Truly random...!

Note to self - do NOT listen to Gilbert O'Sullivan first thing in the morning if you want to have a bright, cheery, Mr Rogers kinda day!

Happy New Year!

Ethics query

I think I know the answer to this, but am interested in your thoughts. My DH and I have really been trying to be good - financially speaking - very tough area for us. Well, we really needed a break recently. Circumstances such as they are, we caught one and were very happy. Here's the problem: the break came about through someone else's, well, I don't want to say 'error' exactly, but it definitely worked out in our favor. We went into the situation with the best of intentions, explained what we needed and wanted to accomplish, yada yada, and it happened. So. Is this God answering prayer and giving us a break? Or should we be riddled with guilt over not bringing the situation to someone's attention? Actually, we did double check on the situation - just to make sure we had our ducks in a row. The powers that be confirmed what we thought had happened. Said powers had all the information in front of them, and still confirmed things in our favor. Like I said, I pretty sure I know the answer to this one, but just want some feedback - how do you know when circumstances are truly from God?

I'm just full of questions today - we've been invited to a surprise vow renewal this weekend (how he's going to pull this off I gotta see!) - should we take a gift?

Thanks for the comment on yesterday's blog, DJG. I tend to agree with you. I don't think the faking thing would work out very well. I think my grandmother would be pretty suspicious that a 13 year estrangement is resolved in a weekend...

I'm just feeling like I'm kind of out of it right now. Satan's not doing anything grandiose or overt, but just these little nips - like a pirhana nibbling on my ankles...and the shore is just out of reach.

Dilemma

Hope your Christmas was as nice as ours! We did all our regular traditions - no gifts under the tree until Christmas eve night, read Luke 2, bake a birthday cake Christmas day, watch Christmas movies, etc.

DH told my DS2 about Santa this year. No one but me believes anymore! :( But it did make things a lot easier for us elves!

We went to see The Polar Express tonight - utterly charming! Great story, wonderful graphics - four thumbs waaaaay up!

So here's the dilemma - open for your comments, suggestions, prayers...

When my grandmother was here last weekend, she asked me if there was any hope at all for a relationship between my mother and me. I know this is weighing so heavily on her, and I know she wants some resolution before she dies - which, please God, won't be anytime soon. So should I approach my mother and ask her if she can 'fake' a relationship with me and mine for the next few years for my grandmother's sake? I hate the idea of putting my kids through such an ordeal - not to mention my own sanity! I don't think it's feasible, but would be willing to try it I guess. (Yeah, that sounds convincing!) I don't know. Maybe during the course of a 'faked' relationship, she'd realize that my family isn't so bad, and it might become genuine. (Whoo boy! Eggnog must be workin' on me big time!) Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated...

Blugs!

whoosh

As I was running out (again!) last night to get stuff to finish the kids gifts for their teachers (side note - bad idea to give an 8 year old a glass ornament to take to school - FYI! - what was I thinking?!?!) I had a sudden sense of inspiration and deep, meaningful, rational thought. Something, I must admit, has been sorely lacking for me lately. I thought 'I really need to blog about this!' Great - topic for today is covered!

So. Here I sit. Listening to the wind rush about my ears. The same wind that blew every deep, meaningful, rational, bloggable thought right outta my head. All gone. Empty, echoing cranial cavern. Just sittin' there on top of my neck.

Tonight I'm taking the kiddos out to do Christmas shopping for Dad. Need something for Grammy and then I think I'm done. Whew! We've made our plans for the weekend, and then the relaxing can begin...

Have a joyous Christmas, blog family - blugs!

The crush begins

It never fails. Every year, one of my resolutions is to be ready for Christmas - shopping, planning, etc - by Halloween. Have I ever done it? No way. Ever been close? Yeah, right! Is this year ANY different? Well, kind of.

I found a website that promised a Christmas that was stress-free. 'Could it be?!' I thought. Well, apparently it could - just not for me! Those who followed the suggested plans are at this very moment relaxing and watching the rest of us scrambling. Although I have enjoyed the ideas and plans, the cosmic forces have decreed that I will never be organized for the holidays. Ever. Don't even bother trying, 'cuz it ain't gonna happen. As a matter of fact, the plans only made me realize how far behind I truly am. All my focus had been getting to and through the recital, and now I realize that it's four days before Christmas, and I have bought no gifts. None. Ugh. I realize that gifts, etc, are not why I celebrate, and I've truly been trying to keep focus on Christ and the miracle of His arrival to this sinful place. But sometimes it's hard to do with younger kids in the house.

On to happier things. It was 11 years ago today that we found out we were expecting DS1. What a Christmas gift! We were so excited! Full of hopes and plans for our little someone. And he's turned out better than we could have hoped! Sweet, caring, loving, with a dash of spunk to keep things interesting...

Wrigley has been so good! He's starting to warm up to us more and more. He has been so sweet! We're just waiting for him to start feeling comfortable enough to play more. The only problem we had was when he left my DH a 'yule log' by the Christmas tree yesterday, and 'inaugurated' the entertainment center. We're not sure exactly why that happened, but he's not done anything else bad. Tomorrow is the true test.

It's over!

Yessss! The recital is over! DS2 did a great job on 'Jolly Old St Nicholas' and I'm not just saying that! As for the PT and me, well, I think we did a pretty good job too! What a blessing to be allowed to sing with these marvelous, talented people!

I got to our warm up session a few minutes late, and I couldn't find anyone - I mean how can you lose ten people in one room?!? So, I'm trying to decide where to start looking, when I hear the most beautiful group of voices start singing. WOW!!! Gave me chills!!

I was so excited my grandmother was able to make the trip to hear us sing and hear DS2 play. She was unable to make it to the spring recital.

Our dog is doing fine. He's a little unsure still, but I actually got a wagging tail yesterday! Of course, the little buggar also took off running...grrr.

Now onto that whole holiday thing...:)

The End is Near

The end of a very busy week, that is! Tonight the elder DS has a surprise b-day party to attend, while I, once again, will be waitin'. For the laundry. To finish. Yup. Hopefully, I'll be able to rest a bit more and shake this congestion thing...

DH is heading out tomorrow to pick up our soon-to-be-spoiled new family member. Can't wait! I know I've completely turned around from my earlier dog feelings, but this seems right. His foster mom says she's having a hard time telling him goodbye.

Last night was such a good time! The fellowship, the fun - truly a great evening!

Thank you for all your kind comments and encouragement about this weekend, not too mention your hard work, PT! It's almost over, gang!

Sorry

I apologize for being such a whiner yesterday! I suddenly became my least favorite type of person!

Tonight is our Christmas banquet at church, and I'm really looking forward to it! We haven't gone for the last few years, but I really felt I wanted to reconnect with my 'family' this year. I've missed not being there!

Tonight is also our in home visit - the final step to getting Wrigley to come live with us! So, we were getting our house ready. Looks pretty good, if I do say so myself! Hopefully, our 'inspector' will think that too!

Things are quiet today at work. Two out of three bosses won't be here today, and the third is not really a stickler for rules, so it should be pretty relaxing around here today - which will be a nice change after the last couple of weeks!

Lord, help me to be focused and efficient today. Let me get done the things that need to be done. Help us to relax and enjoy the banquet tonight. Let us recharge by being with the body.

Ugh

I'm having one of those days. I'm tired and don't feel well - which fills me with trepidation for Sunday - so I didn't get as much accomplished last night as I had hoped and expected. So I'm taking tonight off to rest - which makes me unhappy to miss the last practice before the recital - but I just don't think I can do it!

