others. Let me be an encouragement to someone.

My turn

Not so much great news on the new job front...(oooh - my English degree is rolling in its frame!) Looks like it may be a bust - the current person in the position may have botched up the job so badly that management will be sorting and revamping for awhile before offering it to someone new. Shame, 'cuz I can botch with the best of 'em - just ask my boss!

Anyhoo~started working on music for the retreat in earnest, and it seems to be coming together pretty well. I'm always amazed when a plan comes together!