I'm stressed because of my busy week - who isn't busy this time of year?! And someone said something to me today that really hacked me off. I just keep stewing on it - worrying it like a dog on a bone. And it's just making me madder...

I have so much to be thankful for, but I keep focusing on the yuck stuff. I hate these moods!!

Lord, help! I need Your peace and Your healing. Help me not be the way I'm feeling right now. I'm frustrated with everything and with my reaction to everything. I want to focus on You, to glorify and praise You. I want Presence more than presents.

We're expecting...

a new family member - hopefully by this time next week! We met with 'our' dog and his 'foster mom' this weekend - and it went really well! We're just waiting for the in-home visit to make sure we're not going to perform some sort of medical experiments on him and he'll be ours!

It's been really kind of weird knowing that someone is blatantly and overtly going to judge you. I know people do it all the time, but they don't necessarily tell you that's what they're doing. 'Hi, I'm Susie, and I'll be judging you tonight!'

Anyway. Had a good session with my voice coach Friday. She really likes 'So Are You To Me' but wasn't all that impressed with 'Hallowed' - of course, it doesn't quite sound the same without the entire group! Only one week, and all this madness will be done! We did some of the recital songs during worship today, and I think they went over pretty well - in spite of my missing a couple of notes - oh, and being scared witless!

So, it's Sunday night and I'm waiting for the laundry to finish. Yup. Just waitin'. For the laundry. To finish. Yup.

Good night and God bless! Yup.

I was killing time at work today (much as I am presently) and went back and read through some of my favorite bloggers blogs from the git-go, as it were. It was neat to see the way some prayers were answered, the encouragement that came from our little blog family, the struggles and the triumphs. Wow - whodathunkit?

And speaking of work, the check-sigining-name-on-the-letterhead-boss actually said 'hi' to me and smiled! Woo hoo! Doin' the happy dance...

Yes, I can see the time. Yes, I realize it's after 1am. Yes, I have to go to work in a few hours. Not as soon as DH, but soon enough.

We went and got our trees tonight. Yes, I said 'trees.' I've been a member of a Christmas forum since late summer, and I was always amazed at these people who have trees in every room. One woman even has one in her garage! Well, we haven't quite gone that loopy yet, but each of the boys has one in their room, there's the main one in the LR, 3 tiny ones in the bathroom, a small one in the kitchen, and DH got one for his cave ("where everything has a remote and the scented candles have a purpose" - his words - not mine!) So that basically leaves my office and the master bedroom with no holiday spirit. And to be honest, I'm okay with that!

We were looking through some of his mom's old photo albums tonight, looking for a picture of him when he was younger. Some of his coworkers had been bringing in yearbooks, etc, and they all wanted to see him, well, with hair. My mother in law saved some of the oddest things in her photo albums. I wonder what weird things people will find in my stuff.

Okay, so I'm now kind of blathering. I know I need to sleep - especially with the dizziness that plagued me all day, and that weird feeling I had in my throat (of course that could have been damage from when I was gently chastising my children yesterday - gently, but at the top of my lungs...whatever works)

Alright, you've convinced me - off to bed! Blugs (luv that!) to all!

We had practice for the recital last night. I'm still amazed that these wonderful and talented people have agreed to help me out and sing with me! I am so incredibly blessed to be a part of this group and this church!

I woke up feeling pretty yucky this morning - mostly dizzy. Nothing too weird I'm sure, but it concerns me - maybe I'm just more tired than I realized.

Sounds like we're going to meet our newest possible family member Saturday. I'm actually getting excited about it!

At practice, JL asked those of us who blog what we have to blog about. Well, today, not a whole lot!

Thank You Father for my church family - for their love and acceptance and willingness to serve. They are truly one of the treasures in my life. Lord, please keep me and mine healthy through the holidays. Help us to be truly grateful, and to focus on the gift You have given us so unselfishly.

I'm not sure I want a dog...then I saw a picture of Burr...(cue angelic singing)...what a sweetie!!!

Okay, maybe a dog wouldn't be so bad...

Going to the dogs

So my DH decides that he wants a puppy for Christmas. Ugh. He sees the fun part - I can only see the similarities to having another infant in the house. A creature that eats and leaves messes on the carpet and in the yard and has to go to the doctor all the time, and the only reward is a chewed up shoe full of puppy spit. Actually, it's not that bad, and I really do love dogs. I had two when I was growing up, and adored them. But we've tried the whole dog thing before, and it wasn't a good thing. So, now we're looking at rescued dogs. I'm much happier with that idea, especially since they are usually out of the puppy stage. We're looking at Brittany Spaniels - he's been to the rescue site and has found a couple of possibilities. The boys are so excited! I'm working on it...

Last night, my DH and I were talking about how great our kids are, and how proud of them we are. I should have known. This morning, DS2 looked me in the eye (sort of) and lied. Not much I hate worse than being lied to. So, no TV for a week - which will be a hardship for him.

And now, the fixing begins. The client sent the dox we need to fix their accounts. However, I am not assisting in the whole process. Which I guess is okay. I just feel bad for my office manager. I cleared my desk of work for today in anticipation for the big fix and now I have to look busy the rest of the day...

Angry boss redux

Okay, so boss #2 comes in. (He's the one that actually signs the checks...) And no fire was shooting from his eyes or anywhere else. So that was good. He actually didn't even speak to me - which I'm not sure exactly how to take. But it went better than I thought it would. My office manager - bless her! - had my back again, and fortunately for me - not so fortunate for a coworker - bad things kinda went his way.

But, I still think I'm going to continue my search for something different. The stress here is unbearable at times. I'll keep praying...

So far so good...

...although the first question the boss asked when he came in this morning was 'how many definitions of the word 'fire' can you all come up with?'

He doesn't think it's as big a problem as he did Friday. But there's still a problem. Fortunately, my former office manager and my current one both have stuck up for me. But I still don't know what the other boss thinks - he probably still thinks I've cost him tens of thousands of dollars and will come in here tomorrow breathing fire...ugh.

Ch-ch-ch-changes?

Well, DH is doing just fine - nothing major with his work injury, thank the Lord! He's back to full mobility and ready for work.

On my work side - well - as some of you know - mmm, not so good. I'll find out tomorrow if a major error that I've committed while pleading the Nuremburg defense (Just doing what I was told to do!) will cost the boss mucho money, a client, and cost me my job. Nothing like a little holiday stress. DH is not worried - which is very helpful. Of course, he doesn't necessarily want me to stay in this job anyway. I'll probably be putting out feelers for other positions just in case. I've asked God to tell me if this is where He wants me to be, and if not then a) let me know clearly, and b) make another opportunity present itself with the stuff we need. I have pretty much spent this weekend in denial and isolation.

We had what I thought was a great practice today for the recital - which is approaching in a terrifyingly fast manner. It was so great to be able to sing and praise with brothers and sisters. And to sound halfway decent while doing it!

The children's Christmas program was tonight at church. How sweet! Although I have to admit, I think I identified more with Halo and Harpo than Michael and Gabriel (the old fuddy-duddys!) I admire so much all the talented people who helped make the program such a success!

Lord, You know my needs. I take refuge under Your wings. Help me to be humble at work, and let my employers be merciful and understanding. Let me feel You beside me as I go through this stuff, and show me where You want me to be.

Late Thanksgiving...

It was a very grateful family that sat together and watched 'Rudolph' last night. I got the call every wife dreads. My DH was hurt on the job yesterday at a scene. He jokingly called himself a 'casualty.' What an odd word - I find nothing casual about it at all! He's actually fine, but he had to leave work and will be off for awhile. They were at a fire scene and he went through the floor. He's a little stiff today and his hip hurts, but other than that, he's fine physically. He had a hard time getting to sleep last night though, because he kept 'falling' again as he drifted off.

Thank You, Lord that he's safe! And thank You for the reminder of the brevity of life and the risks associated with his career. We'd become complacent and this was a wake up call for us. Please let him heal quickly.

Flakes Welcome

Just for fun... www.snowflakes.lookandfeel.com ...definitely something I enjoy when I should be doing something more productive! (Not sure this address will actually link to anything or take you anywhere - I'm very much techno challenged!)

Getcher motor runnin...

Spiderman 2 comes out today! Spiderman 2 comes out today! Woohoo!

Okay. I'm done now. Thank you for your kind indulgence.

Today, I saw car exactly like one we test drove a few months ago. The dealership allowed us a weekend to drive the car and see if we liked it - even tho' they knew we weren't going to purchase the car. (Gotta love small town dealerships!) Anyway, DH was digging this car in a big way! The last day of our test drive, we decided to head out on the highway. So we packed the kiddos into the backseat, and off we went. Well, my younger son tends to be a bit of a hypochondriac, so I didn't think much of his sore stomach complaint. Well, as we were heading to a city around 45 miles away, commenting on how much we both really liked the car, I heard something wet in the back seat. Yup. You guessed. Younger son hurled, ralphed, blew chow - whatever you want to call it! In the car. That wasn't ours. Ugh.

We quickly pulled into the nearest rest stop, and I ran into the restroom to get paper towels for a quickie cleanup. Wouldn't you know it - all air dryers! Aargh! So, I'm in one of the stalls - laughing hysterically at the absurdity of the situation (not that my son has thrown up, you understand!) - trying to pull enoughtoilet paper off the roll to make any sort of difference, and of course, it's all one-ply, and the rolls won't turn! I get as much as I can and rush back out to the car to find that a janitor has taken pity on us and brought out some paper towels to my DH - who strangely enough, was not laughing hysterically at the absurdity of the situation. We cleaned DS as well as we could and headed back home. DS was promptly installed in bed, while DH worked on the upholstery in the car. Fortunately, it was leather and cleaned up pretty well. He managed to get the carpet and seat belt fairly clean as well. DS recovered very quickly, but I don't think he'll ever live this one down.

DH then headed out on the highway alone.

So, I have to giggle a bit when I see one of these cars...wondering...

Thanksgiving

The praise team sang an old standard during the Lord's supper this morning that had me back in the 70's. My mother was in a singing group with our church and this particular song was one of their staples. She would haul me along with some of the other kids and we'd go to various retirement homes, etc. I can still remember the debates over their outfits. Keep in mind - this was the 70's! And not a few of the female members of the group were pregnant. So. For winter, the ladies wore long red polyester dresses over white turtlenecks, while the guys wore dark blue *gulp* leisure suits with white stitching, white belts and white shoes. (Ack!) For spring and summer, the ladies wore long pastel gingham (groan) and lace dresses, while those poor men wore pastel leisure suits with the white shoes and belts. Ugh! I couldn't help grinning during the praise team's very well done rendition of the song today. I just couldn't picture our PT leader in one of those leisure suits! George...maybe... (just kidding George!)

So Thanksgiving was good. With one exception. We went to my husband's brother's house Saturday for T-giving dinner, and his mother called my DH and me aside to let us know she needed some help in the next couple of days getting back and forth to the doctor because she had found a lump. But she didn't want to tell anyone else yet in case it turned out to be nothing. So my poor DH and I are struggling to remain festive throughout the rest of the evening. Gives new meaning to 'put on a happy face...'

Anyway, back to work tomorrow. When's the next long weekend again?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sorry I've been out of touch for awhile. My younger DS has been running a fever since Friday. But he's back at school today! Yay!

I appreciate your comment, Skip. I thought worship went well too. However, it was my first time up front since the conversation with my 'friend,' and I have to admit, I really struggled to keep my focus on why I was there, instead of worrying about how the people who are also close to this person feel about me. It was extremely difficult to keep my head and heart where I needed them to be. I couldn't even look at these people, because I kept imagining they were giving me dirty looks or whatever. I know it was Satan weirding me out, but it was so hard!

I asked a dear friend if we could get together and talk soon. She's been terribly busy and I feel like we've not seen one another for years! She said we could, but it wouldn't be for another couple of weeks. *sigh*

I guess things are going better for my husband at work. The project he is supposed to be doing is a 'go' but there's still tension.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Midweek Musings

Wednesday again. Things are on a somewhat more even keel for the moment at least. My 'friend' from August/last week's drama has not called back as she vowed she would. So I guess that chapter is closed.

The wedding Saturday was beautiful! The bride looked like a fairy princess! It was such a sweet, simple ceremony, and it was so genuine! I'm so happy for her and her new hubby! It was impossible NOT to see their faith!

Sunday, my younger DS and I went to see my grandmother. She had cooked a veritible feast, and I felt so bad that it was just the two of us, instead of the four of us! But we had a great time. I got to hear about all the trials and tribulations of my cousins and aunts.

I got a package today in the mail at work. Very curious, since I hadn't ordered anything. I opened this little box and found a wrapped gift inside, with a thank you card from one of my attorney vendors. And inside the wrapped gift was a box from Malley's Chocolates - yummm!
Made my day, lemme tell ya! Even better when I discovered that none of my coworkers like English toffee. Rapture! So I'm savoring each little square...

Friday

Friday! Finally!! Yesterday was kind of rough here at work. Some of my responsibilities were removed from my 'realm.' This will eventually work out as a good thing, but it still kind of stings. I'm struggling with bitterness and, yes, a little bit of anger over the situation. One of my co-workers has been 'keeping tabs' (please read 'spying') on the work I've been doing, and while it was good work (which even he can't deny!) , I still managed to get it taken away - albeit very gently. It will be going toward the betterment of the company as a whole, so I just need to deal and not take it so doggone personally! (deep inhale...and exhale...)

Okay.

I'm going to my friend's wedding tomorrow. And I'm taking the kiddos. This will be interesting. Long drive, and then end up at a long boring thing where they kiss at the end - ewwww! Sorry kids! Anyway, she's a dear friend, and she's absolutely over the moon for this guy! She has grown so amazingly in the Lord since I've known her and I'm so happy for them both!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Toughie (Aug 25) Redux

If you'll recall the above-mentioned post, (like anyone pays that close of attention to my humble little blog!) I was dealing with my feelings about a particular situation with a friend. Well, I called said friend today. Actually, I ambushed her in a way. She was certainly not expecting me to call! We hashed out quite a few things, tears were shed, apologies were exchanged. However, she isn't sure she wants to resume the friendship. And, frankly, I'm okay with whatever her decision will be. I understand, and admitted, that I haven't been a great friend to her. She brought up some things that she had every right to be upset about. Now it seems she doesn't know whether to trust the person to whom she's been listening to about me, or, well...me. And I'm struggling with this third party as well. Evidently this person passed on some overheard comments that really hurt my friend. I apologized for whatever it was I may have said.

A weight of sorts has been lifted, and I know I've done what I needed to do, and more importantly what my Father wanted me to do. So whatever the outcome, I'm good.

Now. About my mother...

Lord, thank You for my friends openness with me. I asked her to forgive me and I ask the same of You. Forgive the hurtful things I may have said, the things I thought in my heart, and my poor attitude. Forgive the way I resisted resolving this situation for so long. If it is Your will that this relationship be rekindled, then so be it, but if not, then help us to both be okay with that too.

Old 'friends'

I got an email from an old childhood friend today. We'd kind of lost touch due to a number of circumstances, not the least of which is starting our own families. We kind of inherited one another as 'best friends' as our mothers were best friends growing up, and my friend and I were born only a month apart. The ironic thing is, we both live in the same town! Go figure! I initiated our last contact a number of years ago, and even then, after resolving we wouldn't, we still lost touch. It's just kind of weird, you know. Hearing from her brings back all those feelings of being a child again - and all the insecurities as well as joy that come along with that. It's hard to describe. Anyway, it was great to hear from her. She was asking about the idea of going to our high school reunion, and whether I would be going. I kinda doubt it. I'm not keen on going to an event where I know my husband would not be welcome. Besides, I wasn't real crazy about a lot of those people then, so I'm not sure I would like them any better now. I know that' probably not fair, but I can't seem to get out of that mindset that we're all still 18, and that no one has changed. All the cliques and petty arguments that were so monumental in high school...

So anyway. Our women's ministry group held their annual craft, gift and service auction last night. It was a rousing success! Half of the funds are used to help support a battered womens shelter here in town, and the other half to fund the womens ministry group. It's a fun evening with fellowship with sisters and guests, good food, and bidding for bargains! The coordinator this year was so stressed about the success of the evening. I did my best to encourage her, because I was the coordinator last year so I know exactly what she was going through. She needn't have worried. The women at our church are so generous when purchasing. The merchants in our area have been great supporters as well.

An update on my DH's work situation: he received good news! And we both thank you for your prayers on our behalf.

Lord, You are awesome and mighty! There is none like You! Your grace and love and patience are without measure. Your mighty hand is without equal. Thank You.

Stuff

I'm so proud of myself - I finished addressing my Christmas cards this week! One thing down - twenty million to go!

I was looking so forward to a voice lesson tonight, but my coach called and had to reschedule. :( The recital and stuff is coming up frighteningly fast!

Well, so far nothing has happened regarding my husband's job and possible repercussions for his position on an issue. Let's hope that continues!

Things are going well, and I hate the fact that I feel nervous waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Lord, please help me enjoy Your blessings, and this time of relative ease. Thank You for all that You've done for me and mine. You are awesome.

Work woes

My husband is facing some difficult times at work, and we covet your prayers. Pray that the situations in question will be resolved quickly, and in accordance with God's will, and that my husband and the other faithful will be beacons. It's going to be very sticky, very soon. Thank you.

Fly away home

Last night I was watching the World Series (Go anyone-but-the-Cards-unless-it's-the-Yankees!) and watching one of those little Japanese beetles flying around in the living room. Ugh! I really hate them in the house! But have you ever watched one of them flying? They fly around in little spirals, and bash themselves against the ceiling and walls over and over again, looking for somewhere warm and safe to rest. When they finally find somewhere, they look so content and still.

I happened to find a lot of analogies for my day to day life - flying around in circles, bashing my will against God's, never able to get where I want to be, which is somewhere warm and safe and peaceful - and it seems whenever I get close to that idyllic place, someone comes after me with a rolled-up newspaper! I learned alot about myself from that little ladybug-esque critter.

But I still don't like them in my house!

Thank You, Lord, for teaching me lessons in unexpected places!

Mushy Stuff

Well, the whirlwind romance of the century is done. My elder got into the car after school yesterday and informed me that his girlfriend had told him she didn't like him anymore and already had a new boyfriend. Then he started to cry. *gulp* I tried to be encouraging and sympathetic, while telling him that he's only 10, and girls at this age don't always know what they want and she certainly didn't know what she was missing. I told him that God has someone in mind for him even now and was preparing her just for him, and that I had been praying for that little girl to be the best she could be for him. That cheered him up considerably. Then little bro got in the car, was informed of the news and - horrors - smirked! I just kept wondering how I was going to explain the bloodletting that was sure to occur in my back seat! Actually, they both calmed down and little bro was very supportive. Later that evening, they got scolded for fighting, and I nearly sent them to bed, but the elder came out and pleaded his case by saying it was the worst day of his life and now I was yelling at him on top of it all. Sheesh! Call me a wimp, but I couldn't handle that kind of pressure!

I seem to be having more trouble with my teeth this week. I ask for prayers for courage - I have a MAJOR dentist phobia - because I fear I may actually have to see one. Think I could get some painkillers before I make the appointment?

Refreshing

I had such a wonderful weekend with my friend Diane! She was so encouraging! We had lunch together with another sister Saturday, which was great, but I didn't feel like I could really TALK to Diane with someone else there. But she came back by Sunday afternoon so we could go see my DH who was working, and we had a chance to talk then. I had always considered her quite a bit older than myself, but we were comparing notes and were reminded that we're closer in age than we thought. I guess because she's older in the faith than I am, and her husband is older, and her kids are older than mine, we just kinda thought there was more of a gap than there is. It really made me feel good when she told me how glad she was that I was able to make time for her. (!)

Worship on Sunday was great! The singing was fun - I was filling in - and the message was good. What a time of refreshment!

Now, thoughts are turning toward Halloween and costumes and candy, and then to the rest of the holiday season. I'm feeling woefully behind in my Christmas crafting and planning, but I guess if I feel that way, I'm already further ahead than at this time last year!

Lord, thank You so much for the time of refreshing I had this weekend! You always know what I need and when I need it - something that is so amazing to me! Thank You for Diane and her family and their friendship. Help me to be that kind of friend.

Friends Forever

Seem to be having a little trouble publishing today - let's try that again!

I have a dear friend coming to town this weekend. She and her husband were my 'adopted parents' when I was in college. They graciously opened their home to me when I was between engagement and marriage, and didn't have enough time to sign a lease between the two. She filled the role normally played by the mother of the bride (let's not go there!) at my wedding while her eldest son was our ring bearer (he was very disappointed there were no antler involved in the job of 'reindeer') and her husband walked me down the aisle. They moved within weeks of the birth of my second child, so it's been awhile since we've been able to get together.

Well, she called me last night to find out when we could get together. I was excited, because I had heard she had a very busy schedule this weekend, and was only expecting to see her Sunday at church. She explained her schedule and we made plans. She also asked me to let other people know that she would be available AFTER our visit. I felt so important!

Which got me thinking - how often do I make time like that for a visit with God? Shouldn't He feel at LEAST as important as she made me feel?

Chilly

My grandmother recently gave me a flower garden quilt. She had pieced the flowers over a number of years when the kids were very young, during moves to different states, etc. The flowers are made of delightfully old-fashioned fabrics saved from her mother and father's worn clothing, her and my grandfather's old shirts and dresses, and even bits from my mom and aunt's baby dresses. The flowers were recently put together as a couple of smaller baby quilts for the new babies in the family, and one larger quilt that for some reason came to me (I LOVE being the golden child!) It was the first time I really considered using the quilt, and I was torn - do I actually USE it or store it away, preserving it for the future? I think you see where I might be heading here. Do I actually USE my faith/gifts/prayers - whatever, or do I store it away, to save until I might actually need them for some emergency?

We used the quilt. And it was great!

Thursday

I just found out that two of my cousins had children this month. Two little girls. I know they're thrilled, and I'm so happy for them. All of the 'grandkids' now have children and have been or currently are married. My grammy done good. She's over the moon with the news of two new great granddaughters!

I'm starting to get nervous about my recital in December. Christmas and the recital, not to mention Halloween, Thanksgiving, etc is coming up way too fast! Although I'm planning better for Christmas, time is still slipping away...only 72 days or so until Christmas!

As far as the family goes, well, we're muddling through. The boys are doing a little better in school, and they're playing together much better. Whew! My elder DS Sunday school teacher stopped me Sunday and told me how well he's doing. He's got a tender heart and really wants to do right, and his teacher is so proud of him. Me too. My elder came home yesterday to tell me that he has a girlfriend. "And her favorite color is blue, and her favorite animal is a leopard, and her favorite state is Maryland 'cuz that's where she's from, and she wants me to wear blue tomorrow." Um...okay! (It's waaaay too soon for all this!)

The slug file

Good morning! Days like today and yesterday have got to be my favorites - weatherwise, anyway. Chill in the air, soft autumn rain falling - perfect for snuggling on the couch with some 'trauma tea' and a good long book. And then there's work. Oh well...

I was trying to think of something deep and spiritual and clever to say today - something that would reflect my current state of being or of worship and study. I've come to the conclusion that I'm a boring slug - nothing is happening - neither good nor bad. I've not uncovered some deep wonderful insight in my studies. The Lord has not recently revealed His glory to me in an earth-shattering manner. I'm maintaining. But, oh! I so want to go higher, deeper, MORE!

Lord, cover me in Your presence. Overwhelm me with Your glory. Let me draw closer to You. Help me remember You're with me today.

Blah, part 2

Back to the grindstone! Nothing like coming back to work after a week off and having a week's worth piled as high as an elephant's eye...but at least they appreciate me a bit more now!

Anyway, as to my earlier mentioned funk...still kinda there, but not quite as bad. I've not been sleeping well, and it's definitely catching up to me. I sang with the praise team yesterday, and we did 'Be Still and Know' and the new Zoe song 'Still.' I clung to that mantra Saturday - only it was more like 'I'll try to be still and know...' It was difficult, but I'll keep trying.

My 2nd DS got into a fight at school last week. Gotta love those phone calls from the principal's office! Turns out he was defending another student who was getting picked on. So, the in-school suspension was deemed punishment enough. The intentions were right but the action was not. It's sorta getting through...sigh.

Anyway, on with the family loving/church serving/Christmas planning/housework/gift making/recital planning/auction working/...(not necessarily in that order, of course! ;)

Thank You, Lord, for all the precious blessings You have given me. Help me to find a way to sit still in Your presence.

Blah

In spite of this being my favorite time of the year, I'm feeling a little down today. I've been off from work this week, and that's been great, but I haven't felt the best. I couldn't sleep last night, and my husband was convinced something was seriously wrong. I don't know why - I mean, I was only sitting on the couch at 2AM ready to cry at the drop of a hat...go figure! So anyway, I've decided to get out of my funk and make tomorrow a great day. I'll let you know...

Truly Random...

It's very crisp and cool this morning here in the midwest. Just another sign of autumn's impending arrival. Last night, we had the doors and windows open and we heard some Canadian geese flying south. My DH and I just looked at each other and grinned. We both love autumn!

Had a great lesson with my voice coach last week. We actually got to work on one of the songs I'll be performing at the recital, and it went really well. I'm getting more excited, as well as more nervous. And it's only September! Yikes!

I'm taking next week off of work to hang out with my kiddos and DH (that and my sitter is off...) and I'm looking forward to it! My DH is going with DS1 on a field trip while I get the day truly off!

I dug out my fall - oops! Sorry, Skip! - autumn decorations last night. I'm so looking forward to autumn! I had to restrain myself from pulling them out MUCH earlier. I love autumn! Bright sunny days, cool crisp evenings, leaves putting on their best for one last hurrah...nothing like it!

Thank You for the beauty of Your creation, Lord - things You intended for our enjoyment. Open our eyes to see the love that went into Your creativity.

Candle Parable

A friend shared this with me a while ago, and it has really stuck with me.

There was a blackout one night. When the light went out, I fumbled to the closet where we keep the candles for nights like this...I lit four of them. I was turning to leave with the large candle in my hand when I heard a voice, "Now hold it right there!"

"Who said that?"

"I did." The voice was near my hand.

"Who are you? What are you?"

"I am a candle." I lifted up the candle to take a closer look. There was a tine face in the wax. "Don't take me out of here!" it said.

"What?"

"Don't take me out of this room."

"What do you mean? I have to take you out. You're a candle. Your job is to give light. It's dark out there."

"But you can't take me out. I'm not ready," the candle explained with pleading eyes. "I need more preparation."

I couldn't believe my ears. "More preparation?"

"Yeah, I've decided I need to research this job of light-giving, so I won't go out and make a bunch of mistakes. You'd be surprised how distorted the glow of an untrained candle can be."

"All right then," I said. "You're not the only candle on the shelf. I'll blow you out and take the others!"

But right then I heard other voices, "We aren't going either!" I turned to the other candles.

"You are candles and your job is to light dark places!"

"Well, that may be what you think," said the first one, "you think we have to go, but I'm busy...I'm meditating on the importance of light...It's really enlightening (no pun intended.)"

"And you other two," I asked, "are you going to stay too?" A short fat purple candle with plump cheeks spoke up.

"I'm waiting to get my life together, I'm not stable enough."

The last candle had a female voice, very pleasant to the ear. "I'd like to help," she explained, "but lighting is not my gift...I'm a singer. I sing to other candles to encourage them to burn more brightly."

She began a rendition of 'This Little Light of Mine.' The other three joined in, filling the closet with singing. I took a step back and considered the absurdity of it all. Four perfectly good candles singing to each other about light but refusing to come out of the closet.

Hmmmm...

Psalm 104

O Lord my God, you are very great; you are clothed with splendor and majesty. He wraps himself in light as with a garment; he stretches out the heavens like a tent and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters. He makes the clouds his chariot and rides on the wings of the wind. He makes winds his messengers, flames of fire his servants. He set the earth on its foundations; it can never be moved. You covered it with the deep as with a garment; the waters stood above the mountains. But at your rebuke the waters fled, at the sound of your thunder they took flight; they flowed over the mountains, they went down into the valleys, to the place you assigned for them. You set a boundary they cannot cross; never again will they cover the earth. He makes springs pour water into the ravines; it flows between the mountains. They give water to all the bests of the field; the wild donkeys quench their thirst. The birds of the air nest by the waters; they sing among the branches. He waters the mountains from his upper chambers; the earth is satisfied by the fruit of his work. he makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for man to cultivate-bringing forth food from the earth: wine that gladdens the heart of man, oil to make his face shine, and bread that sustains his heart. The trees of the Lord are well watered, the cedars of Lebanon that he planted. There the birds make their nests; the stork has its home in the pine trees. The high mountains belong to the wild goats; the crags are a refuge for the coneys. The moon marks off the seasons, and the sun knows when to go down. You bring darkness, it becomes night, and all the beasts of the forest prowl. The lions roar for their prey and seek their food from God. The sun rises, and they steal away; they return and lie down in their dens. Then man goes out to his work, to his labor until evening. How many are your works, O Lord! In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number-living things both large and small. There the ships go to and fro, and the leviathan, which you formed to frolic there. These all look to you to give them their food at the proper time. When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things. When you hide your face, they are terrified; when you take away their breath, they die and return to the dust. When you send your Spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the earth. May the glory of the Lord endure forever; may the Lord rejoice in his works-he who looks at the earth, and it trembles, who touches the mountains and they smoke. I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord. But may sinners vanish from the earth and the wicked be no more. praise the Lord, O my soul. Praise the Lord.

Odd inspiration

Sometimes, you find inspiration in the oddest places. My kids and I were watching cartoons this weekend - not my choice, by the way - and they were all excited to watch the new episode of 'Foster's Home for Imaginary Creatures.' My elder asked if I had ever seen this show, and assured me that I would like it because it was 'very creative.' Uh-huh. The premise of the show is that there is kind of a half-way house for imaginary friends that now need new homes. It's run by a teenager, her very elderly grandmother, and all these creatures. Well, in this episode, the teen and her friend were making a website to help get some of the creatures adopted. (There really is a point to all this!) So, the friend was doing some videotaped interviews of the creatures, when he happens to capture her grandmother's imaginary friend (a very proper English rabbit) doing a little chant and dance for the grandmother, as he had done for her when she was very young. Well, events unfold, and the rabbit learns he's been videotaped doing this little song and dance. He becomes irate and understandably embarrassed. He questions whose business is it if he wants to make a fool of himself 'in front of his creator.' Ah-ha - the point! And I have to admit this bothered me the rest of the weekend! I even promised myself that I wouldn't - absolutely would not - let this episode become a blog. Well, there ya go.

When was the last time I made a fool of myself for my Creator? When I just laid everything out in front of Him without caring what anyone else thought...

Happy Anniversary

Our anniversary is Sunday, and I can tell the flush of new love has kinda worn off for us. Not that we're any less in love, mind you. Just a bit more practical. My DH enjoys having some of the guys from church over on Sunday afternoons to watch football. I enjoy it as well. So, he took me to lunch the other day and I told him that he could do football this coming Sunday.
"You do realize what this Sunday is, right?", he asked.
"Uh, of course I do!"
"You're also assuming that I don't have something planned for our anniversary," he responded.
"Do you?"
"Well, no - but..."
Enough said.
I think the kids are more excited about our anniversary than we are. They're looking forward to our traditional anniversary dinner of fried chicken. DH and I also have traditional wine coolers. It was what we had our wedding night - it was a long day, and we hadn't eaten. Our best man and his wife gave us a basket of goodies including chilled wine coolers. When we got to our hotel, there was a KFC across the street. So. We spent the evening of our wedding day eating KFC, drinking wine coolers, going through our card box and watching Star Trek:TNG. Man, that sounds really pitiful! But it wasn't! We had a blast just relaxing after the stress of the day.

Thank You for my husband, Lord. Thank You for his heart, and his love for me, but most of all, his love for You.

'Mommy Dearest'

So, my mother retired recently. Her company gave a big fancy schmancy party for her. The whole family was invited to attend and even speak. I know because I saw the pictures. I was not invited. And I guess I'm feeling a little bitter. My mother hasn't voluntarily spoken to me in more than twelve years. Sometimes my heart just aches. Then there are times when I just want to cut off all relations and turn my back. I play the dutiful daughter and send cards on the appropriate holidays, but I'm not allowed to do anything else. I guess today it's bothering me more than usual. And I'm kind of in a funk, so it's not turning to depression or sadness, it's more like anger spiked with a more than a little bitterness. I don't want to feel this way. But my hands are tied. I don't feel that I can just sever the 'relationship' (and please read that with sarcasm!) but it's certainly not going anywhere.

Lord, thank You for not being swayed by our petty idiosyncrasies and tempers. Thank You for loving us with an everlasting love.

Selfish

I've been realizing recently how selfish I am. Not in a cranky, sleepy toddler kinda way, but a bit more subtly than that. I've noticed that I seem to have a lot of 'BC' thoughts when it comes to helping other people. I'm very disturbed by this discovery, as I've always thought of myself as a very generous and giving person.

For example, a family in my neighborhood recently lost their home in a fire. And I sympathized with them. Really, I did. But I was chagrined to get to church the next Sunday, and realize that another family in the body was asking for assistance for the fire family. It had never even occurred to me to do that! I was taken aback at the idea that I hadn't thought to ask for help on their behalf!

Lord, help me see others through Your eyes. Let me love them as You do. Let me pour myself out in Your service.

BOR-RING

As I look back over my last few blogs, I realize that my life really isn't that interesting...

Things have been really odd lately, and I guess my entries are reflecting that. I need to find time to be still and know. There's either been knowing or the stilling, but not really simultaneously.

In our marriage, I tend to be the encourager. Well, our roles were reversed this morning, and my dh spent some time encouraging and reassuring me. It was wonderful! It helped me to see how much it helps him when I encourage him. It truly did give me courage, today!

Thank You for my wonderful husband, and his tender heart. Watch over my family today, Lord, and protect them. Shield those in the path of Ivan and keep them safe.

In the beginning...

Ahhh - nothing like Monday during football season...

Have you heard the new Steven Curtis Chapman song? Love it! And it's got me thinking...
Imagine being witness to creation. Nothing. Then suddenly, a light! Then the waves crashing against the newly made shore. Can you imagine how loud that would be? After no sound at all? Wow! Eventually, the first trill of a meadowlark, singing praise to its Creator - no other reason than the joy of existing.

Thank You Lord for this beautiful world and the things You have placed here for our delight! Help me to remember to praise You unabashedly - just because You made me.

Are ya ready...?

Football season has started!!! Wahoo!!!

*ahem* Thank you for your indulgence - and yes, I feel much better now!

Things were going along swimmingly today, when I got some bad news. I won't go into the specific news, but I think I handled it well. Which is a switch. We'll get through this, and I am choosing to not get down and depressed. So there.

Lord, You know the circumstances in each of our lives. Thank You for being in control! Help me to live with grace and graciousness and be encouraging to those around me.

Where's my broom?

It was a wonderfully relaxing and quiet evening last night. The kiddos were wonderfully behaved (actually CLEANED their rooms!) dinner was a breeze, the house was clean, and I got to spend time cross stitching. All was right with the world.

So why was I a real witch to my kids?! Ugh! Even as I was yelling at them, I was trying to figure out why I was being so ugly! Selfishness, perhaps? I don't know. But I'm determined to let the 'good mom' have more time on the outside, and hopefully banish 'bad mom' to the dungeon!

Good news/bad news

Well, I totally blew it last night! I was supposed to be at praise team practice and completely forgot about it! I think that's the first time in three years, but still...! :(

My elder DS called me yesterday after school to let me know he had received a 100 on a school paper. This is a HUGE deal, as we were unsure whether he would move on to a new grade last year! So we celebrated appropriately on the phone and I encouraged him as well as I could without huggin' the stuffin' out of him.

Later last night, as the kids were going to bed, younger DS gave my DH an envelope which he had received from his teacher last week, and the contents of which we were supposed to review and return Tuesday. Grrr! So we went through the homework - all of which were very high scores - hooray! And then I found it - the 'I will...' sheet! Basically, the 'I will' sheet is a half sheet of paper on which the student takes responsibility for some rule violation. Sneaky little dickens gave it to us right before bedtime too! So we discussed the event this morning, and he understood that vengeance is the Lord's - not his - and he can't push someone just because they pushed him first.

All of which made me think - how often do I run to God with good news, and thanksgiving? Or do I try to hide the stuff I know He won't like?

The Passion

Tuesdays. Nothin' like 'em! Labor Day weekend was relatively uneventful family-wise. Found out that some of the Florida family made it through the storms, but still waiting to hear from the others.

My DH decided to get creative this weekend with some yummy Mexican food. Black bean and corn salsa, spicy chicken, brown rice - love that man o' mine!

We were going to go to the Labor Day parade Monday, and then DH informed the kiddos that we could actually be IN the parade - well, there was no stopping them at that point! My youngest DS got to ride shotgun in an antique fire engine while the rest of us walked the parade route drumming up donations for MDA. Except for the breakneck pace of the parade, fun was had by all (although I'd like to know whose idea it was to put those two big hills in the middle of the route!)

Later Monday evening, with a great deal of discussion, gentle leadership and timely questions and answers, we watched 'The Passion' as a family. The kids were probably still a bit too young (my older child flat out stated he was too young! But I think that was because his friends wanted to play!) They both had some very intelligent questions, and were okay with watching it. I hope we didn't try to over-explain things.

So, in essence, I got nothing done that I had intended or even wanted to accomplish this weekend, but overall, I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out!

Lord, thank You for the time of rest we had this past weekend. Work is a good thing, but rest is so needed!

Unclean

Isn't it funny how someone else's mood and attitude can change your own? We can be such reactionary creatures - someone is mad in our general direction, and in my case anyway, I'm all ready to get mad back. Even toward strangers. Thankfully, Jesus wasn't that way. I'm so grateful He took the time to talk to those undeserving souls who were grateful to have contact with anyone - let alone God Almighty! Today, I have felt kinda like a leper. Just cut off from the rest of the world, affected by the smallest hint of anger in my area.

Lord, help me to connect with You. Let me see the love in Your eyes just for me.

Tender heart and tuna

My hubby - the biggest softie in the world! He was out mowing the lawn last night and came to ask for a can of tuna. Obviously puzzled, I asked him why in the world he needed tuna to finish mowing the lawn. He informed me that there was a very pretty stray cat in the back and before he sent it away, he wanted to feed it first. Uh-huh. So I forked over a can of yummy fishy stuff and off he went - all the while telling me that he doesn't want a cat and that I don't want a cat. Yeah, right.

On a more serious note, my brother in law finally got in touch with the northern half of the family after Charley and let us know he and his were fine, and, oh, by the way, we're living in Vero Beach now. That's right. Ground zero for Hurricane Frances. So, I know we'd all appreciate prayers sent for those in that area.

Waaah!

I must admit I really was struggling with some issues yesterday evening. I really wanted to be selfish, and, to be quite honest, pout because something I adore doing is being delayed yet again due to circumstance$ that should not be out of our control. I understand that the whole family is tightening the proverbial belt a bit to get caught up, but I really wanted just to stamp my foot and throw a royal hissy. I realize my DH is also making sacrifices, and this is difficult for him as well, if not more so, but last night, that whole compassion thing just wasn't working for me real well.

Ever feel that way? I mean, I know in my head that I need to just suck it up and deal with it, but the 'other' side of me wants to act like a spoiled brat - what a release I sometimes feel it would be! Just get it out of my system and go on.

But I didn't. I was supportive, and concerned, and loving. And I felt better after that than I would have after a hissy fit. But the temptation was soooo strong...

Lord, remove that temptation from me! I want to be a good wife and encourage my husband instead of being a burden. Rein in my inner child! And show me that I may have some of the attributes of the Proverbs 31 woman somewhere in my character - strength, capable, honor, wisdom.

Invisibility

When I was younger, I often thought myself invisible. I would watch people around me, and was actually startled when I was acknowledged. Kind of like watching people from behind mirrored sunglasses, but realizing you're wearing regular glasses. I'm constantly surprised when someone from high school actually remembers me. You know, I wasn't part of the 'A' group, nor the 'B' group...forensic psychologists would probably refer to me as a 'loner.' :)

My high school graduating class now has a website to catch up with people, and plan reunions, etc. It's been interesting to watch the activity (or lack thereof) on the site. It seems as if people want to be included, but not communicate with one another.

Thankfully, God can see me. He watched me grow up. He watched over me during the tough times. Even though I didn't know, He was there during the dark and ugly times, caring for me, loving me, cheering me on down the path He had chosen for me. He thought of me when He created the world. He pictured my face when He lit the stars. He remembered me when He fed the crowds. He prayed for me in the garden. He loved me - ME - on the cross. I am beloved. I am carved on His hands. He thinks I am worth His sacrifice.

It's just basic Christianity, but sometimes I just need to remind myself.

Love You, Jesus.

Home Sweet Home

Well, for those of you that were at the draft last night, you'll be happy to know that I still have somewhere to live! He was pleased with the choices I made for the most part, but be advised - trading will occur! :)

He and the kids had a great time yesterday! He told me, and them, how proud he was of their behavior. He said they were such troopers! They didn't complain about the wait, or no autographs, or the score, or the weather - but had a great time just being at the game!

And now, the workweek begins again. This is also the first week of the Holiday Grand Plan. So, I'm starting on Christmas stuff. (Don't hate me!) I feel the need to be more organized in my life, and what I've started doing has truly made a difference at home.

Anyway, this is definitely a creamed corn kinda day for me, so I'll leave you with a quote I saw: Mary could have said, "I can't! It will interfere with my wedding plans."

Lord, thank You for the good times and great memories my 'men' will have from this weekend. Bless them as they go about their day today. Be with me, and help me to let my light shine for You.

Like a tide our work should rise,

Each later wave the best;

Today is a king in disguise,

Today is the special test.

-John Boyle O'Reilly

Lord, help me be aware of the glory of this very special day. Let me love as You love, give as You give. Allow me to see this day as You do - full of opportunity, precious and fleeting. Help me to see those You have created in Your image as You see them.

Mud Sharks

Thanks for the comments yesterday. Karrie, yes she is a believer, which makes it even harder. Skip, thanks for the reminder.

Today was the first full day of school, and I watched this crazy person screaming at my children to do something or other - then I realized I was the crazy person. Welcome back to school, kids! Anyway, I apologized and we restarted the morning. Now, if I can just remember to pick them up after school...

I've been thinking about 'taking the high road' and what that actually entails. I feel extra pressure to do it at work, so I can be that proverbial beacon of light, especially in my kind of smarmy line of work. Sometimes, though, it's just easier to wallow with the mud sharks, know what I mean? I know all the reasons for staying up on that higher pathway, but sometimes, like today obviously, it's a lot less effort down there. I will keep going on that high road, and I will fight the mud shark urges. I know the reward will be worth it. (Sometimes I just need to remind myself!)

Lord, keep my head up and my eyes focused on You. You are my strength, my courage, my best friend. Thank You.

Toughie

I've been struggling with posting about this since, well, probably since blogging was invented! Okay, maybe not that long. But, it's a difficult situation for me, and I crave input, support, chocolate, whatever I can get.

I have this friend...no really! Anyway, she was a friend until I challenged her on something - which she asked me to do whenever necessary - and now she's shut me out completely. I've tried to reach out to her a couple of times, admittedly not necessarily very enthusiastically, but I did try. I have been pretty obviously rebuffed each time. I have also been made aware of gossip coming to light about me from her.

My struggle is this: how much more should I try? I've considered dropping her a note letting her know that I would be here when she's ready to resume our friendship, but then my dander gets up, and I think 'I've made an effort - her turn!'

I realize that I haven't always been a good friend to her, and I'm not trying to convince myself that I don't have any fault here. But how can I make amends if she won't play too? How long should I leave my gift at the altar?

Ancient words

I found these 'ancient words' at a time when I needed them and thought I would share them...

Be Thou my wisdom, Thou my true word;

I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord.

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for the fight,

Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight.

Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower;

Raise Thou me heavenward, power of my power.

Anonymous (Eighth century)

Granted, a little awkward for today's vernacular (and a certain praise team leader I happen to know) but the desperate yearning and acknowledgment behind the words! Yes, Lord!

Grrr

Forgive me - I'm feeling a little testy today. My darling children took it upon themselves yesterday to invite our new-ish neighbor and her family to dinner. Tonight. Great. And I couldn't exactly un-invite her, since she'd already accepted. So. I told my kids that since THEY invited her, THEY could finish cleaning the house! So there! Actually, since I've been doing organized home and flylady my house isn't too bad. Not exactly how I'd like it for a first-time guest, but there ya go.

So, I get to work, and our part-timer won't be here today. Which means I pick up the slack. And then one of the 'boys' at work takes it upon himself to correct some of my work - which really makes my day.

I apologize - I didn't mean for this to be a big venting session. I'll uninvite myself from the pity party...

On a good note, I managed to clean out the laundry/storage room this weekend. Woohoo! As well as put together my household notebook AND get my Christmas notebook organized! I have even started my grocery list for my holiday baking!

Lord, help me make the most of this opportunity with my neighbor. Help us to show her and her family the utmost in hospitality. Shine through us so she can see You above all. Change my heart, Lord. Soften my mean spirit. Help me to be humble enough to accept well-meant correction. Refresh my spirit. Give my husband peace and calm as he prepares our meal tonight as well as all the other things he needs to get done today. Thank You for my children and their confidence in us that we can open our home at any moment. Let them never lose that, but give them a better sense of permission-seeking...

The wonder of it all...

I often try to impress on my kids how much God loves us. And not just because He sent His Son. But also because of the little things He does for us. Take sunsets or sunrises. He didn't have to make them so beautiful. He could have just made it instantly dark. But He knew that the sunsets and sunrises would inspire us, and give us joy, and make us want to seek the Creator of such beauty.

Or take fog. The other day, it was beautifully foggy when I left for work. There is such a stillness in fog. Such peace and quiet. It's enveloping. Comforting, almost, like a big blanket.

I wonder if sometimes God doesn't let us discover things just for His amusement. Like the science of aerodynamics. 'This is how something flies. This is the only way.' Then, watching us full of ourselves with this knowledge, He sends us the lowly bumblebee. According to our vast knowledge of how things fly, it is impossible for the bumblebee to flit from flower to flower as it does. And yet...

Father, thank You for letting us discover the joys of Your creation. Thank You for loving us enough to make this place so beautiful. Help us to remember that.

I was going to write about the wonderful things God does to surprise us - things that He does for no other apparent reason than to bring us joy. But, I learned some news this morning that has me - I don't know - upset - sad - questioning. I guess this news also fits in with the idea of God suprising us, and hopefully at some point, it will be wonderful, but right now, I'm not so sure. Some friends recently had a baby, and just found out he has Downs syndrome. I know they are hurting and confused and concerned. Please be praying for them and their family.

Lord, bless and comfort Gary & Sandy. Strengthen them as they come to terms with Tanner's health. We lift them up to You. Cover them with Your wings. I know they have such a strong faith - help them turn to You. Guide us as their church family to anticipate their needs and to be there for them. You know the reason for this - help us to understand...

Happy Birthday!

Today is my elder's tenth birthday. And I'm at work. And he's very disappointed that I'm here. I'm not sure what he was expecting from today, but I have the feeling he's going to be disappointed regardless. Perhaps a day filled with balloons and confetti and being adored by his many fans. Sorry, dear! We did the party thing on Saturday - with a very nice gift (ballgame tickets for later in the month) and all the celebrating we could take! DH got him something to open today, but I think he was expecting to take a day trip or something today. I was on vacation when my younger's birthday rolled around, so we took them to a really neat place.

I just talked to him on the phone, and he's still guilting me into coming home. (He's good, too!) But I think we're taking him out for dinner tonight, so hopefully he'll be alright with that.

Sheesh! I sound as whiny as he did this morning! I don't mean to - I'm torn between responsibilities. I want to be home with him today, but need to be here. Sorry!

Thank You, Father, for giving me my kids. Help me to encourage them to seek You. Remind me that they are Yours.

Outside the comfort zone

Well, it must be that time of year again...I've started brainstorming about our annual Ladies' Craft Auction and our women's retreat in late winter. I know our theme is strong women, and I've come up with some decor ideas for the craft auction, but, I don't know. I also need to find some new music for the retreat and get started with practices, but I'm just not feeling it, if you catch my drift. Maybe I'm just too tired to think about it right now.

Lately, my DH and I have been building friendships outside of our church. You have to understand that this is a HUGE deal for me. I'm very introverted, and the very idea of beginning these friendships is completely overwhelming to me. I haven't had friends that don't go to my church in more than twenty years! Outreach has never really been one of my gifts. I am more comfortable behind the scenes, making things easier, hopefully, for those who excel in that whole outreach aspect. (And yes, I realize we're all called to share the gospel and share our lives...it's just a personal hangup I have that I'm trying to work through...)

It feels completely different than meeting someone new at church. People one meets at church at least have one of the big commonalities established immediately, whereas with people outside the church - well, it's a lot slower going in my humble opinion. Don't get me wrong! I love these people, and I'm very excited about getting to know them. It's just that those 'boundaries' for lack of a better term aren't so clearly defined.

Lord, inspire me. Guide me. Pour Your Spirit over me. Make me braver than I ever thought I could be. Help us to truly reach these new friends for You. Make us salt and light, and may they see You in our lives.

Memories

Well, the last birthday party of the summer is over... We start in May, and have significant dates or birthdays until September. Does it make me a bad parent to say that I'm glad we're done for another year?!

I spoke with my grandmother yesterday. She's not doing so well. Her health has been declining a bit, and I'm beginning to get a little concerned about her. She told me she found some slides the other day, but didn't know what they were, exactly. So she dug out the old viewer and found a picture of all of her kids together with my mom's boyfriend (my dad) before they were married. She said it was evidently after her husband had died, because he wouldn't let my mom see my dad. (Thanks for telling me that little piece of family history!) Anyway, she also found a picture of my grandfather and her two sons. My grandfather died before my mom and dad were married as I've said, and one of my uncles died about 15 years ago. The remaining son has always kind of been the rebel in the family - moved out west, riding Harleys, growing more hair than the rest of the family combined... Anyway, she said she was really down looking at that picture, and asked me if I realized it's been 40 years since my grandfather died. There was a soft catch in her voice which she tried to hide. She called herself silly, and went on with chatty news. But I sat there and thought forty years! She's been married and widowed twice since then. But he is her first love. They married when she was only 15 years old. She bore him five children, three of whom are still living. I can't imagine the grief still being this strong after all this time, and all she's been through.

Lord, please watch over my grandmother. Keep her strong and safe and healthy. Bless her and encourage her during this difficult season.

Da Rules

I was trying to explain what I thought was a simple procedure to my kids the other day. I went through it step by step. Do step A, then step B, then step C, finally, step D. Very simple.

What chaos ensued! Okay, well maybe not quite that bad, but there were difficulties nonetheless. In my mind, this was easy. They kept reciting the steps, mixing them up, straightening them out...finally I told them that this was not 'rocket surgery' and they should just do it. They were so concerned about making sure they did it right, that they lost the intent behind the actions. Hmmm...I think there's a lesson here somewhere...something about the whole law being summed up in something or other...

Lord, please help me to remember it's not the steps of the process, but the intent and heart behind them that matter. Help me to be focused on living how You want me to live, and not just checking off items on a list.

What was the question again...?

We have really great kids. They are usually no trouble at all. Very spiritually minded. Sweet spirited. Of course, they are also human, and can work my last nerve sometimes, as I know I do to them occasionally.

We have been trying to teach them that it only matters what God thinks of them. As long as they are living to please Him, it's not important what their 'friends' think. Then came the reputation issue, and how important it is to have a good reputation.

'What's a reputation?'

'Well, that's what people think...of...you...um...'

'But didn't you say...'

'Uh...Oh look at the pretty horses!'

Any ideas, fellow bloggers?

Lord, watch over my children as they learn their place in this world. Keep them pure and innocent, and seeking after You. Help us to remember they are on loan to us from You and to take care of them the way You would. Thank you for their lives and the joys they bring.